Don't live in the memories...
So i got my net back today. I don't know if its worth yet...with the net, I just felt more and more like crap. I went to rehearsal with Emily yesterday. and then afterwards, she came up for a bit. We played video games, and held each other. I explained to her what i wanted a couple days ago...I got everything i asked for and more. It was lovely. but, there's always that chance of everything just being fake. My house was freezing yesterday cause someone turned the air on, and we weren't allowed to walk in my livingroom to turn it off, so we left it on. Emily got too cold considering that she cut all her hair off. Well i gave her one of my hoodies, she's beautiful. She's everything. She's gone. We kissed a couple times, nothing real or anything, but she made me hold her like a baby. while we were waiting outside for the faja to ride her back to her house, we talked. I told her about the whole kiss thing with becca that happend monday night while mini golfing. I don't really know how she took it. Good i guess. So whenever i got home, I became an emo bastard, yeah sorry about that matt, and i called erica. She's awesome. She understands me like no one else. She knows the love i have for emily. She knows how i felt last night. like exactly how i felt, or maybe she's just a really good faker. But she makes me feel good about myself cause she knows what to say and when to say it its awesome. Well before I called erica i walked emily up to her porch and hugged her, and kissed her a single kiss. then i lost it. I'm so heartbroken. After i got off the phone with erica, i wanted to just talk to ems but that wasnt goign to happend, so well i got ready for bed and layed down. I took the sweater she wore that still smelled like her, hugged it, and cried myself to sleep. Woke up today got my interenet back and re read Emily's journal, from the beggining. till the other beginning. post by post sentence by sentence word by word, letter by letter, we had some pretty shitty times, but we had fucking awesome times to go along with that. We had some hard times, but in the end we got through it. once again i cried whenever i got up to the part of us breaking up. I wish there was something i could do...