Writer's Block: Life Changing Experiences
Now here's a good writer's block question to answer!
Well first, because I am a mother, I have to say that having children has definitely changed my life. And having a child with special needs has made that change even more profound. It doesn't matter how grown up you think you are, having children makes you realize that you don't truly grow up until you have to put someone else's needs before your own. You learn things like patience (which may be a virtue, but it sure as hell doesn't come to you automatically). Raising Little Miss Happy Pants has shown me what unconditional love really is. I always thought I understood the concept, but your perception of everything changes when you realize that raising your child is going to take so much more than you ever thought you would have to give. It makes you a better person, dealing with a child like that, so that you view the world in a much more positive light. Especially when the child may have problems, but despite them, is one of the happiest people you've ever met. Little Miss Happy Pants has inspired me to be better than I ever thought I could be, while the others continue to test my patience (however, they're all young yet, so I'm hoping I won't have killed them before they get to grow up). I chose this one because it seemed the most obvious and because it has been the single most important thing that has happened to me since becoming of age.
Ed. You know, it's funny. I never even got the man's last name, even though he showed to be such an amazing person. It was autumn 2000, and I'd just had Little Miss Talks-a-lot. The Hubster had been working, but the pay wasn't all that great. Even with major overtime, he was barely bringing home $1,000 every two weeks. Compared to the $1700+ that I was bringing home, that was ridiculous. It was getting to be time for me to go back to work, and we were wracking our brains, trying to figure out how we were both going to continue working the same shift and have the children taken care of. I looked into getting help with the child care bills, but we made too much money for that. If either one of us was to quit, we'd qualify, but if that were to happen, then we wouldn't need it. It soon became clear that one of us was going to have to quit their job, because full-time child care for three children would have cost a lot more than what he was making in a month. And since I did make so much more, it just seemed right that I continue working and he stay home with the girls. The only problem was that we were already behind on the bills. We were getting disconnection notices from every utility supplier, and were inundated with phone calls from the landlords, wanting to know when they were going to get their rent. I went back to work, and took all the overtime I could possibly get, even working for other departments just to make a little extra money. It got to the point where I was working 14+ hours a day. I would leave the house at 6:30 and not make it home until 9:30 or 10. I hardly saw the girls or The Hubster, and I was absolutely exhausted. And still we were behind.
After about a month of this, I was getting really scared. We were barely holding our noses above water, and Christmas was coming. The baby's first Christmas. How in the hell were we even going to have a Christmas if we didn't get the bills paid? And how were we going to get the bills paid if me working (around) 80 hours a week wasn't even enough? Enter Ed.
Ed was a guy I knew on a chat room at a gaming website (that still exists, although the chat room doesn't). The same website that I met The Hubster on. Ed and I would talk, and I considered him to be as much of a friend as someone you don't really know possibly could be. One night, after working overtime and trying - yet again - to figure out which bills we were going to be able to pay that month, I went into the chat room to try and wind down, to get my mind off of things. Ed popped up on my screen and asked me a loaded question: "How are you?" I gave him an out right then and there: "Do you want to know the truth, or should I just say fine and be done with it?" The silly man actually wanted to know the truth. So I told him. The whole sordid story. I told him about being on maternity leave and having the bills pile up, about working my fingers to the bone and it still not being enough. I told him that I was seriously worried that we would end up either freezing to death or homeless, because at that point I wasn't going to be able to pay both the rent and the bills. I would have to choose between one or the other.
It turned out that Ed was a farmer from Mississippi. I'd known he was from the south, but it simply hadn't come up, what he did for a living. He was going home for Christmas, to Minnesota, where he was originally from. He would be driving within about 300 yards from my house, on Interstate 95. Would I accept his offer of some beef - already cut up by a butcher - from one of the cows on his farm?
Woah.
Once I recovered from the shock of his offer, I told him that I didn't want to give him an answer until I talked it over with The Hubster first. I never made important decisions without talking to him, and I just wasn't capable of doing it right then. I had to wrap my own brain around it first before I tried explaining it to him.
