Fireproof
I went and saw Fireproof with Erica tonight, which was a really sweet movie. I'm glad we were able to go see it, I think it's very helpful and relevant to where we're at in our marriage. I felt like I could really relate to Caleb a lot, in the way he acted towards his wife. He has more free time, yet expects her to do more for the family. He gets upset very easily, and thinks everything is her fault. He's very selfish with his time and his money, and values other things, like porn, over his wife. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much that describe me in our first 4 months of marriage.
Erica's super busy with school, and yet she takes more responsibility for stuff that needs to get done for both of us. She does an amazing job of cleaning, cooking, and taking care of other family things, all on top of a full school load, which in itself takes a lot more time than my full time job does. I've been having increasing problems with my temper and getting upset easily over stupid things, and I enjoy my time way too much, as I waste it on the computer, watching episodes of Family Guy or playing games. I have had so much time to serve my wife, that has ended up being wasted on meaningless activities. Also, the porn thing has continued to be an issue.
To sum it up, I haven't been a loving husband these past 4 months, and I've made a lot of decisions that have hurt our marriage, and hurt Erica. It was really convicting when I heard the new Casting Crowns song a week ago. Some of the lyrics are:
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
It definitely made me realize, looking back on it, that it's the little choices that are made every day that lead to crumbling. It's true that families never crumble in a day, that it's a slow, steady process. And I could see me leading my family through that process with the choices I had been making.
Thankfully, we have a God that loves and heals unconditionally, who doesn't require anything other than a humble and contrite heart. His forgiveness is immediate, absolute, and everlasting. He's always there waiting for you to turn back to Him so that you can live the way you were meant to. This truth makes all the difference in the world, and it's what will save my marriage from completely crumbling.
I love how the movie points out how love is not a feeling, but rather a choice. Love is choosing to do the dishes when you've just come back from a hard day of work. Love is choosing to give a back massage when your back feels full of knots. Love is choosing not to raise your voice in an argument. It's the choices you make when all you want to do is give up that decide whether you'll make it or not.
My favorite scene was when Caleb's dad asked him what he would say his major problem is with Catherine if someone were to ask. Caleb rattled of a list of things, one thing leading to another, mostly revolving around how she had been ignoring his repeated attempts to show her love the past few weeks in an effort to save his marriage. He ended by asking his dad how he was supposed to continue loving someone who is repeatedly ignoring him. His dad answers by pointing out that that's how he's been treating God. God continually pours out His grace upon us, and doesn't get the thanks, respect, or even notice that He deserves. Yet He continues to love us despite it all. This is the ultimate picture of how to correctly love someone. Pure, unadulterated, conditional love. If love was conditional, it wouldn't be love, it would just be manipulation. This is why marriage was modeled after Christ's relationship with us, to show us the perfect picture of how it ought to be done. Complete and utter surrender and sacrifice of yourself for the happiness and betterment of the other.
I just wish I could show that better.
Erica's super busy with school, and yet she takes more responsibility for stuff that needs to get done for both of us. She does an amazing job of cleaning, cooking, and taking care of other family things, all on top of a full school load, which in itself takes a lot more time than my full time job does. I've been having increasing problems with my temper and getting upset easily over stupid things, and I enjoy my time way too much, as I waste it on the computer, watching episodes of Family Guy or playing games. I have had so much time to serve my wife, that has ended up being wasted on meaningless activities. Also, the porn thing has continued to be an issue.
To sum it up, I haven't been a loving husband these past 4 months, and I've made a lot of decisions that have hurt our marriage, and hurt Erica. It was really convicting when I heard the new Casting Crowns song a week ago. Some of the lyrics are:
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
It definitely made me realize, looking back on it, that it's the little choices that are made every day that lead to crumbling. It's true that families never crumble in a day, that it's a slow, steady process. And I could see me leading my family through that process with the choices I had been making.
Thankfully, we have a God that loves and heals unconditionally, who doesn't require anything other than a humble and contrite heart. His forgiveness is immediate, absolute, and everlasting. He's always there waiting for you to turn back to Him so that you can live the way you were meant to. This truth makes all the difference in the world, and it's what will save my marriage from completely crumbling.
I love how the movie points out how love is not a feeling, but rather a choice. Love is choosing to do the dishes when you've just come back from a hard day of work. Love is choosing to give a back massage when your back feels full of knots. Love is choosing not to raise your voice in an argument. It's the choices you make when all you want to do is give up that decide whether you'll make it or not.
My favorite scene was when Caleb's dad asked him what he would say his major problem is with Catherine if someone were to ask. Caleb rattled of a list of things, one thing leading to another, mostly revolving around how she had been ignoring his repeated attempts to show her love the past few weeks in an effort to save his marriage. He ended by asking his dad how he was supposed to continue loving someone who is repeatedly ignoring him. His dad answers by pointing out that that's how he's been treating God. God continually pours out His grace upon us, and doesn't get the thanks, respect, or even notice that He deserves. Yet He continues to love us despite it all. This is the ultimate picture of how to correctly love someone. Pure, unadulterated, conditional love. If love was conditional, it wouldn't be love, it would just be manipulation. This is why marriage was modeled after Christ's relationship with us, to show us the perfect picture of how it ought to be done. Complete and utter surrender and sacrifice of yourself for the happiness and betterment of the other.
I just wish I could show that better.