I Met This Irish Girl...
I love meeting mad people, which is lucky as most of the people I've met here have been complete nutcases. I don't mean that in a 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps' kind of way, I mean mad in an actual mad way.
This morning I woke up at 11am and saw that Donald had packed his bags and left, but by the time I got back from seeing Lost in La Mancha at 4pm he'd been replaced by a new guy. He was an Aussie bloke in his mid 40s and already curled up in bed. He got off to a cracking start with his opening line:
'What's your name, is it Steve?'
'No, my name's Ben, but pleased to meet you anyway'
'You look like you're in a band. Are you in a band Steve?'
'No I'm not, and my name's Ben, what's yours?'
He chuckles to himself for a while and then says 'My name's Steve'
'Your name's Steve?'
'Yes'
'Are you sure about that'
'Yeah, and you know what?
'No, what?'
'I got up at 5am this morning'
'Wow that's early'
'And I went downstairs and saw this Irish girl'
'Yeah?'
'And you could see she was wearing a g-string underneath her jeans'
'Right'
Steve was looking at me with a huge expectant grin on his face like he'd just told me the funniest story in the world. I waited, then I waited some more and after a few seconds I was pretty sure this was the end of Steve's story. I couldn't fault it - it had a beginning, a middle and an end, but it was missing something crucial. A point maybe. Steve looked like he had the potential to be funny though, so I decided to press on:
'So how long have you been travelling for?'
'A long time, a long long time'
'Wow, you must have seen some amazing things'
'Oh yeah' He chuckles again 'I've seen some things you wouldn't believe'
'Really? What's the most amazing thing you've seen?'
'Well I got up early one morning, about 5am I think it was, and I went downstairs and saw this Irish girl'
'Really? Was she wearing a g-string underneath her jeans?
'Yeah, that's her. You know her?'
It was difficult to tell if he was taking the piss or not, but I had a feeling he wasn't. I could see that this conversation wasn't going anywhere, and I had to go out to the cinema again anyway. Kill Bill was sold out, so I went to see 28 Days Later instead, which has only just come out here. When I got back, all the beds were filled with new room mates, but Steve was now curled up in my sleeping bag on my bed.
Room mate 1: Is that your bed mate?
Me: Yes it is
Room mate 2: That guy loves it in there, we tried to get him out but he was loving it too much.
Me: So I see, how did he get there?
Room mate 1: Well we were all watching Crocodile Dundee II in the common room, and then Steve comes out and says 'I'll show you how to piss off a croc, I'll show you'
Room mate 2: Yeah, then he goes out to the swimming pool and just starts pissing in it, and there were these two lassies in there too.
At this point Steve starts chuckling to himself again.
Room mate 1: He got a right bollocking from the manager, and then he came back and got into your bed. Says he loves it, especially your sleeping bag.
Steve: I love your bed Steve, it's the best bed in the world.
Me: Yeah, you like my sleeping bag do you?
Steve: Yeah, and you know what?
Me: What?
Steve: I got up at 5am this morning and went downstairs and saw this girl.
Room mate 1: Really Steve? Was she Irish?
Room mate 2: Yeah, was she wearing a g-string underneath her jeans?
Steve: Yeah, I met this Irish girl downstairs, had a g-string underneath her jeans. She was amazing, you should have seen her. Had a g-string underneath her jeans.
Steve had undoubtedly told this pointless anecdote to everyone in the entire hostel by now, but I've now realised that Steve was probably the most interesting thing that happened to me that day. I think the moral is that if you have a shit story, just repeat it enough times and it'll become a good one, especially if you piss on some girls and sleep in someone else's bed in the process.
This morning I woke up at 11am and saw that Donald had packed his bags and left, but by the time I got back from seeing Lost in La Mancha at 4pm he'd been replaced by a new guy. He was an Aussie bloke in his mid 40s and already curled up in bed. He got off to a cracking start with his opening line:
'What's your name, is it Steve?'
'No, my name's Ben, but pleased to meet you anyway'
'You look like you're in a band. Are you in a band Steve?'
'No I'm not, and my name's Ben, what's yours?'
He chuckles to himself for a while and then says 'My name's Steve'
'Your name's Steve?'
'Yes'
'Are you sure about that'
'Yeah, and you know what?
'No, what?'
'I got up at 5am this morning'
'Wow that's early'
'And I went downstairs and saw this Irish girl'
'Yeah?'
'And you could see she was wearing a g-string underneath her jeans'
'Right'
Steve was looking at me with a huge expectant grin on his face like he'd just told me the funniest story in the world. I waited, then I waited some more and after a few seconds I was pretty sure this was the end of Steve's story. I couldn't fault it - it had a beginning, a middle and an end, but it was missing something crucial. A point maybe. Steve looked like he had the potential to be funny though, so I decided to press on:
'So how long have you been travelling for?'
'A long time, a long long time'
'Wow, you must have seen some amazing things'
'Oh yeah' He chuckles again 'I've seen some things you wouldn't believe'
'Really? What's the most amazing thing you've seen?'
'Well I got up early one morning, about 5am I think it was, and I went downstairs and saw this Irish girl'
'Really? Was she wearing a g-string underneath her jeans?
'Yeah, that's her. You know her?'
It was difficult to tell if he was taking the piss or not, but I had a feeling he wasn't. I could see that this conversation wasn't going anywhere, and I had to go out to the cinema again anyway. Kill Bill was sold out, so I went to see 28 Days Later instead, which has only just come out here. When I got back, all the beds were filled with new room mates, but Steve was now curled up in my sleeping bag on my bed.
Room mate 1: Is that your bed mate?
Me: Yes it is
Room mate 2: That guy loves it in there, we tried to get him out but he was loving it too much.
Me: So I see, how did he get there?
Room mate 1: Well we were all watching Crocodile Dundee II in the common room, and then Steve comes out and says 'I'll show you how to piss off a croc, I'll show you'
Room mate 2: Yeah, then he goes out to the swimming pool and just starts pissing in it, and there were these two lassies in there too.
At this point Steve starts chuckling to himself again.
Room mate 1: He got a right bollocking from the manager, and then he came back and got into your bed. Says he loves it, especially your sleeping bag.
Steve: I love your bed Steve, it's the best bed in the world.
Me: Yeah, you like my sleeping bag do you?
Steve: Yeah, and you know what?
Me: What?
Steve: I got up at 5am this morning and went downstairs and saw this girl.
Room mate 1: Really Steve? Was she Irish?
Room mate 2: Yeah, was she wearing a g-string underneath her jeans?
Steve: Yeah, I met this Irish girl downstairs, had a g-string underneath her jeans. She was amazing, you should have seen her. Had a g-string underneath her jeans.
Steve had undoubtedly told this pointless anecdote to everyone in the entire hostel by now, but I've now realised that Steve was probably the most interesting thing that happened to me that day. I think the moral is that if you have a shit story, just repeat it enough times and it'll become a good one, especially if you piss on some girls and sleep in someone else's bed in the process.