Who You Want
“Harris, I can hear your complaints from here. Knock it off; not like this was my bloody idea.” The blond was leaning on the opposite wall, seeming to be entirely unaffected. Sighing, the vampire walked to the one piece of furniture in the room, a large bed, and dropped himself onto it. “May as well just get some sleep. We’ve got the next, oh, eternity to work out the kinks,” he said with a flourish of hand gestures, “no use losing sleep over it.”
“Kinks?” Xander, of course, knew what Spike meant, or what he should have meant, but his hyped up mind could only jump to one conclusion. “What sort of kinks? Spike, I’m not okay with kinks.”
Spike looked up at him, bewildered, and then caught on and sighed, dropping his head back onto the pillows. “The problems, Harris. The routine and arrangements and bloody whatnot. Don’t go gettin’ too far ahead of yourself there.”
Xander glared from his position on the floor, but didn’t say anything else.
“Are you getting up here or sleeping down there?” Xander didn’t move. “Oh, bloody hell. Harris! Get your arse up here and go to sleep; I will not be getting yelled at for not taking care of you.” Xander finally stood, his hands balling and his face turning red.
“‘Taking care of’? Spike, I don’t need ‘taking care of’! I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself!”
“So do it! You’ve done nothing but wallow since this afternoon. I can’t change what happened, and neither can you or anyone else. So grow a pair and deal with it. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly ecstatic over the turn of events!” Xander crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. Spike stood up and started tearing back the bedcovers, grumbling under his breath. “Tied for the rest of my bloody unlife to a fucking ungrateful brat of a white hat.”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“No. I don’t have to. I’ll bitch and moan all I want, because this,” he gestured wildly with his hand between them, “sucks. I don’t want to be here any more than you do, but we don’t have a choice. Now either at least pretend to suck it up, or go back to your corner and be quiet about it, because I’m sick of sitting and glaring.”
“But-”
“No fucking ‘buts’!” Spike pulled off his shirt, and reached for the fly of his jeans. “I’m getting into bed and going to sleep so I can blissfully forget that I’m fucking hitched to Xander Fucking Harris for a few hours!” The vampire was shouting now, and threw himself into the bed, leaving Xander blinking at him.
“You know, this isn’t what I imagined my life would be like. Growing up, even after I knew about stuff, I still always thought I’d marry a nice girl and have some kids.”
“Well, too bad. You’ve got me, and not a bleeding chance of kids.”
“I got that, thanks.”
“Harris, shut up.” Sighing, Xander undressed and joined Spike in the bed in his boxers.
~~
The next month was a strange and awkward experience. A routine fell around them, of Xander going to work and Spike sleeping during the majority of the days, and the two eating and then joining the others on patrol in the evenings. Spike would see Xander home, then go back out on his own while the human slept, and things would start again the next morning.
Weekends were a little different, because Xander didn’t work, but they still managed to avoid unnecessary communication and all possible contact. However, they both knew it couldn’t last forever.
Xander came home one Saturday evening after dinner with the girls to find Spike sitting on the couch with a beer, staring at the television. While not unusual, it was odd, because the appliance was turned off.
“Uh, you okay?” Xander ventured uncertainly as he hung up his jacket. Spike blinked and looked up.
“What are you doing home already?”
Xander raised an eyebrow. “Told you I’d be back by eight.”
“But it’s only…” Spike trailed off, seeing the clock in the kitchen behind Xander. It was actually a quarter after eight. “Oh.” Xander’s eyebrows came together in reluctant concern.
“Are you okay?” he repeated.
“Not really. Sat down four hours ago. Didn’t even notice.”
“What… What’s wrong?”
Spike let out a huff of air through his nose that Xander translated as an un-amused laugh. “What isn’t wrong, Harris?” Xander opened his mouth, hoping an intelligent answer would come out, but Spike kept talking. “My entire existence has been one train wreck after another and, really, the phone call I got today was just the icing on my shit-cake.”
“Who called?”
“Who do you think?” Xander’s eyes went to the tiled floor he was standing on and he nodded his understanding.
“What did they want?”
Spike released another huff, then took a long draw on his beer. “They said they know…they know we haven’t…and we need to…or else…”
“Spike, you’re not using complete sentences, so it’s really hard to translate from crazy-vamp into English. Harder than usual.”
Spike looked up into Xander’s face.
“They know we’ve not done it, and if we don’t consummate the marriage, they’ll be along to carve something precious from each of us.”
