bad day, yesterday was
yesterday was the worst day i've had in some time...i had to make the decision of putting my dog to sleep, and it was the worst thing i've ever had to do...yesterday at 2:45pm, ginger was humanely euthanised, and it was me that was holding her leg for the injection....my parents had it in the back of their minds to do it, cuz she was getting too aggressive but they didnt say anything without me saying it first...when i told her that we need to put her to sleep, they supported my decision, she was getting too aggressive, she would try to fight with the other dogs, and when i tried to push her off the couch she tried to bite me, and i figured that if that was one of my nieces or nephews, then it would be really bad...we were originally goin to seperate her from the other dogs, u kno put her in a kennel that we built, but then if she got out and fought with brandy again, and the kids were there how terrifying that would be for them, so i decided to just prevent that from ever happening...do u kno wat it is to have a dog for 11yrs, and u were the only one who walked her, fed her, bathed her, when anything happened to her you were the one that gave her the medication, and helped her get better...i regret, not being here most of time she was alive, and sleeping in my room, and seeing her...it was sooo hard when i took her to work, and saw her wagging her tail everytime she saw me, cuz it would have been different if she were really sick and suffering, but she wasnt, she was healthy...they were putting on a cathiter, and i was the one holding her arm for it, and my hand started to shake, so they needed somebody else to do it...it was 2 and i had ended my shift, so i was going to leave without seeing her be put down, since the doctor had also left for lunch...i couldnt leave the parking lot, i stayed in my car thinking, about all those times i saw ppl put there pets to sleep and the last thing those pets saw weren't their masters and i said that i could never do that, and then i saw the doctor pull in, so i asked him to do it, and i grabbed my dog, held that arm for him and he gave it to her...tears were coming out uncontrollably, and i made sure that the last thing she ever saw was me, and it felt so horrible, i couldnt believe i did, i cried sooooooooo much, and then i went home, and my brother got there at the same time, and he said, hey u killed ginger, so i just punched him in the face, and he didnt say anything else...then my dad called asking if i put her to sleep, and i said yeah and then asked me if i felt guilty and i said of course i did wat do u think and hung up i hated everybody at that moment and then my bro in law called asking me to help him with something so i did to get my mind off of it and i told him and my sis about ginger and they told me it was a hard but good decision, and tried to convince me that i was right...and then last night i decided to just drink my problems away with roxy and joey, but when i entered my room, it was sooooo hard not to see her there wagging her tail, and licking my hand...cried some more and fell asleep