A few days later, I finally told him about it, and he agreed with me. We didn't like being in a position where we even had to consider the offer, but we had children. We had to think about them, not just our own prides. So we accepted Ed's offer, with neverending gratitude. The day came, and Ed showed up with a friend in his truck and a small trailer hitched to the back. What I didn't know at the time was that this small trailer was filled with everything he had for us. I thought it was going to be a couple of shopping bags' worth of food. But it was over 180 lbs. of beef, two large hams, 80 lbs. of potatoes, and four cases of canned vegetables.
The man single-handedly saved us.
With all of that food, I only had to buy things like bread, cereal, milk and fresh vegetables to have with the meat. My grocery bill went from $80 every two weeks (I shopped mainly at Aldi, which is the cheapest place you can shop in the US - at least where I'm from) to about $20 every two weeks. With that extra money, I managed to get all of our bills paid off just in time for Christmas. (The $800 check I got from Little Miss Happy Pants's biological father sure as hell helped, too.)
The strange thing is, I never heard from Ed again. I asked around our mutual online acquaintances, but nobody heard from him. It was like he vanished off the face of the earth, but not before acting as my family's guardian angel.
I chose this one because... well... I'm sure as hell never going to forget it. I don't exaggerate when I say that the man single-handedly saved my family from being homeless or freezing to death. And it helps me to not become caught in the trap of thinking that everybody's out to screw everybody else. While some people might be, not everyone is like that. Ed is a perfect example. All he knew of me is what he read on a computer screen, but when I needed help, he gladly offered it. Even though I hadn't asked for his help. Even if all he had done was listen to me while I vented my worries and frustrations, that still would have been what a good friend would do. But he went above and beyond what was expected of him. If Karma is a real phenomenon, that man has good Karma in spades.
My final pick of the day would have to be getting my first computer. Sounds innocent enough, doesn't it? But getting my first computer actually led to my marriage and two of my four children. Getting that computer changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.
It was 1999, and I had just gotten my first tax refund. I was on my own, a single mother with two children, without much of a social life (I only had one babysitter - 'Mom' - and she wasn't available very often). And the fact is, I'd always wanted a computer. But growing up one paycheck away from financial ruin, it just wasn't possible. But with my $3000+ refund, I could do it.
Somehow - I had absolutely no idea how - I managed to find myself online. (I didn't have a service provider, and have absolutely no idea how I managed to get connected that first time.) I managed to find myself at a popular game website, and I was like a kid in a candy store when I realized it had chat rooms.
To someone like me, who is really a sociable person, being stuck at home with the kids all the time could be enough to drive one insane. Sometimes. Not all the time; sometimes I really enjoy my solitude. But there are times when I'm just itching to talk to somebody - anybody - about anything. Having a computer and being able to log onto chat rooms was the answer I'd been looking for. I could talk to people from all over the world, and never have to leave my kids.
After that first day, I knew I had to get myself an internet service provider, and I did. Only a few weeks later, I was in that chat room when I'd gotten sick and tired of repeated requests to "cyber." In a fit of frustration, I typed into the main chat room something along the lines of "if you're OVER 21 and have something interesting to say, feel free to message me. Otherwise, leave me alone." The next thing I knew, I got a message popping up on my screen.
Those words were to become my undoing.
Within days we were timing our log-ons to coincide with one another, and we would both get upset if the other one wasn't on. Within barely a week - with a little encouragement from his uncle - he was professing his love for me. It wasn't long after that that we started talking about being together, physically. By May (we'd begun talking to each other in March), we'd decided we wanted to get married. By July, he had his plane ticket (again, thanks to his uncle). He arrived at O'Hare airport on July 7, 1999. We got married on September 11.
A little thing like getting a computer actually led to one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. And while I admit that, at times, I could literally strangle my husband, I absolutely love him more now than I did that day nearly nine years ago, when I married him.