Xander felt all of his blood drain to his feet in an attempt to exit his body en masse, and grabbed the counter beside him to keep from falling. His eyes were closed to concentrate on not puking at the thought of what they might do, and he didn’t notice the small flinch of Spike’s frame.
“Did they say… I mean, what’s it going to take? Does it have to be full sex, or would something less satisfy them?”
“I don’t know,” Spike said, not looking up at him.
“Fuck.” Xander rubbed at his face, then sighed. “How soon?” Spike was staring avidly into his beer.
“Soon as possible.” Xander sighed.
“Alright. I… Let me go take a shower. You wanna get the room ready?”
Spike looked up. “You want to use the bed? Or would you rather do it somewhere else?”
“Spike, no matter where we do it, we’ll be faced with the spot every day.”
“Right.”
Xander turned and walked to the bathroom, planning on a short visit between his hand and his cock, which had been the only action he’d been getting since he and Anya broke it off a year ago. He wanted to be ready to just go when he got out, but he also knew it wouldn’t take long once they started, because this was another body that would be pressing against him.
As he stepped under the spray, he realized they hadn’t discussed who would do what. Xander had never… Spike might have, but probably not with a human. That would probably be degrading or something for a Master vampire, right?
Xander shuddered thinking about what Spike might want him to do. He didn’t think he could play the girl’s part, but really didn’t want to get into a fight with Spike about it. Sighing, he pushed it aside, drawing up images to get himself hard as he washed.
~~
When he exited the bathroom, towel around his hips poorly hiding his erection, he was accosted by a shirtless Spike. Xander jerked in surprise as a black piece of silk was tied around his eyes. “Spike? What the hell?”
“Shh…” Lips were just touching his earlobe, a voice softly hissing in his ear. “So who were you thinking about in there, hmm? The witches, maybe? Or Buffy?”
Swallowing, Xander answered, “A-Anya. And Tara.” He felt something brush his cheek lightly, not knowing it was Spike’s eyelashes as he closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing that. Then Spike took Xander’s hand and led him through the apartment. Xander felt he should know where Spike was taking him, but he felt disoriented from the blindfold. “Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about that, pet,” Spike whispered, and Xander straightened at the pet name. Spike never called him pet. Or any of the other names he used for the girls, like luv or ducks. He was always Harris or some less-than-affectionate insult. He shivered when Spike kissed his neck. “I promise this will be good.”
Xander nodded, letting himself be led, and then gasped in surprise when he was pushed into a soft chair. He heard Spike step away for a moment, and took in the scents. There was incense, and vanilla that had to be coming from candles. “Spike?”
“Hush, pet.” Xander was shocked when a chocolate-dipped strawberry was pressed into his mouth. “Tonight, I’m whoever you want, okay?” Xander didn’t know how to respond to that, but didn’t have a chance as chapped lips pressed against his own, gently working them open.
A cool tongue made its way into his mouth, touching timidly at the roof and his cheeks. He had expected to taste blood, beer, and cigarettes, but what he received was an explosion of mint and citrus. Spike must have brushed before starting all this, and then Xander was flushing bright red because he hadn’t thought to do the same. Hopefully the chocolate and fruit he’d been fed would cover anything unpleasant.
Just as Xander thought he was going to die from a lack of oxygen, the mouth pulled back, and cool, nimble fingers were trailing his abdomen. Those lips fell upon his nipples, lapping and sucking at one and then the other while the hands slid down to the towel, massaging him through it.
Xander moaned, lifting his hips up a little, wanting more. The terrycloth was pulled away, and he whined when the mouth left his chest, but nearly screamed as it engulfed his cock in one easy sweep, from tip to base.
Spike swallowed around him, his hands holding him firmly in place by the hips. His tongue wrapped around him and tugged, then lapped with strong presses. He pulled back, sucking on the head and rubbing the rest of the length.
Xander had no idea how long this went on. Spike gripped tightly both times Xander was about to cum, stopping him cold. Xander was whining and shifting in his seat when Spike finally backed off.
Xander had tried to take off the blindfold, wanting to watch himself disappear into that mouth, to remember what shade of pink the lips were, to see the look in Spike’s face, because he must have been enjoying himself; nobody could give head like that without liking it. But Spike had stopped him, telling him not to touch it, and repeated his claim that he was whomever Xander wanted.
Xander really should have said something that time, but Spike had been rubbing the whole time and went right back to swallowing as soon as the words passed his lips.
