Returning to normal.
For the first time in what seems like an eternity but perhaps is only about a year or so, I have felt a very sincere wave of sympathy. So much so that my heart aches and I want to escape from these claustrophic cubicle partitions and take solice in a chapel to pray for a few hours. If I worked for the Church, I could do that without reserve. I wish they needed engineers. I want to lift my friends with hurting hearts and lonely souls up to the Lord. I want to pray with such intensity that their emotional band-aids are promised with guaranteed overnight shipment.
The agenda for this week's youth group meeting was distributed today. The topic is hurt and forgiveness. It's funny because we are supposed to be teaching the kids about all of this but as I read through it all, it became very clear that I need this week's discussion as much as anyone. I remember planning a similar evening a few years ago. After the planning session, the youth minister (a good friend of mine) and I stood outside for at least an hour and discussed forgiveness. My definition was just so different than his. His involved action; forgiveness is the decision to not take revenge and be nasty. All of the emotional stuff that comes along with the hurt is dealt with after that but as soon as that decision is made, the forgiveness has occurred. It seemed almost not challanging enough; not final enough. Mine involved much more time. I defined forgiveness as the end of the process of dealing with that pain. The final result. After reading the agenda this year, I think I may agree with Tim on this one. I need to divorce hurt from forgiveness because they are two very different things. One can still feel the hurt after the forgiving has been done and that is OK. Or at least, I think......
I have been reading about the benefits (and necessity) of having quiet prayer/meditation time. The whole idea sounds so inviting. A friend of mine meditates daily and I envy his sense of peace. Today while driving into work with Lisa and Elizabeth, Lisa had her favorite preacher on and she said something about not being on the offense and finding peace in faith. Peace in faith. Hm. I need that. My friend, the meditator, also has mentioned a peace associated with being comfortable with what you believe. Maybe some sort of quiet time or meditative time would provide me this. I am not one to make new years resolutions but I would really like to give this a go.
The agenda for this week's youth group meeting was distributed today. The topic is hurt and forgiveness. It's funny because we are supposed to be teaching the kids about all of this but as I read through it all, it became very clear that I need this week's discussion as much as anyone. I remember planning a similar evening a few years ago. After the planning session, the youth minister (a good friend of mine) and I stood outside for at least an hour and discussed forgiveness. My definition was just so different than his. His involved action; forgiveness is the decision to not take revenge and be nasty. All of the emotional stuff that comes along with the hurt is dealt with after that but as soon as that decision is made, the forgiveness has occurred. It seemed almost not challanging enough; not final enough. Mine involved much more time. I defined forgiveness as the end of the process of dealing with that pain. The final result. After reading the agenda this year, I think I may agree with Tim on this one. I need to divorce hurt from forgiveness because they are two very different things. One can still feel the hurt after the forgiving has been done and that is OK. Or at least, I think......
I have been reading about the benefits (and necessity) of having quiet prayer/meditation time. The whole idea sounds so inviting. A friend of mine meditates daily and I envy his sense of peace. Today while driving into work with Lisa and Elizabeth, Lisa had her favorite preacher on and she said something about not being on the offense and finding peace in faith. Peace in faith. Hm. I need that. My friend, the meditator, also has mentioned a peace associated with being comfortable with what you believe. Maybe some sort of quiet time or meditative time would provide me this. I am not one to make new years resolutions but I would really like to give this a go.