I has the sick? I can has baby yet?
I have a yucky cold, my throat hurts and I wake up coughing green. Gross. Bad timming. Why would I get sick while on mat leave, when I am home all day, rather then at work when I deal with the homeless and nearly homeless all day long? Irony.
Baby girl is on overdrive today, happily. She was more chill yesterday, more full body movements and less sharp jabs, I was also having lots of Braxton Hicks yesterday so that may be why. I will be 36 weeks on Thursday. If I were on a 28 day cycle I was 36 weeks yesterday, but we are calculating based on my longer cycles. Can I has a baby on the outside yet? I want her to be mature, but some moments the stress and anxiety are all consuming. She is using my tummy as a boxers speed bag right now, I swear, it's thrashing all over the place.
The weird cramping continues, today I was having shooting pains in the damn butt, like up and down my rectum, she must be pushing against something. I also have over reactive bowels for like 4 or 5 days now. She is head down, deep and heavy, each step I take I feel like I am going to pee, even if I just peed. I need to pee while I am peeing, it's nuts and rather limiting :) .
I am having a breathtaking contraction as I type, wish they would get more regular, they are still super sporatic. Heartburn has gotten worse if that's even possible, I am taking prescription strength Ranitidine now, and I am allowed 2 a day, but had only been needing 1, yesterday I took 2 and still have heartburn, today my esophagus is on fire again.
Can you even imagine how despretly bad I want to get her room ready. Dave finished the basement and moved the office all down there, so now her space is just empty. I want so badly to paint it, get the shelves up with the diapers all laid out, set up the change station and crib. The urge is all consuming but the anxiety holds me back. I have some clothes and diapers ready and that's it. It's much easier to put away clothes and diapers then it would be to re-paint and take apart an entire nursery again, I just can't face that twice in one lifetime. So we leave it empty for the time being, and Dave says it will be his project when he is home with us. I guess it will be more rewarding to prepare her space with her in the sling then it is now.
Since loosing Evan, I have had this thing, were I beleived I could sent him messages via foggy windows and mirrors. I find myself tracing messages to him all the time when I am in the shower, just so happens our last two bathrooms have window's inside the shower. This morning I wrote Dear Evan, please take good care of your little sister and get her to us safely, love Mom. It's comforting to me to communicate with him this way.