Ok first, imagine me giving you a big hug. Ok, imagining it, yet? There you go. Second, big wedding, small wedding, no wedding, I, and those who truly care about YOU, don’t care what happens one way or another. I love you and Caiden, regardless. Nothing about the plans for this wedding changes that. Third, for whatever reason, it sounds like your parents don’t want to pay for this wedding. Now they could have legitimate reasons for not wanting to pay (like being more pressed for cash than you originally thought), or reasons that could potentially be really hurtful. But accepting that they do not want to pay, it’s time to analyze what about this wedding is really important to you. Do you want this wedding for practical reasons (health insurance, taxes, survivor rights, etc.)? Or do you want this wedding as a mutual expression of commitment between you and Brandon because you feel like your relationship needs that? Are you trying to make someone else happy by having it (like Brandon’s family, maybe) and it isn’t really that important to you? Or do you want this wedding because you feel like you’ve had kind of a crappy hard year, with so much being out of your control that you just want this one thing to be perfect, normal, like all other American brides, just the way you want it? How you answer that question, determines what you should do next. If it’s practical reasons, then maybe you should just go to the courthouse. If it’s the commitment, then maybe it’s time to look at your relationship with Brandon and figure out what’s making you insecure about it, because maybe you need to listen to that voice before you act. If it’s for his family, then Brandon needs to be pulling his weight by running interference for you and backing you up 100%. If it’s the last reason, then that’s really understandable that you want this day just for you. But at what cost? I can see that the effort you’re putting into trying to get this wedding off the ground is really driving you insane. It’s making you frustrated with everyone around you for not stepping up enough, it’s making you worry about money, it’s making you feel rushed, overwhelmed, angry, and stressed. It’s making you sound stressed and crazy to your friends, it’s probably affecting the way you act around Brandon, and the way you act around Caiden. It seems the price of all this frustration, worry, and anger is maybe not worth it, and in the end it may still not happen just the way you really want it because so many factors in this wedding are still out of your control. At the end of the day, you are still the mom to the most amazing handsome baby in the world, who’s growing and changing so fast, that he is just a miracle. And you are a damn good mom. You have a relationship with a guy who really does love you. Brandon’s mom and family give you generous, loving, steady support. One thought on your dad. I think he’s a really good guy who loves you very much. He does, however, have to live with your mom, and sometimes he may find it easier to just go with her flow and agree with her, than fight her all the time. He may see going along with her as the only way he can survive. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, of not standing up for you, but it may help you forgive it. Just some thoughts…
Second, big wedding, small wedding, no wedding, I, and those who truly care about YOU, don’t care what happens one way or another. I love you and Caiden, regardless. Nothing about the plans for this wedding changes that.
Third, for whatever reason, it sounds like your parents don’t want to pay for this wedding. Now they could have legitimate reasons for not wanting to pay (like being more pressed for cash than you originally thought), or reasons that could potentially be really hurtful.
But accepting that they do not want to pay, it’s time to analyze what about this wedding is really important to you. Do you want this wedding for practical reasons (health insurance, taxes, survivor rights, etc.)? Or do you want this wedding as a mutual expression of commitment between you and Brandon because you feel like your relationship needs that? Are you trying to make someone else happy by having it (like Brandon’s family, maybe) and it isn’t really that important to you? Or do you want this wedding because you feel like you’ve had kind of a crappy hard year, with so much being out of your control that you just want this one thing to be perfect, normal, like all other American brides, just the way you want it?
How you answer that question, determines what you should do next. If it’s practical reasons, then maybe you should just go to the courthouse. If it’s the commitment, then maybe it’s time to look at your relationship with Brandon and figure out what’s making you insecure about it, because maybe you need to listen to that voice before you act. If it’s for his family, then Brandon needs to be pulling his weight by running interference for you and backing you up 100%. If it’s the last reason, then that’s really understandable that you want this day just for you. But at what cost? I can see that the effort you’re putting into trying to get this wedding off the ground is really driving you insane. It’s making you frustrated with everyone around you for not stepping up enough, it’s making you worry about money, it’s making you feel rushed, overwhelmed, angry, and stressed. It’s making you sound stressed and crazy to your friends, it’s probably affecting the way you act around Brandon, and the way you act around Caiden. It seems the price of all this frustration, worry, and anger is maybe not worth it, and in the end it may still not happen just the way you really want it because so many factors in this wedding are still out of your control.
At the end of the day, you are still the mom to the most amazing handsome baby in the world, who’s growing and changing so fast, that he is just a miracle. And you are a damn good mom. You have a relationship with a guy who really does love you. Brandon’s mom and family give you generous, loving, steady support.
One thought on your dad. I think he’s a really good guy who loves you very much. He does, however, have to live with your mom, and sometimes he may find it easier to just go with her flow and agree with her, than fight her all the time. He may see going along with her as the only way he can survive. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, of not standing up for you, but it may help you forgive it.
Just some thoughts…
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