i dont care forever
theres some things i just cant get, theres some things, ok maybe a lot of things i dont understand, but it pisses me off when things that are simple are just.... ARGH! eh i dont even know what im talking about anymore! well i started off in a good mood today up until i was notified about something very shady going on. i can understand exactly why i wasnt invited to the wedding, there are numorous reasons why, but you didnt invite the person who helped you move awhile back, and he was prolly one of your first friends in high school! thats just fuckin wrong man....
as far as im concerned, i dont really give a shit about anything anymore. i live my life day by day trying to last on $20 a week, that i get from my dad, i dont go to school anymore (and that has nothing to do with video games!), i dont have a job, i only see friends a couple times a week, i barely have any friends as a matter of fact, everyday i always feel left out, like the world is passing me by and ive hit a roadblock and cant go anywhere, the feeling has only grown because of the fact that ive never had a girlfriend (although ive never been one to think of "having" a girlfriend a nessecity like some kind of rare collectible), and because of the fact that, well my mom left my dad and she now lives in texas working there alone. they arent officially separated but they are physically. but who am i in this big world? just another being with no real purpose in this world, no direction, no guides, i have nothing.
it used to be that drama happens around me, never bothering me, me being a watcher. but then it goes and shoves its foot up my ass. what did i ever do to derserve this? plenty of reasons. this is why i dont get too close to people, because in the end its never worth it, the juice is never worth the squeeze. how many people in my life have i ever kept in touch with over the past almost 20 years? very very few. when i was a kid i used to play with some kids across the street from my house, now, they all still live there and so do i, however we never hang out anymore like we used to, we dont even stop to have a simple conversation. what happened to us? absolutely nothing, i never did anything that would cause something like that from happening excluding the most recent happening... what the hell is wrong with me? even now, how many people do i still keep in touch with? i have an AIM buddy list of about 60 people, and i only talk to like 4 of them at most. all the people ive met have all gone forgetting about me and not even thinking about getting together.
now i think officially i can say that the group compiling of about 10-15 people who used to all hang out by the concrete wall at lunch time have all but dissolved. no one hangs out with each other any more except for at most 1 person from the original group. its all a pity really, we've all been friends for 4-5+ years. its sad... very sad.....
i dont really care about anything anymore, nor do i care about anyone, as soon as i get a chance to, im going to move in with my mom in texas, theres almost nothing left for me here. i need a clean slate, i need to start over, i need to. because no one except my mom cares for me......
don't ever forget, because i'll never forget you all
i wont be posting for a long time this is my final entry for awhile. if you want to find me, there has to be at least one person out there with my cell # besides me.
btw, i know it all sounds suicidal, but im not, dont worry about that.
as far as im concerned, i dont really give a shit about anything anymore. i live my life day by day trying to last on $20 a week, that i get from my dad, i dont go to school anymore (and that has nothing to do with video games!), i dont have a job, i only see friends a couple times a week, i barely have any friends as a matter of fact, everyday i always feel left out, like the world is passing me by and ive hit a roadblock and cant go anywhere, the feeling has only grown because of the fact that ive never had a girlfriend (although ive never been one to think of "having" a girlfriend a nessecity like some kind of rare collectible), and because of the fact that, well my mom left my dad and she now lives in texas working there alone. they arent officially separated but they are physically. but who am i in this big world? just another being with no real purpose in this world, no direction, no guides, i have nothing.
it used to be that drama happens around me, never bothering me, me being a watcher. but then it goes and shoves its foot up my ass. what did i ever do to derserve this? plenty of reasons. this is why i dont get too close to people, because in the end its never worth it, the juice is never worth the squeeze. how many people in my life have i ever kept in touch with over the past almost 20 years? very very few. when i was a kid i used to play with some kids across the street from my house, now, they all still live there and so do i, however we never hang out anymore like we used to, we dont even stop to have a simple conversation. what happened to us? absolutely nothing, i never did anything that would cause something like that from happening excluding the most recent happening... what the hell is wrong with me? even now, how many people do i still keep in touch with? i have an AIM buddy list of about 60 people, and i only talk to like 4 of them at most. all the people ive met have all gone forgetting about me and not even thinking about getting together.
now i think officially i can say that the group compiling of about 10-15 people who used to all hang out by the concrete wall at lunch time have all but dissolved. no one hangs out with each other any more except for at most 1 person from the original group. its all a pity really, we've all been friends for 4-5+ years. its sad... very sad.....
i dont really care about anything anymore, nor do i care about anyone, as soon as i get a chance to, im going to move in with my mom in texas, theres almost nothing left for me here. i need a clean slate, i need to start over, i need to. because no one except my mom cares for me......
don't ever forget, because i'll never forget you all
i wont be posting for a long time this is my final entry for awhile. if you want to find me, there has to be at least one person out there with my cell # besides me.
btw, i know it all sounds suicidal, but im not, dont worry about that.