dumb boys
so my husband-less adventure begins .. i am feeling as relieved as i am sad about being away from my husband. i feel as though i am breathing easier and i have already regained some sense of control over my life and my actions again .. like i am allowed to relax and let my guard down. i didnt realize i was strung so tight until i was away from the need for my guard. that cant be good.
i fluctuate between being sad and angry and i feel horrible when i think about how surprised he was when he realized i was leaving. then i think .. he shouldnt be surprised, ive been telling him for awhile that i think a lot about leaving. and then i think .. he hasnt even acknowledged that he broke a dealbreaker and if i go back, he will think that his behavior is acceptable because my threat was idle - i didnt carry through.
he wrote to me yesterday saying that he wanted to stay where he was in case i decided to come back - i thought i had made it clear more than once that i didnt want to give our evil landBitch any more of my money yet he stays there after our lease is up just in case i come back? i dont understand at this point if he just does not fuQing listen to what i say/want or does not care or if i am overreacting to a "dumb boy" situation. this is exactly the kind of thing i am so relieved to be away from.
.. onto another day of couch-sitting and foodtv to contemplate the first move of this new adventure ..
i fluctuate between being sad and angry and i feel horrible when i think about how surprised he was when he realized i was leaving. then i think .. he shouldnt be surprised, ive been telling him for awhile that i think a lot about leaving. and then i think .. he hasnt even acknowledged that he broke a dealbreaker and if i go back, he will think that his behavior is acceptable because my threat was idle - i didnt carry through.
he wrote to me yesterday saying that he wanted to stay where he was in case i decided to come back - i thought i had made it clear more than once that i didnt want to give our evil landBitch any more of my money yet he stays there after our lease is up just in case i come back? i dont understand at this point if he just does not fuQing listen to what i say/want or does not care or if i am overreacting to a "dumb boy" situation. this is exactly the kind of thing i am so relieved to be away from.
.. onto another day of couch-sitting and foodtv to contemplate the first move of this new adventure ..