And that, I think, speaks for itself.
Well first, because I am a mother, I have to say that having children has definitely changed my life. And having a child with special needs has made that change even more profound. It doesn't matter how grown up you think you are, having children makes you realize that you don't truly grow up until you have to put someone else's needs before your own. You learn things like patience (which may be a virtue, but it sure as hell doesn't come to you automatically). Raising Little Miss Happy Pants has shown me what unconditional love really is. I always thought I understood the concept, but your perception of everything changes when you realize that raising your child is going to take so much more than you ever thought you would have to give. It makes you a better person, dealing with a child like that, so that you view the world in a much more positive light. Especially when the child may have problems, but despite them, is one of the happiest people you've ever met. Little Miss Happy Pants has inspired me to be better than I ever thought I could be, while the others continue to test my patience (however, they're all young yet, so I'm hoping I won't have killed them before they get to grow up). I chose this one because it seemed the most obvious and because it has been the single most important thing that has happened to me since becoming of age.
Ed. You know, it's funny. I never even got the man's last name, even though he showed to be such an amazing person. It was autumn 2000, and I'd just had Little Miss Talks-a-lot. The Hubster had been working, but the pay wasn't all that great. Even with major overtime, he was barely bringing home $1,000 every two weeks. Compared to the $1700+ that I was bringing home, that was ridiculous. It was getting to be time for me to go back to work, and we were wracking our brains, trying to figure out how we were both going to continue working the same shift and have the children taken care of. I looked into getting help with the child care bills, but we made too much money for that. If either one of us was to quit, we'd qualify, but if that were to happen, then we wouldn't need it. It soon became clear that one of us was going to have to quit their job, because full-time child care for three children would have cost a lot more than what he was making in a month. And since I did make so much more, it just seemed right that I continue working and he stay home with the girls. The only problem was that we were already behind on the bills. We were getting disconnection notices from every utility supplier, and were inundated with phone calls from the landlords, wanting to know when they were going to get their rent. I went back to work, and took all the overtime I could possibly get, even working for other departments just to make a little extra money. It got to the point where I was working 14+ hours a day. I would leave the house at 6:30 and not make it home until 9:30 or 10. I hardly saw the girls or The Hubster, and I was absolutely exhausted. And still we were behind.
After about a month of this, I was getting really scared. We were barely holding our noses above water, and Christmas was coming. The baby's first Christmas. How in the hell were we even going to have a Christmas if we didn't get the bills paid? And how were we going to get the bills paid if me working (around) 80 hours a week wasn't even enough? Enter Ed.
Ed was a guy I knew on a chat room at a gaming website (that still exists, although the chat room doesn't). The same website that I met The Hubster on. Ed and I would talk, and I considered him to be as much of a friend as someone you don't really know possibly could be. One night, after working overtime and trying - yet again - to figure out which bills we were going to be able to pay that month, I went into the chat room to try and wind down, to get my mind off of things. Ed popped up on my screen and asked me a loaded question: "How are you?" I gave him an out right then and there: "Do you want to know the truth, or should I just say fine and be done with it?" The silly man actually wanted to know the truth. So I told him. The whole sordid story. I told him about being on maternity leave and having the bills pile up, about working my fingers to the bone and it still not being enough. I told him that I was seriously worried that we would end up either freezing to death or homeless, because at that point I wasn't going to be able to pay both the rent and the bills. I would have to choose between one or the other.
It turned out that Ed was a farmer from Mississippi. I'd known he was from the south, but it simply hadn't come up, what he did for a living. He was going home for Christmas, to Minnesota, where he was originally from. He would be driving within about 300 yards from my house, on Interstate 95. Would I accept his offer of some beef - already cut up by a butcher - from one of the cows on his farm?
Woah.
Once I recovered from the shock of his offer, I told him that I didn't want to give him an answer until I talked it over with The Hubster first. I never made important decisions without talking to him, and I just wasn't capable of doing it right then. I had to wrap my own brain around it first before I tried explaining it to him.