Xander was panting now and reached out for Spike, but didn’t touch him. “Wha? Where’d you go?” Then he felt fingers on his neck.
“Right here, pet,” Spike said in that quiet, husky, light voice he’d been using all night. Then Xander heard him unzip his jeans.
He shivered when he heard the heavy material hit the ground. Xander reached over, grabbing the vampire by a hip and pulled him part way around the chair. He trailed his fingers over the curve of Spike’s ass and let them slide between the cheeks, surprised to find Spike was already wet and ready. He started to stand, but Spike pushed him down by the shoulders.
“Shh… Just relax, pet.” How was he supposed to relax when he had a wet and ready Spike waiting for him? “Let me.” And then Spike was sinking onto him. Xander moaned at the feeling of the slightly cool, extremely tight channel stretching around him. One hand slid down to feel the taut skin, and Xander had to grab himself that time to keep from exploding too early.
Spike made a few small sounds, but relaxed around him. Then he started moving, raising and lowering himself. Xander’s eyes rolled back and he dropped his head on the top of the chair. “Oh God,” he groaned. He reached out to pull Spike in for another kiss, because the other one had been great, but was concerned to realize Spike was facing away from him. Was that an easier position? Maybe. Xander had no experience and so no idea, but he really wanted to taste that mouth again.
He wrapped his arms around Spike’s stomach and pulled him back, kissing up his neck, then his jaw, and finally finding his lips. Spike made a few sounds when he was moved, and his rhythm changed. The different position came with a new angle. Xander wondered which felt better, but he wasn’t going to waste his breath to ask when he could be plundering that mouth.
Spike was using his hands on the arms of the chair and his feet on the floor to move, grinding down into Xander’s lap and moaning with every pass. Xander felt himself drawing tight and knew he was close. Wanting to be sure Spike wasn’t left behind, Xander’s hands drifted down, searching out his cock. However, Spike grabbed them before they could find it and trapped them under his own on the chair as he increased his tempo.
Small, whimpering sounds were escaping Spike’s throat now. Xander was grunting and growling softly. Finally, Xander couldn’t hold back any longer, and he came hard and long deep inside of Spike. Just as he started, Spike tensed and tightened, breaking his lips free and gasping as they both shot out string after string.
After a long, quiet moment, Spike stood and pulled Xander up, leading him back to the bedroom. Leaving the room, Spike murmured that he could take off the blindfold now, and then took off to the shower.
Xander removed the fabric and blinked at the light. What the hell was that? Shrugging, Xander got dressed and went to the living room to watch television. He noted that there was no scent of candles, incense, or sex in the room, and he hadn’t recognized the feel of the chair. There was only one room in the apartment Xander didn’t know well, and that was Spike’s private space. They each had a room just for them to escape to if needed, but that Spike would take him in there… Xander was drawn again to the confusion of Spike’s attitude tonight.
~~
When Spike left the shower, Xander looked at him from the couch. Spike averted his eyes and went to the kitchen to heat up some blood. He stood in front of the microwave, watching the mug turn circles. When it was done, he stayed there, drinking it. Xander sighed, deciding that Spike wasn’t going to come out to the couch, and walked into the kitchen as he started a second mug.
“Hey.”
Spike didn’t answer except to glance up at him and then back to the microwave. Xander couldn’t comprehend why Spike was acting like this. It was like he was afraid of something. That Xander would feel forced? Well, the whole situation was forced upon them, but that one act was needed to ensure their safety. Maybe he was embarrassed about it? That was possible, Xander knew he was, but not to the point of wanting to hide away. Honestly, that had been the best experience they had had together since getting married. Actually, since meeting, but that was nitpicking.
“Spike, what…” He stopped talking as Spike shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it. We’re good now.”
Xander’s face contracted in confusion. “Well maybe I want to worry about it. What was that all about? I mean, I know we had to, but I’m wondering about the blindfold and the candles.”
Spike shrugged. “Thought a blindfold would be easier; not lookin’ at each other, might not degenerate into an argument.”
“Spike, why did you…” Xander didn’t know how to ask what he wanted to know. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. When the timer rang, Xander stole the blood and went to the couch. Spike followed, wanting his dinner. “Talk to me, okay? Because I feel like I missed something somewhere.” Spike sipped at his mug. “I came home, and you looked like somebody had died. Then you said we had to have sex, and I took a shower. When I came out, you were…it was weird. Good, but weird. And now you’re all clammed up and I don’t know if you’re scared or embarrassed or what, but it’s freaking me out. So could you please explain what is going on in there?”
