so Ive decided...
hmmm.
yeah.
I think.. I need to let hannah go.
Ive been thinking about it all week, & ive talked about it with a lot of different people.
I kind of realized that... I care about her. a lot. like, I treat her as if she were my girlfriend. thats bad. she's not my girlfriend. she doesn't owe me anything, including the time of the day. but I get really upset when she doesnt give me what I want. haha that sounds so immature; maybe I am. Maybe I'm just still used to Annie, who always put others before herself, and would always listen to me when I had a problem and tried to help me out of it. I was obviously having major problems this week and hannah was more interested in telling me that my problems have nothing to do with her. I got pissed, but really, she's right. She has her own problems. I usually try to help her, but this week I had my own problems, so we were both basically yelling at but not listening to each other.
And thats why I've decided that this isn't what I want. Hannah is more worried about regaining stability and getting over her ex. Her problems are all inwardly focused. I'm the guy that can help her with that goal. I doubt she sees me as someone special in my own right. maybe someone relatable, maybe someone who can keep her company and can get her back, maybe someone with potential, but not someone she would be interested in if she didnt have any problems.
Thats unfair to me, to go through all of these ups and downs with her, just so she can get back on her feet and move on. Thats not what I want.
Every time I ask her about her feelings about me, she always says "I dont know." She tells me she cant give me a straight answer. But its been long enough. I dont expect her to have a lot of feelings for me because she's still numb from her previous boyfriend. But I do expect her to be able to make some form of commitment if she thinks Im worth it. She can decide how valuable I am to her, but she wont.
So I look towards her actions for some answers, and they're even more confusing. She'll do something that screams "I really want you to stick around", and the very next day she'll do something that says "...eh, I really dont care." She expects me to just ignore her apathetic moments, like she has an excuse. even if she does have a good reason for being apathetic, its not fair to jerk me around on a chain.
I really wish things would work out and I really wish I could wait around on her for longer. but she cant even give me the reassurance that she wont go from "loving" to "apathetic" in 1 day flat, and thats below the bare minimum that an insecure person like me needs.
I just need to protect myself before I get so far into this that I wont be able to crawl back out.
Sorry.
yeah.
I think.. I need to let hannah go.
Ive been thinking about it all week, & ive talked about it with a lot of different people.
I kind of realized that... I care about her. a lot. like, I treat her as if she were my girlfriend. thats bad. she's not my girlfriend. she doesn't owe me anything, including the time of the day. but I get really upset when she doesnt give me what I want. haha that sounds so immature; maybe I am. Maybe I'm just still used to Annie, who always put others before herself, and would always listen to me when I had a problem and tried to help me out of it. I was obviously having major problems this week and hannah was more interested in telling me that my problems have nothing to do with her. I got pissed, but really, she's right. She has her own problems. I usually try to help her, but this week I had my own problems, so we were both basically yelling at but not listening to each other.
And thats why I've decided that this isn't what I want. Hannah is more worried about regaining stability and getting over her ex. Her problems are all inwardly focused. I'm the guy that can help her with that goal. I doubt she sees me as someone special in my own right. maybe someone relatable, maybe someone who can keep her company and can get her back, maybe someone with potential, but not someone she would be interested in if she didnt have any problems.
Thats unfair to me, to go through all of these ups and downs with her, just so she can get back on her feet and move on. Thats not what I want.
Every time I ask her about her feelings about me, she always says "I dont know." She tells me she cant give me a straight answer. But its been long enough. I dont expect her to have a lot of feelings for me because she's still numb from her previous boyfriend. But I do expect her to be able to make some form of commitment if she thinks Im worth it. She can decide how valuable I am to her, but she wont.
So I look towards her actions for some answers, and they're even more confusing. She'll do something that screams "I really want you to stick around", and the very next day she'll do something that says "...eh, I really dont care." She expects me to just ignore her apathetic moments, like she has an excuse. even if she does have a good reason for being apathetic, its not fair to jerk me around on a chain.
I really wish things would work out and I really wish I could wait around on her for longer. but she cant even give me the reassurance that she wont go from "loving" to "apathetic" in 1 day flat, and thats below the bare minimum that an insecure person like me needs.
I just need to protect myself before I get so far into this that I wont be able to crawl back out.
Sorry.