(no subject)
I really wish I could just be happy for myself and everything that I have, instead of harping on what I don't have. I just always thought that things would get better... in this one non-existent aspect of my life. I dream about it. I agonize over it. I always have and nothing ever changes. But, what has me so down at the moment is that I thought it was changing FINALLY... but I was wrong. It remains the same as ever and that has knocked out the little remaining confidence and self esteem I had left inside. I feel like I've been hit repeatedly in the stomach with a baseball bat and now all I can do is listen to showtunes and write on my LJ. How very high school... but, how very therapeutic.
I find that it's beyond the point where I can even cry now. I've been trying to get one. I've watched Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Love Actually but no tears. So, that's it. The well is drying up and crusting over into cynicisim and doubt. I can only hope that I'll find peace with that part of my life before 30. After that... well, crazy cat lady is inevitable.
*sigh*
I find that it's beyond the point where I can even cry now. I've been trying to get one. I've watched Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Love Actually but no tears. So, that's it. The well is drying up and crusting over into cynicisim and doubt. I can only hope that I'll find peace with that part of my life before 30. After that... well, crazy cat lady is inevitable.
*sigh*