Word vomit
So, I am dropping French!
Apart from the inherent body-fascism and heteronormativity of the French curriculum (seriously every year there is a unit on love-and-marriage and another on health-and-diet.) I just can't handle the workload. French is... I want to love French, I know I used to love French and I would like to again. As an anglophone Canadian, I think it's an incredibly important thing to learn to be bilingual. But-- Right now, at least, I can't do it.
I had a teacher in high school who absolutely hated me, and I never really understood why. When I had her, I hadn't really come out of my shell yet, so I don't think she saw me as a mouthy brat with an attitude problem (athough I am aware that I have come off like that on many occasions!). I was kind of a goth when I took her class, so that might have been it, but it was a school with a uniform so I don't know if anyone even really noticed.
But the first year I had her, she'd completely ignore me and be like, "Come on, someone must know the answer!" while I waved my hand in the air. The second year-- because French is important to me, I took it a second year-- my two friends would be talking in the row in front of me, but she liked them, so she yelled at me instead. End result? My self-esteem is shot. All the shyness and social anxiety that I've worked hard to get rid of in most of my life comes back full force in French class and I just sit there trying to make myself as small and invisible as possible.
I have to take at least a year more of French in order to graduate, and went to this school on purpose partially because of that requirement, but... I can't do this anymore right now. Maybe in the summer, if it's the only class I'm in, I'll be able to focus more energy on it, but as one of five...? No.
Anyway, sorry about the word vomit. I needed to get this off my chest, to justify it to myself because I've never actually dropped a class before, even in high school when there was no money involved. Because my mental health is more important than the $600.
This entry was originally posted at http://gwenfrankenstien.dreamwidth.org/36114.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Apart from the inherent body-fascism and heteronormativity of the French curriculum (seriously every year there is a unit on love-and-marriage and another on health-and-diet.) I just can't handle the workload. French is... I want to love French, I know I used to love French and I would like to again. As an anglophone Canadian, I think it's an incredibly important thing to learn to be bilingual. But-- Right now, at least, I can't do it.
I had a teacher in high school who absolutely hated me, and I never really understood why. When I had her, I hadn't really come out of my shell yet, so I don't think she saw me as a mouthy brat with an attitude problem (athough I am aware that I have come off like that on many occasions!). I was kind of a goth when I took her class, so that might have been it, but it was a school with a uniform so I don't know if anyone even really noticed.
But the first year I had her, she'd completely ignore me and be like, "Come on, someone must know the answer!" while I waved my hand in the air. The second year-- because French is important to me, I took it a second year-- my two friends would be talking in the row in front of me, but she liked them, so she yelled at me instead. End result? My self-esteem is shot. All the shyness and social anxiety that I've worked hard to get rid of in most of my life comes back full force in French class and I just sit there trying to make myself as small and invisible as possible.
I have to take at least a year more of French in order to graduate, and went to this school on purpose partially because of that requirement, but... I can't do this anymore right now. Maybe in the summer, if it's the only class I'm in, I'll be able to focus more energy on it, but as one of five...? No.
Anyway, sorry about the word vomit. I needed to get this off my chest, to justify it to myself because I've never actually dropped a class before, even in high school when there was no money involved. Because my mental health is more important than the $600.
This entry was originally posted at http://gwenfrankenstien.dreamwidth.org/36114.html. Please comment there using OpenID.