(no subject)
so everythings pretty crazy. i've been spending a lot of time at home, worrying about what im gonna do for a job. but im sure everything will work itself out. i just hate having to actually rely on money for things. like i know its the way the world works and stuff but its pretty shitty. i just got done writing alan a note. its damn good so he better love it. yea thats right, im 20 and i write notes. get over it. haha i love it, even though my hand gets fucking tired as hell by the time im on line two. i guess we all just got wayyy too used to typing 500 wpm. oh well.
school starts again on the 23rd. im pretty anxious about that. idk why but i just feel all inadequate to go back to school. "scared" i guess is the right term. all i know is that im gonna have to do a kick ass job. maybe with having lauren in at least one of my classes it'll motivate me to do what i need to do. i realized today, its kinda hard to be a single person. i mean really think about that. you dont have someone there that believes in you and urges you to do the right thing, you dont have someone to comfort you when things are going badly, you have noone to truely confide in when things are hard. i mean i know parents are supposed to be that as well but you get what i mean. as much as i do consider it harder i think i still dont want anything to do with a boyfriend. idk why but lately ive been on this kick where im just like "fuck guys". i see other people in relationships and how they argue about the stupidest things and its just like good lord i do NOT want to have to deal with that bullshit. like i know its nice to have someone else there but right now i just have other things i need to worry about. and BESIDES all that, there is noone eligible in the spring hill area as dating material so i guess that makes it all the easier. cause trust me, im definitely not driving all the time to try to have a relationship. its just easier if you live close to one another.
anyway, so yea basic worries:
1. find a job.
2. school school school.
3. stupid p.o.
4. MONEY thus the job thing.
like i said i have just been sitting around lately. i mean it sucks cause ive definitely had a few leads on some jobs but no matter what it seems like they all fall through and im just stuck here looking like a retard. karma has definitely come for me. i mean, i HAD a job, i had things going well & i gave it up because i didnt feel like being there. of course it wasnt until afterwards that i realized i actually NEEDED a job. haha life is funny that way.
school starts again on the 23rd. im pretty anxious about that. idk why but i just feel all inadequate to go back to school. "scared" i guess is the right term. all i know is that im gonna have to do a kick ass job. maybe with having lauren in at least one of my classes it'll motivate me to do what i need to do. i realized today, its kinda hard to be a single person. i mean really think about that. you dont have someone there that believes in you and urges you to do the right thing, you dont have someone to comfort you when things are going badly, you have noone to truely confide in when things are hard. i mean i know parents are supposed to be that as well but you get what i mean. as much as i do consider it harder i think i still dont want anything to do with a boyfriend. idk why but lately ive been on this kick where im just like "fuck guys". i see other people in relationships and how they argue about the stupidest things and its just like good lord i do NOT want to have to deal with that bullshit. like i know its nice to have someone else there but right now i just have other things i need to worry about. and BESIDES all that, there is noone eligible in the spring hill area as dating material so i guess that makes it all the easier. cause trust me, im definitely not driving all the time to try to have a relationship. its just easier if you live close to one another.
anyway, so yea basic worries:
1. find a job.
2. school school school.
3. stupid p.o.
4. MONEY thus the job thing.
like i said i have just been sitting around lately. i mean it sucks cause ive definitely had a few leads on some jobs but no matter what it seems like they all fall through and im just stuck here looking like a retard. karma has definitely come for me. i mean, i HAD a job, i had things going well & i gave it up because i didnt feel like being there. of course it wasnt until afterwards that i realized i actually NEEDED a job. haha life is funny that way.