(no subject)
I've been a miserable wreck lately. I don't understand what my problem is. Maybe it's got something to do with pregnancy and all of that feminine language I wouldn't prefer to use. Regardless, I can't seem to be motivated enough into doing the right things. It's a terrible state to be in, and it's something that I'm certainly not proud of. When things get too heavy or stressful, I look for relief by being as irresponsible as I can be without ruining my life. I want to bounce checks and not pay bills and give my child a pacifier even though I said we're weaning him from that. Stuff like that.
I'm hoping for more wisdom. I hope I'll be less naive in the future. I remember always thinking, "If I could just get to this point in my life, all of my problems would be solved." I still think that way sometimes, though less deliberately. The other day I was in some deep thought while driving home. Someone stole our CD player's faceplate, so I'm left to my thoughts and/or Jacob's screams on any kind of driving trip. I thought, "If only I could obtain utmost patience, then life would be altogether pleasant." I hope to stop that as soon as possible. ;) I particularly thought that way with getting married, being a housewife, having a child, and then being a stay-at-home mom. It's all wonderful employment, but it gets really lonely and frustrating when pleasing Christ isn't foremost. Without Christ as God, life sucks. To put it mildly. The times I just want to live for self and have no rules are the times when I'm most miserable and discontent. And the solution to my loneliness isn't picking up a part-time job at Dollar Tree or some other spackle-type answer. I ought to learn to do all to the glory of God. So... that's what I'm going to do.
I'm hoping for more wisdom. I hope I'll be less naive in the future. I remember always thinking, "If I could just get to this point in my life, all of my problems would be solved." I still think that way sometimes, though less deliberately. The other day I was in some deep thought while driving home. Someone stole our CD player's faceplate, so I'm left to my thoughts and/or Jacob's screams on any kind of driving trip. I thought, "If only I could obtain utmost patience, then life would be altogether pleasant." I hope to stop that as soon as possible. ;) I particularly thought that way with getting married, being a housewife, having a child, and then being a stay-at-home mom. It's all wonderful employment, but it gets really lonely and frustrating when pleasing Christ isn't foremost. Without Christ as God, life sucks. To put it mildly. The times I just want to live for self and have no rules are the times when I'm most miserable and discontent. And the solution to my loneliness isn't picking up a part-time job at Dollar Tree or some other spackle-type answer. I ought to learn to do all to the glory of God. So... that's what I'm going to do.