not like anybody reads this stupid thing
I've been gone for a while, as you all know, working for RGIS...an inventory company. It's been a decent month or so, but i'm really beginning to question why i'm working for them. I don't love my job. And that makes me unhappy. I know...i can hear you all now, "NOBODY LOVES THEIR JOB! IT'S NOT NATURAL." But at one time I did love my job. And this stupid hurricane came and fucked it up. People lost homes and loved ones and i'm worried about a job. But I was actually happy to go to work. I enjoyed knowing what i was doing. I LOVED the fact that I was hired because I had experience (and plenty of it mind you) in that particular field. It made me feel smart. Not only that, but i learned so much more than I did in my three years of college. I just miss it. And it was dumb that I got laid-off. There's so much behind that story, that I would rather not go into it.
Aside from the new job, RGIS has provided me with plenty of Greg time. Of course, it's not exactly the "quality time" I'd prefer. So when we get home and i have the option of relaxing with him (which is what I really want...not to be running around all the time) he ends up spending it with other friends. I'm not saying that I don't want him to hang around other people...that's fine...I'm ok with that...but us sitting on the floor in a home depot counting billions of tiny screws, nuts, bolts, and washers is not what i would consider enjoyable. So we've been fighting alot lately. It bothers me that this is happening. It's bringing back those memories. It was like this before I left last time. I don't want that to happen again. Most of it is my fault...as usual. I always get pissy about the dumbest things. But I can't help it. I've tried to find reason in his actions, but I can't. It just doesn't make sense to me. It's like the littlest thing will piss me off. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I stay and try to fix it? Or should I leave for good this time?
And on top of all this, comes the living situation. I don't know how many of you know this, but I don't have a room at my house. I sleep in the garage. It is starting to get a bit cold in there. And I'm kinda getting to an age where I should have my own place. Fine. But...I also have two friends who want me to live with them. Tiffany and Greg. Tiffany is supposed to be getting a FEMA trailer. Rent free. The problem there is that I KNOW I cannot live with Tiffany. We're fine as friends, but we totally suck as roommates. Plus she's getting married soon. AND I'VE BEEN THE THIRD WHEEL FOR FUCKIN FOREVER! I just can't do that. Sorry. And as far as Greg goes. I love him. And that causes problems. Jealousy arises any time anybody calls. More or less when someone comes over. I can't put myself through that again. It hurts too much. And you know...I really did think I was over it. But as I am I typing this...i'm crying. I haven't cried in a long time. It feels good. Yes...I'm weak. SURPRISE!
I just want something good to happen to me for once. I'm not a bad person. I deserve someone to think about me once in a while. I give way alot more than people give me credit for. I'm tired of letting other people have their way just so I don't ruffle as many feathers. Inside I'm torn up. All my emotions are everywhere. I need a vacation away from everything....everyone...myself. I feel a bit better for finally getting all of this off my chest. Even though I know NOBODY will read this...It was for me.
Aside from the new job, RGIS has provided me with plenty of Greg time. Of course, it's not exactly the "quality time" I'd prefer. So when we get home and i have the option of relaxing with him (which is what I really want...not to be running around all the time) he ends up spending it with other friends. I'm not saying that I don't want him to hang around other people...that's fine...I'm ok with that...but us sitting on the floor in a home depot counting billions of tiny screws, nuts, bolts, and washers is not what i would consider enjoyable. So we've been fighting alot lately. It bothers me that this is happening. It's bringing back those memories. It was like this before I left last time. I don't want that to happen again. Most of it is my fault...as usual. I always get pissy about the dumbest things. But I can't help it. I've tried to find reason in his actions, but I can't. It just doesn't make sense to me. It's like the littlest thing will piss me off. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I stay and try to fix it? Or should I leave for good this time?
And on top of all this, comes the living situation. I don't know how many of you know this, but I don't have a room at my house. I sleep in the garage. It is starting to get a bit cold in there. And I'm kinda getting to an age where I should have my own place. Fine. But...I also have two friends who want me to live with them. Tiffany and Greg. Tiffany is supposed to be getting a FEMA trailer. Rent free. The problem there is that I KNOW I cannot live with Tiffany. We're fine as friends, but we totally suck as roommates. Plus she's getting married soon. AND I'VE BEEN THE THIRD WHEEL FOR FUCKIN FOREVER! I just can't do that. Sorry. And as far as Greg goes. I love him. And that causes problems. Jealousy arises any time anybody calls. More or less when someone comes over. I can't put myself through that again. It hurts too much. And you know...I really did think I was over it. But as I am I typing this...i'm crying. I haven't cried in a long time. It feels good. Yes...I'm weak. SURPRISE!
I just want something good to happen to me for once. I'm not a bad person. I deserve someone to think about me once in a while. I give way alot more than people give me credit for. I'm tired of letting other people have their way just so I don't ruffle as many feathers. Inside I'm torn up. All my emotions are everywhere. I need a vacation away from everything....everyone...myself. I feel a bit better for finally getting all of this off my chest. Even though I know NOBODY will read this...It was for me.