(no subject)
So it's only been a little over a week into the semester, but there have been some pretty crazy things happening already. To keep myself happy and light-hearted, I'm only going to dwell on the hilarity that's ensued from some mail that me or my friends have gotten since the semester started. First thing was something that I got. The first day I got back to school, I noticed I had mail, which is always pretty exciting, but not wholly unexpected considering I hadn't been here in a month. But one of the things I got was from the U of I Credit Union. The first line other than the title says...and I'm not making this up..."Enclosed is your personal statement of benefits, listing your current Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance coverage under the plan." Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I was a little worried...why did these people think I would need Death and Dismemberment Insurance? Did they know something that I didn't? Was it a warning? I mean, I guess it would be some easy money. All I have to do is lose a thumb and get $1,000. The insurance covers the following things: loss of life; loss of two members (hand, foot, or eye); loss of entire sight in both eyes; loss of speech or hearing; loss of one hand, one foot, or sight of one eye; loss of thumb and index finger of same hand; and loss of thumb. I knew right then that the semester was gonna rule.
Another piece of mail that's pretty funny is that my neighbor, Jason, sent Bish a vegetarian starter pack that he ordered online, which includes a cd of entitled "Meet your Meat". That was pretty funny. But the best product that Jason got online was a bottle of liquid that was supposed to help you lose weight. The ingredients are simply a bunch of elements and compounds, such as Lithium, Magnesium, Sulfate, Potassium, etc. There was a pamphlet with it that talked about how it worked. It says that if you're one of those people that thinks your bodie is mostly matter, "Surprise! Your body is mostly electrical. Place one drop of this on your tongue and you'll be able to feel the charge!" Absolutely ridiculous. So, we decide to try this highly shady product, just for kicks. The pamphplet said that it tastes kind of bitter, and that we should add 1 drop for every 10 lbs. of body weight to our favorite drink to get the desired effect. So we all tried a drop at first, then being the stupid college students we are, we starting competing over who would take the most. The record as of now stands at 10, but I'm sure it'll be broken tonight. You definitely feel a sort of shock in your mouth if you have more than a few drops. However, the solution tasted strangely like uber-saltimified water. And, guess where the company is based? SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH! Coincidence? I think not. Gotta love internet scams.
With all the fun times already packed into this semester, it should get even better later on. Or maybe more boring, since everyone will get more involved with classes. Also, I know a lot of you will be dissapointed, but I've been having horrible luck with cards since getting back. I think I've won something like 1 of the 7 or so spades games I've played. I've been screwed by the cards so many times. Like when my partner went six, so I went double-nil, and ended up with 1 club...THE ACE. Well, the luck can't last forever, right? I hope everyone else has been having a good time wherever they are. I miss you all!
Another piece of mail that's pretty funny is that my neighbor, Jason, sent Bish a vegetarian starter pack that he ordered online, which includes a cd of entitled "Meet your Meat". That was pretty funny. But the best product that Jason got online was a bottle of liquid that was supposed to help you lose weight. The ingredients are simply a bunch of elements and compounds, such as Lithium, Magnesium, Sulfate, Potassium, etc. There was a pamphlet with it that talked about how it worked. It says that if you're one of those people that thinks your bodie is mostly matter, "Surprise! Your body is mostly electrical. Place one drop of this on your tongue and you'll be able to feel the charge!" Absolutely ridiculous. So, we decide to try this highly shady product, just for kicks. The pamphplet said that it tastes kind of bitter, and that we should add 1 drop for every 10 lbs. of body weight to our favorite drink to get the desired effect. So we all tried a drop at first, then being the stupid college students we are, we starting competing over who would take the most. The record as of now stands at 10, but I'm sure it'll be broken tonight. You definitely feel a sort of shock in your mouth if you have more than a few drops. However, the solution tasted strangely like uber-saltimified water. And, guess where the company is based? SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH! Coincidence? I think not. Gotta love internet scams.
With all the fun times already packed into this semester, it should get even better later on. Or maybe more boring, since everyone will get more involved with classes. Also, I know a lot of you will be dissapointed, but I've been having horrible luck with cards since getting back. I think I've won something like 1 of the 7 or so spades games I've played. I've been screwed by the cards so many times. Like when my partner went six, so I went double-nil, and ended up with 1 club...THE ACE. Well, the luck can't last forever, right? I hope everyone else has been having a good time wherever they are. I miss you all!