Once upon a midnight dreary...
Today, I was thinking about phrases that are funny sounding but could never be used in real life. For example, the phrase "I'm gonna rape you silly" popped into my head. Nobody in their right mind would say that. It's quite inappropriate -- and quite illegal, but everytime I think about it now I just start laughing. Maybe it's just me.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if poets from back in the day lived in today's world? They would definitely be rappers. I basically think this would be the greatest thing in the world. How cool would it be to see Dickinson and Frost in a rap battle? Or Billy Shakespeare laying down a phat beat?
Well anyways, to honor this thought, I'm going to release a remix of The Raven that I composed a while ago that I believe captures the essence of what being Edgar Allen Poe would be like in today's hippity-hop world. Without furthur ado....
The Prositute (Raven remix) - E. Poe featuring Vanilla Ice and Sisqo
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I watched porn, weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious volume of Paris Hilton tapes
While I spoke fast, nearly rapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently knocking, knocking on my hotel door.
"Tis some prositute," I muttered, "knocking at my hotel door;
Only this, and nothing more."
(Vanilla Ice)
Ah distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak recording studio;
And each seperate bowl of crack was lying there upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow, - vainly I had sought to borrow
Music from a band far better than I should ever hope to be
But sadly it was all for naught, indistinguishable -
Nameless here forever more
(Sisqo)
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each discarded thong
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic feeling never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"Let me seeee that thooong. Girl I know you wanna show
That thong th thong thong thong."
(applause)
Now you might ask, why in the world would a man as great as Edgar Allen Poe work with such musicians as Vanilla Ice and Sisqo? Well, the answer is quite simple. The man was a drunk. He fucked his thirteen year old cousin, and then got all teary-eyed and depressed when she up and died on him. He commemorated her by writing the most depressing poem on the planet -- "Annabel Lee". Now, do you really think that if he goes into modern times he's going to get a better posse than Vanilla Ice and Sisqo? Me neither.
4-09-06.