Spike sighed. “I don’t want to-”
“You know what? Too bad. Because I think you need to. Something is wrong, and you’re my husband, as weird as that is, and I want you to tell me what’s going on.”
Spike’s eyes closed and he took a moment to gather himself together. “Fine. Let’s back up to when you walked in. Recall me saying something about my shit-cake of a life?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, you wanna hear me bitch out the long version or the summarization?”
“Whatever you want.”
Spike did the semi-laugh again and shook his head. “I’m gonna take the short one, because what you really want to know is what’s bothering me now, and reciting a hundred-plus years of shit first won’t help much. Basically, as a human I was nothing and no one. As a vampire, I was king of the world, but still not enough for Dru or Angelus. Then the chip, and I was less than nothing, but I couldn’t just die. And after that, there was domestication and caring and love and getting torn to pieces again.” Xander nodded. “But now I’m even worse off!” Spike’s voice was rising a bit. “I was forced into a relationship that wasn’t wanted, and am stuck in a loveless marriage, and it feels like there are fucking needles stabbing into me every time I’m reminded that there are and never will be any good emotions attached to this situation. And then they called, saying I had to get you to sleep with me, even though it’s pretty obvious that you could hardly hold down your dinner at the thought of it! And now things are more awkward, and I just wish…” Spike didn’t finish his sentence, but kicked the coffee table in front of them.
Xander sat for a long moment, just absorbing what Spike had said. He reached out to touch the vampire, but he jerked away and to his feet.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna go out.” And before Xander could say anything else, he was gone.
~~
Xander heard Spike come in early the next morning, due to his drunken fumbling, and wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that Spike dropped himself on the couch and slept there rather than come to bed. He couldn’t sleep then, but lay in bed, making plans for that night. Because he had to do something.
~~
Having called the girls to tell them not to call unless imminent apocalypse was confirmed, eaten, showered, and brushed his teeth, Xander was set. He heated some blood and woke Spike.
“Good morning,” he said, holding out the mug. Spike blinked. “Well, I suppose it’s mid-afternoon, but whatever.” Spike reached out and took the blood. He drank it quickly, hoping it would help with the headache associated with a hangover, and then looked back at Xander.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just… Okay, I was thinking about the stuff you said last night, about us, and I came to a conclusion.”
Spike groaned. “Damnit Harris, I told you to forget about it.”
“Actually, you said not to worry about it, but it didn’t really work. Look, you’re right about us being forced into this unwanted marriage and there’s nothing we can do about it, but the least we can do is get along. Spike, we need to communicate, to be able to talk and sort things out. I know I’m channeling a little bit of the female half of the population, but if we don’t work at this, we are going to be miserable for forever.” Spike half-nodded in concession. “I don’t know where you got the notion that the thought of having sex with you made me sick, Spike. Would you tell me?”
“It was written on your face, Harris. The second I told you, you went pale and nearly keeled over.”
“Oh. That wasn’t about the sex. That was about the potential body-mutilation.” Spike looked subdued, but a little better. Xander wasn’t stupid, he knew Spike was damn attractive, and he had received more than enough offers from Spike before all this to know the vampire had no problem with being physical with him, so the thought that Spike was insecure about Xander even wanting him like that hadn’t occurred to him. He had assumed Spike was confident enough in his own looks to be sure about it.
“You warmed up in the shower, like you didn’t think I could…” Spike trailed off, possibly embarrassed, not by the sexual nature of their conversation, but the emotional grounding of it.
“Okay. I…didn’t know. I’d never been with a guy, and I just wanted it to be quick, I guess. Because I was nervous.” Spike sat silently for a few minutes. “So the blindfold and saying you were whoever I wanted?”
“That was… I just wanted to help you keep it up, I guess. I was worried you’d back off if you remembered who you were with.”
Xander sighed, then gathered himself and pulled Spike against him. “Come here.” After Spike relaxed, Xander stood and pulled him back to the bedroom. “Listen, we might not be in love, or have had a conventional start, but I think we can make this work for us.” Spike was staring around the room, soft music playing and an incense stick burning. The bedding was drawn back in invitation. “I know we’re kind of working backwards, starting with the marriage and then the kinky sex. I thought maybe…love making should come next? And then the rest can just kind of fall into place? The…flirting and friendship stuff.”
