So happy but so sad
So here it is 1am and I should really be going to bed but it's one of those nights where I just can't turn my mind off. Today, or I should say yesterday, we had a wedding shower for my niece Beth, who in 6 weeks will be a married woman. That's the happy part but there's a sad part too. My sister will be home for the wedding, I haven't seen her in, I think 4 years? Anyway, she's going to be at Beth's but that is 5 hours away, so I'm only going to see her for the 2 days that I'm up there for the wedding, when we will be so busy we won't have any sister time. I miss her so much, it's awful to have your only family on the other side of the country. I'm already dreading that Sunday when I have to leave to come home, I know the trip is going to be hellish painful along with hellish emotional. I don't hear from any of my family around here, it's like since Mom passed away, I don't belong anymore.
The other rough part was the shower, I've been housebound for so long that I'm not comfortable in social situations at all anymore. Being around people freaks me out, I just want it to be over so I can go back home and hide myself away. It's the only way I'm comfortable anymore. If I never leave the house, that's fine with me. It's a terrible feeling but I dread having to leave the house and leaving the house to go to a social situation makes me want to run and hide under my bed.
So the update on my back is there really isn't an update. I'm still in a lot of pain, although I don't think there are too many people who believe me, I guess everyone thinks I'm just faking it and that's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion. It's hell, at this point I wish I wouldn't have had the surgery, it's 3 months later and I'm in more pain than I've ever been in before. The surgeon told me it was normal to still be in this pain but I guess I should have taken a tape recorder so I could prove that yes, I'm in pain and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I know everyone is tired of listening to it and I don't blame them, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it except hope in 3 months it will feel like it was worth it, we'll see.
Anyway, I should think about heading to bed, the baby is coming in the morning for awhile and I have to be half awake because she's keeping us on our toes these days. :)
The other rough part was the shower, I've been housebound for so long that I'm not comfortable in social situations at all anymore. Being around people freaks me out, I just want it to be over so I can go back home and hide myself away. It's the only way I'm comfortable anymore. If I never leave the house, that's fine with me. It's a terrible feeling but I dread having to leave the house and leaving the house to go to a social situation makes me want to run and hide under my bed.
So the update on my back is there really isn't an update. I'm still in a lot of pain, although I don't think there are too many people who believe me, I guess everyone thinks I'm just faking it and that's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion. It's hell, at this point I wish I wouldn't have had the surgery, it's 3 months later and I'm in more pain than I've ever been in before. The surgeon told me it was normal to still be in this pain but I guess I should have taken a tape recorder so I could prove that yes, I'm in pain and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I know everyone is tired of listening to it and I don't blame them, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it except hope in 3 months it will feel like it was worth it, we'll see.
Anyway, I should think about heading to bed, the baby is coming in the morning for awhile and I have to be half awake because she's keeping us on our toes these days. :)