*i like the way it feels when you touch my hand
hmm..what to say what to say.
well. nothing TOO exciteing has happend. just a normal monday. i hung out with starch and then matt as usuall....those kids are guna get sick of me pretty soon. hmm Tanner and i are talkin on the comp..."Tanner" hmm. feels weird to call him that. but then when i call him matt its like.. um lol. well uh umm haha i duno where im going with this... sooo.... anyway...AWW i'm talkin to Steven (the one form arizona) and its his birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN!! :D but yea and he asked me when my birthday was and i asked him why..not in a mean way and he's like i'm guna put it on my calandar awww YAY!!.. family is so awesome. and then i go thanks for being so nice to me..and he goes :"oh its easy when you have a cool person to be nice to" awww YAY hehe. <~ ok i realize i just said "aww yay" twice already.. but it was just sweet of him and put me in a good mood. oh and matt's been doin that alot as well. hes so adorable and always tryin to make me smile. i'm so lucky to have him.
awww yay, john L has been nice to me lately...makes my heart smile. i used to think he hated me... i think he does that to everyone.. like if you can survive him at first then he welcomes you. and its cool. but horray we (matt and i) got to sit with them this morning.. i mean they would have ALWAYS let us sit with them.. i just sat at the other table cuz i didnt want to take up much room...but anyway. yea.
like an hour or so ago i got back from open gym with the St.Abrose Kings.. EssEss is on that squad and shes my best friend.. beth says i CANT cheer for anyone but GC.. but i asked the lady at open gym and she said if i talked to Deacon Tom and he lets me he just needs to sign a release thing and she'll show that to like the judges or lol i dont know the CYO people. so yea.. i CAN cheer for them, thanks.
it just felt kinda wierd cheering for someone else. i dont know why.. its just the gym, i duno, like it made me feel not welcomed.. it reminded me of ohwannas sp? but yea.. i was forced to go there when i was little to learn about God and stuff just b/c sara and eve did.. i didnt want to. it scared me. it wasnt even my church. but yea. we went over a few cheers and jumps and all that. i dont know they girls there just didnt seem to like me.. i know it was only the first day but when you have a feeling you cant just forget about it. your not made to do that. i didnt get like anything. it made me feel wicked dumb. but oh well.. lisa actually took the time to help me..and this girls back was killing her.. like she cant even stand and shes there going over the steps and moves with me like 20 times. why cant everyone be that considerate? uhh what ever cheering is cheering and i love it. and "cheer for GC or dont cheer at all" doesnt really fly by me.. i mean i WANT to .. but i wont. there will NEVER be enough girls to keep seabiscuit off the squad.. and i mean most of them are 8th graders and although i adore them, i wont do that either. i'm a senior and i'm 17. thats not fair to stick me with little people or people i dont like for my last year. but what ever. ahhh.. what ever. senior year sucks. other people think they can tell me what to do and rule my life.. for once i just want to be alone and let myself do what i want. i wanna do something for jenn.. not for everyone else.
i love how i have someplace i can go to vent like i was tellin this one kid, i love this journal. it helps alot to just uhh i duno let go of alot of bad feelings.
i just need to be alone like.. i duno. a night just with me and no computer.. just some me time. noone else so i have time to think some things thru and get my thoughts together.. uhh.. being young, in love, and with all these things like school, friends, birthdays, cheering, jobs, and a car on my shoulders i feel like i'm guna collapse.. its so yucky. i cant handle all of it at once. oh well. i'm guna try for that alone time sometime this week...maybe wednesday. who knows. blahhh
theres feelings i have had lately that i wish i haddent.. like i'm tryin to be friends with people i've let go of in the past.. and i mean theres REASONS why they are my past.. and i dont know.. i'm just not feeling myself lately. its sad. hmm blah
im done.
<3 Jay Bee
well. nothing TOO exciteing has happend. just a normal monday. i hung out with starch and then matt as usuall....those kids are guna get sick of me pretty soon. hmm Tanner and i are talkin on the comp..."Tanner" hmm. feels weird to call him that. but then when i call him matt its like.. um lol. well uh umm haha i duno where im going with this... sooo.... anyway...AWW i'm talkin to Steven (the one form arizona) and its his birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN!! :D but yea and he asked me when my birthday was and i asked him why..not in a mean way and he's like i'm guna put it on my calandar awww YAY!!.. family is so awesome. and then i go thanks for being so nice to me..and he goes :"oh its easy when you have a cool person to be nice to" awww YAY hehe. <~ ok i realize i just said "aww yay" twice already.. but it was just sweet of him and put me in a good mood. oh and matt's been doin that alot as well. hes so adorable and always tryin to make me smile. i'm so lucky to have him.
awww yay, john L has been nice to me lately...makes my heart smile. i used to think he hated me... i think he does that to everyone.. like if you can survive him at first then he welcomes you. and its cool. but horray we (matt and i) got to sit with them this morning.. i mean they would have ALWAYS let us sit with them.. i just sat at the other table cuz i didnt want to take up much room...but anyway. yea.
like an hour or so ago i got back from open gym with the St.Abrose Kings.. EssEss is on that squad and shes my best friend.. beth says i CANT cheer for anyone but GC.. but i asked the lady at open gym and she said if i talked to Deacon Tom and he lets me he just needs to sign a release thing and she'll show that to like the judges or lol i dont know the CYO people. so yea.. i CAN cheer for them, thanks.
it just felt kinda wierd cheering for someone else. i dont know why.. its just the gym, i duno, like it made me feel not welcomed.. it reminded me of ohwannas sp? but yea.. i was forced to go there when i was little to learn about God and stuff just b/c sara and eve did.. i didnt want to. it scared me. it wasnt even my church. but yea. we went over a few cheers and jumps and all that. i dont know they girls there just didnt seem to like me.. i know it was only the first day but when you have a feeling you cant just forget about it. your not made to do that. i didnt get like anything. it made me feel wicked dumb. but oh well.. lisa actually took the time to help me..and this girls back was killing her.. like she cant even stand and shes there going over the steps and moves with me like 20 times. why cant everyone be that considerate? uhh what ever cheering is cheering and i love it. and "cheer for GC or dont cheer at all" doesnt really fly by me.. i mean i WANT to .. but i wont. there will NEVER be enough girls to keep seabiscuit off the squad.. and i mean most of them are 8th graders and although i adore them, i wont do that either. i'm a senior and i'm 17. thats not fair to stick me with little people or people i dont like for my last year. but what ever. ahhh.. what ever. senior year sucks. other people think they can tell me what to do and rule my life.. for once i just want to be alone and let myself do what i want. i wanna do something for jenn.. not for everyone else.
i love how i have someplace i can go to vent like i was tellin this one kid, i love this journal. it helps alot to just uhh i duno let go of alot of bad feelings.
i just need to be alone like.. i duno. a night just with me and no computer.. just some me time. noone else so i have time to think some things thru and get my thoughts together.. uhh.. being young, in love, and with all these things like school, friends, birthdays, cheering, jobs, and a car on my shoulders i feel like i'm guna collapse.. its so yucky. i cant handle all of it at once. oh well. i'm guna try for that alone time sometime this week...maybe wednesday. who knows. blahhh
theres feelings i have had lately that i wish i haddent.. like i'm tryin to be friends with people i've let go of in the past.. and i mean theres REASONS why they are my past.. and i dont know.. i'm just not feeling myself lately. its sad. hmm blah
im done.
<3 Jay Bee