Spike looked at Xander. This was a surprise. But a good one. He knew he was already falling for the boy, had been for a couple of weeks now, and this gesture… It made his dead heart swell.
“Yeah, okay. I think that would be good.” And then they were sharing a soft kiss before tumbling to the mattress.
~~
“Kinks?” Xander, of course, knew what Spike meant, or what he should have meant, but his hyped up mind could only jump to one conclusion. “What sort of kinks? Spike, I’m not okay with kinks.”
Spike looked up at him, bewildered, and then caught on and sighed, dropping his head back onto the pillows. “The problems, Harris. The routine and arrangements and bloody whatnot. Don’t go gettin’ too far ahead of yourself there.”
Xander glared from his position on the floor, but didn’t say anything else.
“Are you getting up here or sleeping down there?” Xander didn’t move. “Oh, bloody hell. Harris! Get your arse up here and go to sleep; I will not be getting yelled at for not taking care of you.” Xander finally stood, his hands balling and his face turning red.
“‘Taking care of’? Spike, I don’t need ‘taking care of’! I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself!”
“So do it! You’ve done nothing but wallow since this afternoon. I can’t change what happened, and neither can you or anyone else. So grow a pair and deal with it. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly ecstatic over the turn of events!” Xander crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. Spike stood up and started tearing back the bedcovers, grumbling under his breath. “Tied for the rest of my bloody unlife to a fucking ungrateful brat of a white hat.”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“No. I don’t have to. I’ll bitch and moan all I want, because this,” he gestured wildly with his hand between them, “sucks. I don’t want to be here any more than you do, but we don’t have a choice. Now either at least pretend to suck it up, or go back to your corner and be quiet about it, because I’m sick of sitting and glaring.”
“But-”
“No fucking ‘buts’!” Spike pulled off his shirt, and reached for the fly of his jeans. “I’m getting into bed and going to sleep so I can blissfully forget that I’m fucking hitched to Xander Fucking Harris for a few hours!” The vampire was shouting now, and threw himself into the bed, leaving Xander blinking at him.
“You know, this isn’t what I imagined my life would be like. Growing up, even after I knew about stuff, I still always thought I’d marry a nice girl and have some kids.”
“Well, too bad. You’ve got me, and not a bleeding chance of kids.”
“I got that, thanks.”
“Harris, shut up.” Sighing, Xander undressed and joined Spike in the bed in his boxers.
~~
The next month was a strange and awkward experience. A routine fell around them, of Xander going to work and Spike sleeping during the majority of the days, and the two eating and then joining the others on patrol in the evenings. Spike would see Xander home, then go back out on his own while the human slept, and things would start again the next morning.
Weekends were a little different, because Xander didn’t work, but they still managed to avoid unnecessary communication and all possible contact. However, they both knew it couldn’t last forever.
Xander came home one Saturday evening after dinner with the girls to find Spike sitting on the couch with a beer, staring at the television. While not unusual, it was odd, because the appliance was turned off.
“Uh, you okay?” Xander ventured uncertainly as he hung up his jacket. Spike blinked and looked up.
“What are you doing home already?”
Xander raised an eyebrow. “Told you I’d be back by eight.”
“But it’s only…” Spike trailed off, seeing the clock in the kitchen behind Xander. It was actually a quarter after eight. “Oh.” Xander’s eyebrows came together in reluctant concern.
“Are you okay?” he repeated.
“Not really. Sat down four hours ago. Didn’t even notice.”
“What… What’s wrong?”
Spike let out a huff of air through his nose that Xander translated as an un-amused laugh. “What isn’t wrong, Harris?” Xander opened his mouth, hoping an intelligent answer would come out, but Spike kept talking. “My entire existence has been one train wreck after another and, really, the phone call I got today was just the icing on my shit-cake.”
“Who called?”
“Who do you think?” Xander’s eyes went to the tiled floor he was standing on and he nodded his understanding.
“What did they want?”
Spike released another huff, then took a long draw on his beer. “They said they know…they know we haven’t…and we need to…or else…”
“Spike, you’re not using complete sentences, so it’s really hard to translate from crazy-vamp into English. Harder than usual.”
Spike looked up into Xander’s face.
“They know we’ve not done it, and if we don’t consummate the marriage, they’ll be along to carve something precious from each of us.”
Xander felt all of his blood drain to his feet in an attempt to exit his body en masse, and grabbed the counter beside him to keep from falling. His eyes were closed to concentrate on not puking at the thought of what they might do, and he didn’t notice the small flinch of Spike’s frame.
