I Done A Bad, Bad Thing
*stands*
Hello, my name is Ms. Anthropy, and I am a packrat.
(All) Hello, Ms. Anthropy.
Well, we all know there's no such thing as an ex-packrat, only a packrat in remission.
(Crowd nods, lights up)
I was doing really well, honestly. I've cleaned out closets and cabinets and even given away some furniture that we really didn't have room for. I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then...*wipes away tear*
(Crowd murmurs encouragingly, chainsmokes)
*sniffles* Well, you know how it is. There's always a temptation you can't get past. There was this notice in one of my homeschool loops, see. This lady who used to run a tutoring center was retiring and needed the materials out of the way, so she was offering the stuff to whoever would come get it. The trick of course was that you had to take all of it.
(Crowd shudders, murmurs sympathetically, smokes some more)
*weeps* Well, what would you have done? She had a 22-year collection of books and workbooks and masters and ghod knows what from pre-K on up to college prep. Every damn thing you'd ever need or want.
(Crowd waits for the punch line)
*breaks down completely* Thirty boxes worth. And four huge filing cabinets to put it in.
(Inaudible question from crowd)
*freaks out, starts shrieking like a crazy woman* Well, what the fuck would you have done?!? I rounded up two pickup trucks and tore out of here so fast the email was still hanging on the screen when we got back. I hit the road so fast my kid was still wearing his pajamas and I didn't freaking care, do you hear me?!?
(crowd recoils, smokes faster)
So anyway I'm paying for my sins. We spent Sunday night unloading boxes and those heavy damn filing cabinets, and I spent yesterday rearranging the guest room to make room for them and hauling them out of the living room and making a start on re-filing them so I can begin to go through them and see what to keep and what to pass on, and I hurt where I didn't even realize I had muscles. Seriously, I seem to have somehow managed to sprain my ass. How the hell does that work?
(crowd lights torches, grabs pitchforks, tears up Ms. Anthropy's "Packrats Anonymous" card)
*flees for her life, flicking lit ciggies over her shoulder to buy time* You bastards! What the hell would you have done?!?
(Seriously though, I'm trying to figure out the best way to share the wealth. I wish I could set up some sort of library where people could come in and scan what they need - preferably located somewhere not in my spare bedroom. This stuff could really help out a lot of people, if I can only figure out how to organize it. Anyone have any bright ideas?)
Hello, my name is Ms. Anthropy, and I am a packrat.
(All) Hello, Ms. Anthropy.
Well, we all know there's no such thing as an ex-packrat, only a packrat in remission.
(Crowd nods, lights up)
I was doing really well, honestly. I've cleaned out closets and cabinets and even given away some furniture that we really didn't have room for. I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then...*wipes away tear*
(Crowd murmurs encouragingly, chainsmokes)
*sniffles* Well, you know how it is. There's always a temptation you can't get past. There was this notice in one of my homeschool loops, see. This lady who used to run a tutoring center was retiring and needed the materials out of the way, so she was offering the stuff to whoever would come get it. The trick of course was that you had to take all of it.
(Crowd shudders, murmurs sympathetically, smokes some more)
*weeps* Well, what would you have done? She had a 22-year collection of books and workbooks and masters and ghod knows what from pre-K on up to college prep. Every damn thing you'd ever need or want.
(Crowd waits for the punch line)
*breaks down completely* Thirty boxes worth. And four huge filing cabinets to put it in.
(Inaudible question from crowd)
*freaks out, starts shrieking like a crazy woman* Well, what the fuck would you have done?!? I rounded up two pickup trucks and tore out of here so fast the email was still hanging on the screen when we got back. I hit the road so fast my kid was still wearing his pajamas and I didn't freaking care, do you hear me?!?
(crowd recoils, smokes faster)
So anyway I'm paying for my sins. We spent Sunday night unloading boxes and those heavy damn filing cabinets, and I spent yesterday rearranging the guest room to make room for them and hauling them out of the living room and making a start on re-filing them so I can begin to go through them and see what to keep and what to pass on, and I hurt where I didn't even realize I had muscles. Seriously, I seem to have somehow managed to sprain my ass. How the hell does that work?
(crowd lights torches, grabs pitchforks, tears up Ms. Anthropy's "Packrats Anonymous" card)
*flees for her life, flicking lit ciggies over her shoulder to buy time* You bastards! What the hell would you have done?!?
(Seriously though, I'm trying to figure out the best way to share the wealth. I wish I could set up some sort of library where people could come in and scan what they need - preferably located somewhere not in my spare bedroom. This stuff could really help out a lot of people, if I can only figure out how to organize it. Anyone have any bright ideas?)