Beautiful beat, lift me up from distress.
All of these years, I have grown up learning to be an independent person. My family situation has taught me never to rely on anyone else, and learn to do things on your own, and to never get too attached. Once I entered middle school, I was my own person. I knew exactly who I was a what I wanted. Until now. I always had the feeling that getting out of here, and away from everything i grew up with as soon as possible would solve everything, and make all of my problems disappear. I also have had the dream of going to college, and being the first person in awhile in my family to be successful, and make something of themselves. I was going to be that person. I still have no doubt that I am going to be that person. But, now that the time has finally come to live up to all of these expectations I have for myself, it seems to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. Now that I have been to college, as a student, and not a visitor, I have come to realize that all of my independence is not going to be good for me while in college. I have been so used to having the same friends for the past five years. I haven't run into the situation in which I needed to make new ones, because all of my friends were perfect. I didn't need more friends. It seems like I have lost all of my abilities to meet new people. I know haven't even met a large enough population to even say I have nothing in common with anyone, because there are thousands of people I haven't met yet, but right now I am feeling like that is never going to happen. I have never been homesick before. And I'm not even sure that that is what I am feeling right now. I knew this was going to be a huge adjustment, but I didn't know I would have this hard of a time with it. It's all kind of discouraging. Classes haven't started yet, so I hope once they do, things will start to get easier. Until then I am going to be wishing I was still 16.
It sucks to grow up.
It sucks to grow up.