(no subject)
I want a friend
I want supportive parents
I want to dance
I want to smoke
I want a drink
I want to sleep out in the grass
I want to sit in the shower
I want someone to love me
I want someone to stay
I want to hug Patrick
I want to cry to Erica
I want to beat up Jeff for hurting Erica
I want to smash certain people apart
I want to ride a roller coaster
I want to find a great love
I want to go to drum corps
I want to fly
I want to sing
I want to sleep in the mall on those display beds
I want to buy a house
Or just move out first
I want to punch my mormon neighbors
I want to meet Britney Spears
I want to be sung to
I want a song writen about me
I want to be kissed
So, not in the mood right now. My mom is bitching at me because whenever she tries to talk to me.. i'm just not feeling a deep conversation with her. I'm getting together with Darryl friday, and that will let me get some things off my chest. I'm pissed. I'm mad about a lot of things. I need my friends. I need to drive, I need the sun,. I need a lot of things. There are just too many things inside my head that no one will understand. I wish I had a big stuffed doll so I could pretend it was real, and talk to it. Maybe then I would finally feel comfort in my life and be able to sleep easier tonight. Cheals is now an aunt. I'm so happy for her sister. Congrats love!
I remember when Erica and I were younger we were planning on going to the prom with out dates together, get married together, have babies at the same time.. it was perfect. She was going to be my best friend, my neighbor, god just everything. She's leaving in September for Bellingham. Man I want to kill Jeff. She cried today. I saw it. And for the first time I didn't know what to do. What are you suppose to do when the one person you love and have loved for so long, starts to cry. I would do anything for her.. I just don't know what that anything is.
It's amazing how when I was in highschool my drama and anger was because of boys, clothes, and what color is right for my hair.. now it's so much more. Things that are actually important to me. I was waiting for my life to start moving up.. and it did for a while. Everything when it comes to school, corps, those things are going fine. But now it's slowly going back to the way things were. I need to forget. Eddie told me I don't have a problem with church, i have a problem with God. Maybe him and I will go to church together this weekend. That may be good.
please show me how to fight this
God has a master plan.... and I know.... I'm in His demand.... so please save me.