The Grotesque, The Abject, The Body.

[mrzachyboy]

Homo sum, humani nil a me alienum puto
-Terence

Nothing human disgusts me...unless its unkind, violent.
-Hannah Jelkes in Tennessee Williams's Night at the Blue Iguana.It is curious that our culture is so obsessed with excess in the world outside of ourselves. Big food, big cars, big

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[hippybear]

Part II

(my computer fucked up on me...)

I'm left trying to sort through all kinds of social programming and self-image issues and ideas about who I am in the world. I wish I could say the weight gain was accompanied by a matching gain in chest hair, but alas not. Instead I feel like none of the weight has landed in attractive places on my torso, and I feel ungainly and self-conscious.

Reading this essay from you, a man whom I've found sexy since the day I encountered you online (I've never met you in person, I do not believe)... It helps put a lot of my current feelings in context, although I don't think either of us should be beating up on ourselves the way we are. I think sweaty men are musky and aluring. I think big men are more attractive, and I think fur is almost necessary on a male torso. Being attracted to this "opposite" from me may be some sort of fascination with the unfamiliar or the "grotesque", but I know I'm not alone in being drawn toward this archetypal male form. Men and women all express their attraction to this, and yet our culture insists on labelling it as undesirable or comical. I think it's hot.

Now, if I can only feel that I'm not with this new weight. That is the difficult work, isn't it?