A few days later, I finally told him about it, and he agreed with me. We didn't like being in a position where we even had to consider the offer, but we had children. We had to think about them, not just our own prides. So we accepted Ed's offer, with neverending gratitude. The day came, and Ed showed up with a friend in his truck and a small trailer hitched to the back. What I didn't know at the time was that this small trailer was filled with everything he had for us. I thought it was going to be a couple of shopping bags' worth of food. But it was over 180 lbs. of beef, two large hams, 80 lbs. of potatoes, and four cases of canned vegetables.
The man single-handedly saved us.
With all of that food, I only had to buy things like bread, cereal, milk and fresh vegetables to have with the meat. My grocery bill went from $80 every two weeks (I shopped mainly at Aldi, which is the cheapest place you can shop in the US - at least where I'm from) to about $20 every two weeks. With that extra money, I managed to get all of our bills paid off just in time for Christmas. (The $800 check I got from Little Miss Happy Pants's biological father sure as hell helped, too.)
The strange thing is, I never heard from Ed again. I asked around our mutual online acquaintances, but nobody heard from him. It was like he vanished off the face of the earth, but not before acting as my family's guardian angel.
I chose this one because... well... I'm sure as hell never going to forget it. I don't exaggerate when I say that the man single-handedly saved my family from being homeless or freezing to death. And it helps me to not become caught in the trap of thinking that everybody's out to screw everybody else. While some people might be, not everyone is like that. Ed is a perfect example. All he knew of me is what he read on a computer screen, but when I needed help, he gladly offered it. Even though I hadn't asked for his help. Even if all he had done was listen to me while I vented my worries and frustrations, that still would have been what a good friend would do. But he went above and beyond what was expected of him. If Karma is a real phenomenon, that man has good Karma in spades.
My final pick of the day would have to be getting my first computer. Sounds innocent enough, doesn't it? But getting my first computer actually led to my marriage and two of my four children. Getting that computer changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.
It was 1999, and I had just gotten my first tax refund. I was on my own, a single mother with two children, without much of a social life (I only had one babysitter - 'Mom' - and she wasn't available very often). And the fact is, I'd always wanted a computer. But growing up one paycheck away from financial ruin, it just wasn't possible. But with my $3000+ refund, I could do it.
Somehow - I had absolutely no idea how - I managed to find myself online. (I didn't have a service provider, and have absolutely no idea how I managed to get connected that first time.) I managed to find myself at a popular game website, and I was like a kid in a candy store when I realized it had chat rooms.
To someone like me, who is really a sociable person, being stuck at home with the kids all the time could be enough to drive one insane. Sometimes. Not all the time; sometimes I really enjoy my solitude. But there are times when I'm just itching to talk to somebody - anybody - about anything. Having a computer and being able to log onto chat rooms was the answer I'd been looking for. I could talk to people from all over the world, and never have to leave my kids.
After that first day, I knew I had to get myself an internet service provider, and I did. Only a few weeks later, I was in that chat room when I'd gotten sick and tired of repeated requests to "cyber." In a fit of frustration, I typed into the main chat room something along the lines of "if you're OVER 21 and have something interesting to say, feel free to message me. Otherwise, leave me alone." The next thing I knew, I got a message popping up on my screen.
Those words were to become my undoing.
Within days we were timing our log-ons to coincide with one another, and we would both get upset if the other one wasn't on. Within barely a week - with a little encouragement from his uncle - he was professing his love for me. It wasn't long after that that we started talking about being together, physically. By May (we'd begun talking to each other in March), we'd decided we wanted to get married. By July, he had his plane ticket (again, thanks to his uncle). He arrived at O'Hare airport on July 7, 1999. We got married on September 11.
A little thing like getting a computer actually led to one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. And while I admit that, at times, I could literally strangle my husband, I absolutely love him more now than I did that day nearly nine years ago, when I married him.
And that, I think, speaks for itself.