“Did they say… I mean, what’s it going to take? Does it have to be full sex, or would something less satisfy them?”
“I don’t know,” Spike said, not looking up at him.
“Fuck.” Xander rubbed at his face, then sighed. “How soon?” Spike was staring avidly into his beer.
“Soon as possible.” Xander sighed.
“Alright. I… Let me go take a shower. You wanna get the room ready?”
Spike looked up. “You want to use the bed? Or would you rather do it somewhere else?”
“Spike, no matter where we do it, we’ll be faced with the spot every day.”
“Right.”
Xander turned and walked to the bathroom, planning on a short visit between his hand and his cock, which had been the only action he’d been getting since he and Anya broke it off a year ago. He wanted to be ready to just go when he got out, but he also knew it wouldn’t take long once they started, because this was another body that would be pressing against him.
As he stepped under the spray, he realized they hadn’t discussed who would do what. Xander had never… Spike might have, but probably not with a human. That would probably be degrading or something for a Master vampire, right?
Xander shuddered thinking about what Spike might want him to do. He didn’t think he could play the girl’s part, but really didn’t want to get into a fight with Spike about it. Sighing, he pushed it aside, drawing up images to get himself hard as he washed.
~~
When he exited the bathroom, towel around his hips poorly hiding his erection, he was accosted by a shirtless Spike. Xander jerked in surprise as a black piece of silk was tied around his eyes. “Spike? What the hell?”
“Shh…” Lips were just touching his earlobe, a voice softly hissing in his ear. “So who were you thinking about in there, hmm? The witches, maybe? Or Buffy?”
Swallowing, Xander answered, “A-Anya. And Tara.” He felt something brush his cheek lightly, not knowing it was Spike’s eyelashes as he closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing that. Then Spike took Xander’s hand and led him through the apartment. Xander felt he should know where Spike was taking him, but he felt disoriented from the blindfold. “Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about that, pet,” Spike whispered, and Xander straightened at the pet name. Spike never called him pet. Or any of the other names he used for the girls, like luv or ducks. He was always Harris or some less-than-affectionate insult. He shivered when Spike kissed his neck. “I promise this will be good.”
Xander nodded, letting himself be led, and then gasped in surprise when he was pushed into a soft chair. He heard Spike step away for a moment, and took in the scents. There was incense, and vanilla that had to be coming from candles. “Spike?”
“Hush, pet.” Xander was shocked when a chocolate-dipped strawberry was pressed into his mouth. “Tonight, I’m whoever you want, okay?” Xander didn’t know how to respond to that, but didn’t have a chance as chapped lips pressed against his own, gently working them open.
A cool tongue made its way into his mouth, touching timidly at the roof and his cheeks. He had expected to taste blood, beer, and cigarettes, but what he received was an explosion of mint and citrus. Spike must have brushed before starting all this, and then Xander was flushing bright red because he hadn’t thought to do the same. Hopefully the chocolate and fruit he’d been fed would cover anything unpleasant.
Just as Xander thought he was going to die from a lack of oxygen, the mouth pulled back, and cool, nimble fingers were trailing his abdomen. Those lips fell upon his nipples, lapping and sucking at one and then the other while the hands slid down to the towel, massaging him through it.
Xander moaned, lifting his hips up a little, wanting more. The terrycloth was pulled away, and he whined when the mouth left his chest, but nearly screamed as it engulfed his cock in one easy sweep, from tip to base.
Spike swallowed around him, his hands holding him firmly in place by the hips. His tongue wrapped around him and tugged, then lapped with strong presses. He pulled back, sucking on the head and rubbing the rest of the length.
Xander had no idea how long this went on. Spike gripped tightly both times Xander was about to cum, stopping him cold. Xander was whining and shifting in his seat when Spike finally backed off.
Xander had tried to take off the blindfold, wanting to watch himself disappear into that mouth, to remember what shade of pink the lips were, to see the look in Spike’s face, because he must have been enjoying himself; nobody could give head like that without liking it. But Spike had stopped him, telling him not to touch it, and repeated his claim that he was whomever Xander wanted.
Xander really should have said something that time, but Spike had been rubbing the whole time and went right back to swallowing as soon as the words passed his lips.
Xander was panting now and reached out for Spike, but didn’t touch him. “Wha? Where’d you go?” Then he felt fingers on his neck.
“Right here, pet,” Spike said in that quiet, husky, light voice he’d been using all night. Then Xander heard him unzip his jeans.
