A new beginning
So now camp is officially over. I already posted once about what it meant to me...but I want to elaborate a bit more. Camp taught me a lot about my self, I was forced to be responsible. Not just for myself, but for others. I had to learn to discipline, which meant caring more about how the girls were behaving than about how much they like me. I like to be liked, whether with kids or adults, so this was especially hard. But you know what? I would discipline kids, I would sometimes even punish some for breaking rules - and they still liked me! It made me realize to be liked doesn't mean you have to be a push over, you won't get any respect that way.
I also drove a huge suburban full of kids several times this summer on windy one lane hilly roads. Many people know that I don't like to drive, it makes me nervous, but I overcame that and felt so empowered to drive those monsters! I also climbed a Giant's Ladder and vaulted on a horse, all things that initially scared me.
I hope that I keep what I've learned from camp and start being a better person. I have a lot of shortcomings, and I want to start working on overcoming them. Like being better with communication, not being afraid to be honest with my friends, and start doing more than playing around. I mean, play is good and fun, but it has its own time, I need to start finding things that I am passionate about and doing something for them.
Sometimes I feel like people are attracted to me because I am a burst of energy, vivacious and full of life in ways, but the more they get to know me the more they realize I have little substance beneath that. They see my flaws and realize I'm only someone to hang out with on occasion, not someone to trust to do things. Even at camp I worried that my Unit Leaders would be disappointed in my work performance after they requested me. I have to keep on trying to better myself in every way. Not for anyone else's approval necessarily, but for myself - and to be more like Jesus.
People might read that last line and think it's cheesy, but to me, it's real. It's an actual goal that I want to achieve and need to start seriously working toward.
So now I'm home in San Jose, for good? At least for an indefinite amount of time. It's kind of nice, but scary as well. I have little money and no job lined up right now, I need to start being a real world adult. Sometimes I don't know if I'm ready for that, but again, this summer taught me I can be an adult, and I can keep some childlike wonder with me as I do it.
I also drove a huge suburban full of kids several times this summer on windy one lane hilly roads. Many people know that I don't like to drive, it makes me nervous, but I overcame that and felt so empowered to drive those monsters! I also climbed a Giant's Ladder and vaulted on a horse, all things that initially scared me.
I hope that I keep what I've learned from camp and start being a better person. I have a lot of shortcomings, and I want to start working on overcoming them. Like being better with communication, not being afraid to be honest with my friends, and start doing more than playing around. I mean, play is good and fun, but it has its own time, I need to start finding things that I am passionate about and doing something for them.
Sometimes I feel like people are attracted to me because I am a burst of energy, vivacious and full of life in ways, but the more they get to know me the more they realize I have little substance beneath that. They see my flaws and realize I'm only someone to hang out with on occasion, not someone to trust to do things. Even at camp I worried that my Unit Leaders would be disappointed in my work performance after they requested me. I have to keep on trying to better myself in every way. Not for anyone else's approval necessarily, but for myself - and to be more like Jesus.
People might read that last line and think it's cheesy, but to me, it's real. It's an actual goal that I want to achieve and need to start seriously working toward.
So now I'm home in San Jose, for good? At least for an indefinite amount of time. It's kind of nice, but scary as well. I have little money and no job lined up right now, I need to start being a real world adult. Sometimes I don't know if I'm ready for that, but again, this summer taught me I can be an adult, and I can keep some childlike wonder with me as I do it.