I should NEVER say....
What with all the terrible things happening one after the other....
My son and I were involved in a car accident.
We were stopped at a red light when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a car closing in at a speed where I just knew would not be able to slow and stop before hitting us.
I immediately turned my wheel to the right and was just about to step on the gas to veer off the road to try and avoid the inevitable- but my reflexes are slower nowadays.
And she plowed into the back of us.
Time moved strangely at impact.
My son yelled out, "What the hell?!!!"
As for me- I felt like she plowed into my back and smashed my ribcage.
I felt like my head was thrown forward and snapped off my neck.
I could hear the rip and snap as this happened.
I felt like my essence, my soul, was thrown out of my physical body.
I felt...very strange.
Since my wheel was turned, she pushed us off the road and we avoided hitting the car in front of us.
She was out of her car first and apologized.
She asked how we were.
If we were okay.
I didn't answer.
I didn't know.
My head was hurting.
My neck was hurting.
My ears were ringing.
And I thought I was going to faint.
We exchanged insurance info and since our vehicles were drivable- something I still have a hard time believing considering the force of the impact- we went our ways and I contacted the insurance people, knowing full well from the accident stuff I had to handle for my dad last month, that I was about to embark on a journey through Hell.
They all asked how I was, and I said I was fine- but my muscles were still tightening up and I wasn't sure I could give the same answer in the next few hours or so.
By the next day- I had to see the doctor, who gave me a shot for pain and meds to go with it.
My Sweet Baboo, GG, felt so bad for me, he bought a shit load of Chinese Take-away and brought it over.
And we we watched TV.
That did cheer me up a bit, but I still felt like my soul was missing.
I wanted to cry.
I knew the pain would be fleeting, or hoped so anyway.
I'm used to pain.
I know every aspect of it in regards to me myself personally.
The doctor's shots took care of my physical pain, but I was going through a tough psychological recovery.
I dreamt of the moment of impact over and over again.
Looking over at my son.
Feeling myself ripped in half.
And I used very bit of strength in my being to keep it all together.
But I finally went to my dad's house to let it all out.
I allowed myself to regress into a 5 year old little girl and cried to my dad while he held me and patted my back.
It had to be him.
No one else had ever seen me cry so pathetically.
But this old man had seen me cry hysterically every single day I kicked and screamed so violently about not wanting to go to school!
He'd seen me cry vehemently every single time my siblings mistreated me.
Every single time I didn't get my way.
There was a LOT of crying in my day.
And I felt better afterwards.
I just needed to know he cared.
Because he doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone but himself.
So...I still have a bit of a headache.
Considering my brains sloshed to the front of my cranium and my head is still on my shoulders simply because my skin holds it there....
There's no more ear ringing or blurry sight or lightheadedness.
I'll be okay.
My son is okay.
The car will be okay.
And right when I figured- it's all good.
Could've been worse.
I received a letter from the IRS stating I have to pay a penalty for not filing taxes this year.
I owe them almost $400 before the middle of next month.
I feel like fainting again.
Jeepers!
Can't I ever get a break?