He shivered when he heard the heavy material hit the ground. Xander reached over, grabbing the vampire by a hip and pulled him part way around the chair. He trailed his fingers over the curve of Spike’s ass and let them slide between the cheeks, surprised to find Spike was already wet and ready. He started to stand, but Spike pushed him down by the shoulders.
“Shh… Just relax, pet.” How was he supposed to relax when he had a wet and ready Spike waiting for him? “Let me.” And then Spike was sinking onto him. Xander moaned at the feeling of the slightly cool, extremely tight channel stretching around him. One hand slid down to feel the taut skin, and Xander had to grab himself that time to keep from exploding too early.
Spike made a few small sounds, but relaxed around him. Then he started moving, raising and lowering himself. Xander’s eyes rolled back and he dropped his head on the top of the chair. “Oh God,” he groaned. He reached out to pull Spike in for another kiss, because the other one had been great, but was concerned to realize Spike was facing away from him. Was that an easier position? Maybe. Xander had no experience and so no idea, but he really wanted to taste that mouth again.
He wrapped his arms around Spike’s stomach and pulled him back, kissing up his neck, then his jaw, and finally finding his lips. Spike made a few sounds when he was moved, and his rhythm changed. The different position came with a new angle. Xander wondered which felt better, but he wasn’t going to waste his breath to ask when he could be plundering that mouth.
Spike was using his hands on the arms of the chair and his feet on the floor to move, grinding down into Xander’s lap and moaning with every pass. Xander felt himself drawing tight and knew he was close. Wanting to be sure Spike wasn’t left behind, Xander’s hands drifted down, searching out his cock. However, Spike grabbed them before they could find it and trapped them under his own on the chair as he increased his tempo.
Small, whimpering sounds were escaping Spike’s throat now. Xander was grunting and growling softly. Finally, Xander couldn’t hold back any longer, and he came hard and long deep inside of Spike. Just as he started, Spike tensed and tightened, breaking his lips free and gasping as they both shot out string after string.
After a long, quiet moment, Spike stood and pulled Xander up, leading him back to the bedroom. Leaving the room, Spike murmured that he could take off the blindfold now, and then took off to the shower.
Xander removed the fabric and blinked at the light. What the hell was that? Shrugging, Xander got dressed and went to the living room to watch television. He noted that there was no scent of candles, incense, or sex in the room, and he hadn’t recognized the feel of the chair. There was only one room in the apartment Xander didn’t know well, and that was Spike’s private space. They each had a room just for them to escape to if needed, but that Spike would take him in there… Xander was drawn again to the confusion of Spike’s attitude tonight.
~~
When Spike left the shower, Xander looked at him from the couch. Spike averted his eyes and went to the kitchen to heat up some blood. He stood in front of the microwave, watching the mug turn circles. When it was done, he stayed there, drinking it. Xander sighed, deciding that Spike wasn’t going to come out to the couch, and walked into the kitchen as he started a second mug.
“Hey.”
Spike didn’t answer except to glance up at him and then back to the microwave. Xander couldn’t comprehend why Spike was acting like this. It was like he was afraid of something. That Xander would feel forced? Well, the whole situation was forced upon them, but that one act was needed to ensure their safety. Maybe he was embarrassed about it? That was possible, Xander knew he was, but not to the point of wanting to hide away. Honestly, that had been the best experience they had had together since getting married. Actually, since meeting, but that was nitpicking.
“Spike, what…” He stopped talking as Spike shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it. We’re good now.”
Xander’s face contracted in confusion. “Well maybe I want to worry about it. What was that all about? I mean, I know we had to, but I’m wondering about the blindfold and the candles.”
Spike shrugged. “Thought a blindfold would be easier; not lookin’ at each other, might not degenerate into an argument.”
“Spike, why did you…” Xander didn’t know how to ask what he wanted to know. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. When the timer rang, Xander stole the blood and went to the couch. Spike followed, wanting his dinner. “Talk to me, okay? Because I feel like I missed something somewhere.” Spike sipped at his mug. “I came home, and you looked like somebody had died. Then you said we had to have sex, and I took a shower. When I came out, you were…it was weird. Good, but weird. And now you’re all clammed up and I don’t know if you’re scared or embarrassed or what, but it’s freaking me out. So could you please explain what is going on in there?”
Spike sighed. “I don’t want to-”
“You know what? Too bad. Because I think you need to. Something is wrong, and you’re my husband, as weird as that is, and I want you to tell me what’s going on.”
