There are still traces of me in your veins.
Ah. So I got into some trouble recently. Stupid decisions. There are so many stupid decisions of mine that I wish I could erase...
But anyway. The one person I commend for all of this is my wife. She's been a rock in this turbulence. And I am so grateful for her because if she wasn't around then everything would be so much worse. And it's been like that through everything, through every shitty problem I've had (and believe me, I'm a drama-whore, regular readers should know that) she's been there for me. She's seen me through all of those petty problems and not so petty problems. God, I can't even say how grateful i am. Thing is, not anyone has been supportive of her. And she was a wreck about this recent occurence. And it's all my fault.
I love her so much. I am so grateful; everyday I wake up I'm grateful for her. I would have no strength, I would have no stability, I would have no personal scruples, without her. And with us it's so easy, because it's so natural. I've never naturally loved someone. Like it was a part of my being. Like my id and my ego are aligned for fucking once. So I commend her: for all the shit she's had to put up with concerning me (and believe me it's been a lot [I'm so sorry]), for everything she's gone through to see our relationship to the point it has been. I take a lot of things for granted, but never anything with her. Not one day. Not one breath she breathes.
I cannot begin to put to words how I feel; I've expressed this many times. My physical friends can attest. And I am so glad that this is just the beginning. That I have so long and so much to experience. That this will never end. And if it does it still will never end. Not to me.
Oh reader, I married her. (Catch the reference? If you don't, delete me as a friend. I'm an English major, after all) And we've stuck together despite my jealousies and trivialties.
Thank fucking Christ for her. Thank whatever spiritual entities exist. I swear that I have never met someone so devoted to me despite my frailties; I have never met someone so patient with my emotional problems.
I have never loved so strongly. I have never felt so strongly. Petty problems and pains melt in her presence. She is the sun and all of those things are ice in spring.
If only I could do more, just a little more. And I'm trying, I really am. I'm trying to the best of me, to the best of my ability. I'm trying for everyone, to make them see that I'm not a poor choice, that I'm not just some fling, just some phase. I want so much to show her friends and especially her family that I'm really something, that I really can be someone she deserves. Because I think that I am someone she deserves, and she's someone I deserve. Positive thinking for once. because I'm in love. I have been for almost fifteen months and that's never happened. And because of the things I feel, truly feel.
That no one else could understand. I can. My life is connected. I am truly made whole. I feel like sainthood.
I feel like communication.
And nothing has ever felt so good.
But anyway. The one person I commend for all of this is my wife. She's been a rock in this turbulence. And I am so grateful for her because if she wasn't around then everything would be so much worse. And it's been like that through everything, through every shitty problem I've had (and believe me, I'm a drama-whore, regular readers should know that) she's been there for me. She's seen me through all of those petty problems and not so petty problems. God, I can't even say how grateful i am. Thing is, not anyone has been supportive of her. And she was a wreck about this recent occurence. And it's all my fault.
I love her so much. I am so grateful; everyday I wake up I'm grateful for her. I would have no strength, I would have no stability, I would have no personal scruples, without her. And with us it's so easy, because it's so natural. I've never naturally loved someone. Like it was a part of my being. Like my id and my ego are aligned for fucking once. So I commend her: for all the shit she's had to put up with concerning me (and believe me it's been a lot [I'm so sorry]), for everything she's gone through to see our relationship to the point it has been. I take a lot of things for granted, but never anything with her. Not one day. Not one breath she breathes.
I cannot begin to put to words how I feel; I've expressed this many times. My physical friends can attest. And I am so glad that this is just the beginning. That I have so long and so much to experience. That this will never end. And if it does it still will never end. Not to me.
Oh reader, I married her. (Catch the reference? If you don't, delete me as a friend. I'm an English major, after all) And we've stuck together despite my jealousies and trivialties.
Thank fucking Christ for her. Thank whatever spiritual entities exist. I swear that I have never met someone so devoted to me despite my frailties; I have never met someone so patient with my emotional problems.
I have never loved so strongly. I have never felt so strongly. Petty problems and pains melt in her presence. She is the sun and all of those things are ice in spring.
If only I could do more, just a little more. And I'm trying, I really am. I'm trying to the best of me, to the best of my ability. I'm trying for everyone, to make them see that I'm not a poor choice, that I'm not just some fling, just some phase. I want so much to show her friends and especially her family that I'm really something, that I really can be someone she deserves. Because I think that I am someone she deserves, and she's someone I deserve. Positive thinking for once. because I'm in love. I have been for almost fifteen months and that's never happened. And because of the things I feel, truly feel.
That no one else could understand. I can. My life is connected. I am truly made whole. I feel like sainthood.
I feel like communication.
And nothing has ever felt so good.