(no subject)
Soo...I'm sitting in student involvement..doing nothing well because its only the 3rd day of school and Mr.Duckworth has nothing for me to do yet. Life has been going pretty well for the most part. Mom and i have been getting along somewhat following our most recent "falling-out" when i went to GMU to visit Owen without asking or telling her. oops....right...So an update on what has been going on- I've started my senior year of high school (still lame in my opinion, i feel like im ready to be out of the house by now) I'm captain of the cross country team (yay) and at this point i am number one...but all that could change...Michael and i are over- done with FOREVER...lets hope at least. I'm praying and hoping that hes out of my life for good. I never want to see him again and i never want to think of him again. but that doesnt happen....i think about him a lot actually..and it hurts me constantly. I just feel like year after year i rely on a man to be the pinnacle (sp?) of my life and he always lets me down...this includes my father. As a teenage girl growing up without a father is probably one of the most emotionally damaging things that has happened to me. I surround myself with men to level out the fact...but noone has seemed to rise to the occassion yet. I guess I'm ready to be at that point in my life where men take relationships seriously...and they don't just see me as another girlfriend...i guess im ready to be in my late 20s in that sense but at the same time i am the one here not ready for a serious relationship. I guess that only applies to michael and i and the way i wanted us to be.
So relationship wise what is going on with me?? Well there's Owen....what exactly are owen and i??? i dont really know. I know that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship and that he thinks he loves me....but i also know that im not ready for that because of distance problems and other things that constantly run through my head...i dont think it would be fair to either of us to jump into anything right now...He is amazing though and even though he's a nerd and a metro i still care for him the same....but im not in love with him. I dont want to hurt him so ive tried to tell him straight up what im going through but sometimes im not really able to. I cant talk to him about what happened between michael and i....i just cant....i dunno i just dont feel comfortable with it at all
....the bell just rang and im going to lunch but i shall continue when i get back
So relationship wise what is going on with me?? Well there's Owen....what exactly are owen and i??? i dont really know. I know that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship and that he thinks he loves me....but i also know that im not ready for that because of distance problems and other things that constantly run through my head...i dont think it would be fair to either of us to jump into anything right now...He is amazing though and even though he's a nerd and a metro i still care for him the same....but im not in love with him. I dont want to hurt him so ive tried to tell him straight up what im going through but sometimes im not really able to. I cant talk to him about what happened between michael and i....i just cant....i dunno i just dont feel comfortable with it at all
....the bell just rang and im going to lunch but i shall continue when i get back