Spike’s eyes closed and he took a moment to gather himself together. “Fine. Let’s back up to when you walked in. Recall me saying something about my shit-cake of a life?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, you wanna hear me bitch out the long version or the summarization?”
“Whatever you want.”
Spike did the semi-laugh again and shook his head. “I’m gonna take the short one, because what you really want to know is what’s bothering me now, and reciting a hundred-plus years of shit first won’t help much. Basically, as a human I was nothing and no one. As a vampire, I was king of the world, but still not enough for Dru or Angelus. Then the chip, and I was less than nothing, but I couldn’t just die. And after that, there was domestication and caring and love and getting torn to pieces again.” Xander nodded. “But now I’m even worse off!” Spike’s voice was rising a bit. “I was forced into a relationship that wasn’t wanted, and am stuck in a loveless marriage, and it feels like there are fucking needles stabbing into me every time I’m reminded that there are and never will be any good emotions attached to this situation. And then they called, saying I had to get you to sleep with me, even though it’s pretty obvious that you could hardly hold down your dinner at the thought of it! And now things are more awkward, and I just wish…” Spike didn’t finish his sentence, but kicked the coffee table in front of them.
Xander sat for a long moment, just absorbing what Spike had said. He reached out to touch the vampire, but he jerked away and to his feet.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna go out.” And before Xander could say anything else, he was gone.
~~
Xander heard Spike come in early the next morning, due to his drunken fumbling, and wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that Spike dropped himself on the couch and slept there rather than come to bed. He couldn’t sleep then, but lay in bed, making plans for that night. Because he had to do something.
~~
Having called the girls to tell them not to call unless imminent apocalypse was confirmed, eaten, showered, and brushed his teeth, Xander was set. He heated some blood and woke Spike.
“Good morning,” he said, holding out the mug. Spike blinked. “Well, I suppose it’s mid-afternoon, but whatever.” Spike reached out and took the blood. He drank it quickly, hoping it would help with the headache associated with a hangover, and then looked back at Xander.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just… Okay, I was thinking about the stuff you said last night, about us, and I came to a conclusion.”
Spike groaned. “Damnit Harris, I told you to forget about it.”
“Actually, you said not to worry about it, but it didn’t really work. Look, you’re right about us being forced into this unwanted marriage and there’s nothing we can do about it, but the least we can do is get along. Spike, we need to communicate, to be able to talk and sort things out. I know I’m channeling a little bit of the female half of the population, but if we don’t work at this, we are going to be miserable for forever.” Spike half-nodded in concession. “I don’t know where you got the notion that the thought of having sex with you made me sick, Spike. Would you tell me?”
“It was written on your face, Harris. The second I told you, you went pale and nearly keeled over.”
“Oh. That wasn’t about the sex. That was about the potential body-mutilation.” Spike looked subdued, but a little better. Xander wasn’t stupid, he knew Spike was damn attractive, and he had received more than enough offers from Spike before all this to know the vampire had no problem with being physical with him, so the thought that Spike was insecure about Xander even wanting him like that hadn’t occurred to him. He had assumed Spike was confident enough in his own looks to be sure about it.
“You warmed up in the shower, like you didn’t think I could…” Spike trailed off, possibly embarrassed, not by the sexual nature of their conversation, but the emotional grounding of it.
“Okay. I…didn’t know. I’d never been with a guy, and I just wanted it to be quick, I guess. Because I was nervous.” Spike sat silently for a few minutes. “So the blindfold and saying you were whoever I wanted?”
“That was… I just wanted to help you keep it up, I guess. I was worried you’d back off if you remembered who you were with.”
Xander sighed, then gathered himself and pulled Spike against him. “Come here.” After Spike relaxed, Xander stood and pulled him back to the bedroom. “Listen, we might not be in love, or have had a conventional start, but I think we can make this work for us.” Spike was staring around the room, soft music playing and an incense stick burning. The bedding was drawn back in invitation. “I know we’re kind of working backwards, starting with the marriage and then the kinky sex. I thought maybe…love making should come next? And then the rest can just kind of fall into place? The…flirting and friendship stuff.”
Spike looked at Xander. This was a surprise. But a good one. He knew he was already falling for the boy, had been for a couple of weeks now, and this gesture… It made his dead heart swell.
“Yeah, okay. I think that would be good.” And then they were sharing a soft kiss before tumbling to the mattress.
~~