when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire
I'm still so hurt I want to throw up. Am now pretty positive he did it on purpose to hurt me, and I know if I can still be hurt like this, and he is willing to throw the punches to do it, that I can't ever see him again. I forgot he had this in him, forgot that for all his talk he gets this horrible when he doesn't know what else to do. I had promised to make this so drama free, to make sure I wasn't playing games, and to be a bigger person than I was the last time I went through this. I forgot that he might not feel the same. And I forgot how hard this whole thing is. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about this, tired of thinking about it, tired of the tight knot in the pit of my stomach that reminds me that loving people as much as I do makes it hurt more. I never expect the people I love to hurt me, because I believe the most revolutionary thing you can do is treat the people you love with respect and dignity. I want to believe that if we all do, then we wont need to hurt each other. I should know better, I'm too much of a cynic to be such a godamn hippie at heart.
I don't want to be loved until I remember the feeling of walking around and believing that everyone in this whole wide world could love me forever and all I would have to do is love them back.
To find that again I need space of my own, I need some trees and I need work that I love. Even if I dont get paid for it. I think I need Brooklyn. I feel for the first time that I don't have to jump into someone else's arms, that to do the next one right I'm going to have to do it on my own first. and so, in the immortal words of one Alanis Morrisette "You live, you learn...."
or, lets say to be a little classier, in the words of Regina Spektor, "all of my friends say it's gonna get better, better better better better better better"
I am resisting the urge to make this even more like high school by sending song lyrics. Avoiding it by posting them here for my own relief. This song bizzarely sums up the entire relationship from start to finish. And yes, it was on the O.C. soundtrack, and yes, you could probably tell if you heard it.
blow me.
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...
I don't want to be loved until I remember the feeling of walking around and believing that everyone in this whole wide world could love me forever and all I would have to do is love them back.
To find that again I need space of my own, I need some trees and I need work that I love. Even if I dont get paid for it. I think I need Brooklyn. I feel for the first time that I don't have to jump into someone else's arms, that to do the next one right I'm going to have to do it on my own first. and so, in the immortal words of one Alanis Morrisette "You live, you learn...."
or, lets say to be a little classier, in the words of Regina Spektor, "all of my friends say it's gonna get better, better better better better better better"
I am resisting the urge to make this even more like high school by sending song lyrics. Avoiding it by posting them here for my own relief. This song bizzarely sums up the entire relationship from start to finish. And yes, it was on the O.C. soundtrack, and yes, you could probably tell if you heard it.
blow me.
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...