Pure Boredom/ Weirdness
Man rises from dead in two days, shatters previous record
Diego San Rodrigo de Chalupa de San Juan el Valiente, a Mexican bum, has apparently broken the record for fastest time rising from the dead. The previous record, held by a Jewish carpenter named Jesus, was three days. Valiente's cardboard box has become somewhat of a hotspot in Mexico, with thousands of religious people gathering near the delapidated HoboHome. He has come out only to offer scarce words of wisdom, attributing his success to "not drinking the water" and also to "prayer to Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Lady of Guadalajara, Our Lady of Yucatan, and various other ladies of various other Mexican villages." However, God is ruling that "it doesn't count," so Valiente is reportedly crucifying himself next week in an attempt to validate the broken record.