Be Still My Heart -- This Could Be a Brand New Start
I took it to heart and opened my eyes--considered my position and near future. I like what I see. I don't regret anything past and I decided to try to make the best of what I have. I am now realizing how much I have.
Over the last few weeks, I've done some serious personal re-evaluation, and I am pleased with what I have discovered.
I haven't seriously talked to many people about the contents of this post--I've been trying to sort it out before other peoples' ideas could influence the decisions I knew I had to make on my own.
First off, I am not going to college next year. Not one of the biggies, anyway. This was a very tough decision for me to make, but when it came down to it, I am simply not ready. It's not because of insufficient grades or financial insecurity or my giving up on my dreams--I just need a break. I'm going to take enough credits to be considered a "full-time student" (which is 12 credits, I've been told... ~4 classes?) so that I can still be covered by my health insurance. I'm going to attack the list of things I've wanted to do for years, but have never had time to do: get back into martial arts, go on long-weekend photo trips with my dad, have free time to explore and create various art mediums, build up my photography and voice and theater portfolio, etc.
And secondly, I have newly-found inspiration.
I don't know how to put this.
So I'll say it as plainly as it comes to me.
After copious amounts of considering all of my options, doubting my gut instincts, overlooking the obvious, being afraid of getting caught up in drama from various sources, and being encouraged by a few of my best friends...
I can't deny it anymore.
Nor do I want to deny it.
I very much like one of my good friends.
I like her a lot.
A LOT lot.
She never fails to make me smile.
Even when I thought I couldn't do so, there it would appear upon my face.
This beautiful young woman has stricken me with love-sickness -- I don't have much of an appetite lately, I haven't been able to fall asleep very quickly for all the thoughts buzzing through my mind, I have extra energy that seems to be feeding on some unseen force...I feel charged whenever I'm around her.
She has me creating again. I recently made my favorite necklace with her in mind, and Valentine's day is coming 'round...
We'll see.
I'm going to go with the flow. Follow the light.
I think it's about time I started smiling again.
Over the last few weeks, I've done some serious personal re-evaluation, and I am pleased with what I have discovered.
I haven't seriously talked to many people about the contents of this post--I've been trying to sort it out before other peoples' ideas could influence the decisions I knew I had to make on my own.
First off, I am not going to college next year. Not one of the biggies, anyway. This was a very tough decision for me to make, but when it came down to it, I am simply not ready. It's not because of insufficient grades or financial insecurity or my giving up on my dreams--I just need a break. I'm going to take enough credits to be considered a "full-time student" (which is 12 credits, I've been told... ~4 classes?) so that I can still be covered by my health insurance. I'm going to attack the list of things I've wanted to do for years, but have never had time to do: get back into martial arts, go on long-weekend photo trips with my dad, have free time to explore and create various art mediums, build up my photography and voice and theater portfolio, etc.
And secondly, I have newly-found inspiration.
I don't know how to put this.
So I'll say it as plainly as it comes to me.
After copious amounts of considering all of my options, doubting my gut instincts, overlooking the obvious, being afraid of getting caught up in drama from various sources, and being encouraged by a few of my best friends...
I can't deny it anymore.
Nor do I want to deny it.
I very much like one of my good friends.
I like her a lot.
A LOT lot.
She never fails to make me smile.
Even when I thought I couldn't do so, there it would appear upon my face.
This beautiful young woman has stricken me with love-sickness -- I don't have much of an appetite lately, I haven't been able to fall asleep very quickly for all the thoughts buzzing through my mind, I have extra energy that seems to be feeding on some unseen force...I feel charged whenever I'm around her.
She has me creating again. I recently made my favorite necklace with her in mind, and Valentine's day is coming 'round...
We'll see.
I'm going to go with the flow. Follow the light.
I think it's about time I started smiling again.