shrug
So it's quarter of 5 in the morning and I decided to write a new entry after like 5 months. It won't be troubled, dark, or tormented as is the livejournal tradition. I don't really have anything to bitch about. I mean, I could testify that school blows and is slowly sucking the life out of me through a combination of 8AM classes and obscene amounts of work, but these are trivialities and don't constitute real-world problems.
I've figured out why I never got into the habit of writing on LJ. It's probably because I'm worthless when it comes to expression and creativity. I can't figure out if that's something that comes solely with practice or if it is purely genetic. Obviously there are unbelievably talented musicians, artisans, writers, etc. who have an inherent genius and proliferate through their vision. And obviously these people practiced really hard to attain mastery of their respective talents. But are some people resigned to never possessing inherent creativity? Who knows.
On an unrelated note, I miss being in Europe. I couldn't and wouldn't desert my roots in the US, but I wouldn't mind living in Europe for another year or two. I feel like there's still so much to see and I've barely hit the tip of the iceberg. I feel the same about the States, though. I'd love to live in Colorado and California for a couple years each to see what life is like in those places. California would be fun and amazing, but I could see myself more living in the Rockies. I'm too much of a sucker for all things outdoors, and being under the shadow of an age-old mountain range would be incredible. I'd also gladly live in New England for awhile. But I feel like in the end, I'd settle back here around Jersey and PA. Family ties I suppose. My parents did an amazing job of reminding me constantly how important family is, and I can't forget it for long. I'm pretty freakin lucky.
Can I quit school? Please? I just want to get out of here for awhile and pitch a tent somewhere in the middle of nowhere and stare at the night sky or something. I'd make a campfire and drink a case of beer with people and just chill out. I'd hop in a canoe and paddle forever and stick my feet over the side into the cool, clear water. I'd ascend peaks and stare across the valleys and lakes and rivers to the peaks that I've already visited and decide which ones to climb next. I'd bring my guitar and learn how to actually play it. You may think that everything I'm saying is a load of crap, but it would sure beat the hell out of studying transistors and assembly language and fucking fourier transforms. Oh, sorry, I already said I wouldn't bitch about school.. whoops...
I can't believe I'm a junior and that college is over in a year and a half. When did we all grow up? Have we grown up? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I've been confronted with tough situations that required adult rationality (what the hell is that) and other times I feel like I'm still in high school. College life is a weird and confusing prospect. Wish I had another constant in my life that I could rely on to keep me sane, or to drive me insane every once in awhile to keep me sharp. I'm a junior, and yes I know I'm only 20 (almost 21! wooo!) and that I have much to learn about the world, but for now all I want is to work on whittling away at my youthful naivete through experience and healthy exercise of the non-rational portion of my brain, and my heart, I suppose. I don't want all this math and science bullshit to make me cold and unfeeling. I know it won't because my friends are caring enough to not let that happen, and because I was raised in a healthy household where interpersonal relationships were emphasized and encouraged. But there's definitely something missing, and that never seems to leave the back of my mind. I've tried the active approach, and then it was recommended to me that I not seek things out, that things would run their course. And sometimes they do, and that's great for about a week or two, but then it doesn't always click like it used to in high school. I don't know if everyone's grown up around me and I haven't changed, or if it's the other way around. I guess I'll find out eventually.
Well I've covered a diverse range of pointless topics less for your entertainment and more for my peace of mind. But I guess that's the point of journals, eh? On a scale of 1 to Content, I'm about a 7 out of ten. I guess that's pretty good. Well I'm gonna go sleep in my bed with it's newly refurbished spring that I spent 2 hours fixing so that my bed wouldn't feel like concrete. Then I'll sleep in to ridiculous hours because I don't sleep nearly enough during the week. And I'll watch the Eagles do their thing tomorrow... I hope it's not embarassingly stupid. And then of course I'll do some waste of time work for a couple hours before I get lazy and do something else for a few hours before I go to bed way later than I should have. Peace.
I've figured out why I never got into the habit of writing on LJ. It's probably because I'm worthless when it comes to expression and creativity. I can't figure out if that's something that comes solely with practice or if it is purely genetic. Obviously there are unbelievably talented musicians, artisans, writers, etc. who have an inherent genius and proliferate through their vision. And obviously these people practiced really hard to attain mastery of their respective talents. But are some people resigned to never possessing inherent creativity? Who knows.
On an unrelated note, I miss being in Europe. I couldn't and wouldn't desert my roots in the US, but I wouldn't mind living in Europe for another year or two. I feel like there's still so much to see and I've barely hit the tip of the iceberg. I feel the same about the States, though. I'd love to live in Colorado and California for a couple years each to see what life is like in those places. California would be fun and amazing, but I could see myself more living in the Rockies. I'm too much of a sucker for all things outdoors, and being under the shadow of an age-old mountain range would be incredible. I'd also gladly live in New England for awhile. But I feel like in the end, I'd settle back here around Jersey and PA. Family ties I suppose. My parents did an amazing job of reminding me constantly how important family is, and I can't forget it for long. I'm pretty freakin lucky.
Can I quit school? Please? I just want to get out of here for awhile and pitch a tent somewhere in the middle of nowhere and stare at the night sky or something. I'd make a campfire and drink a case of beer with people and just chill out. I'd hop in a canoe and paddle forever and stick my feet over the side into the cool, clear water. I'd ascend peaks and stare across the valleys and lakes and rivers to the peaks that I've already visited and decide which ones to climb next. I'd bring my guitar and learn how to actually play it. You may think that everything I'm saying is a load of crap, but it would sure beat the hell out of studying transistors and assembly language and fucking fourier transforms. Oh, sorry, I already said I wouldn't bitch about school.. whoops...
I can't believe I'm a junior and that college is over in a year and a half. When did we all grow up? Have we grown up? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I've been confronted with tough situations that required adult rationality (what the hell is that) and other times I feel like I'm still in high school. College life is a weird and confusing prospect. Wish I had another constant in my life that I could rely on to keep me sane, or to drive me insane every once in awhile to keep me sharp. I'm a junior, and yes I know I'm only 20 (almost 21! wooo!) and that I have much to learn about the world, but for now all I want is to work on whittling away at my youthful naivete through experience and healthy exercise of the non-rational portion of my brain, and my heart, I suppose. I don't want all this math and science bullshit to make me cold and unfeeling. I know it won't because my friends are caring enough to not let that happen, and because I was raised in a healthy household where interpersonal relationships were emphasized and encouraged. But there's definitely something missing, and that never seems to leave the back of my mind. I've tried the active approach, and then it was recommended to me that I not seek things out, that things would run their course. And sometimes they do, and that's great for about a week or two, but then it doesn't always click like it used to in high school. I don't know if everyone's grown up around me and I haven't changed, or if it's the other way around. I guess I'll find out eventually.
Well I've covered a diverse range of pointless topics less for your entertainment and more for my peace of mind. But I guess that's the point of journals, eh? On a scale of 1 to Content, I'm about a 7 out of ten. I guess that's pretty good. Well I'm gonna go sleep in my bed with it's newly refurbished spring that I spent 2 hours fixing so that my bed wouldn't feel like concrete. Then I'll sleep in to ridiculous hours because I don't sleep nearly enough during the week. And I'll watch the Eagles do their thing tomorrow... I hope it's not embarassingly stupid. And then of course I'll do some waste of time work for a couple hours before I get lazy and do something else for a few hours before I go to bed way later than I should have. Peace.