(no subject)
Alot of things are happening lately some good some bad.When you see death you tend to think about you own mortality and when i sit here and think about it i don't fear death as much as i fear others.I see how much i have accomplished and i wonder what im going to do about it.when i wake up tomorrow or 3 years from now what will be different.if nothing then i should stop being here right now.but im glad to say that i don't want to leave to many people would miss me and in truth i would miss everybody alot more.i find myself wondering about friends and how the current president and politics might take my friends lives.i hope that i will live to see my children and all my friends fruitfull and good lives.but even as i stare blindly at this screen i see that alot of them won't be around forever.my mind bounces around to much to too ,any things i reminded of something i thought of at work the world is like a rusty metal wire that slowly rubs agenst my youthful heart and i sit in the valley of darkness looking towards the light of the future only to feel as if the light is to bright for me to live .I feel with all of my heart that im better then i am and i need to be somewhere else and doing other things.Im not smart but im intelligent.im not good but i try not to be bad.im kind but you can't help but hate.im alive but when im awake i don't feel alive.when you take away the world do you feel better?or is it the world that makes you live?I saw something in myself that made me smile and i felt really good.it wasn't any drug or form of achahol no it was me dismantling a TV that i had owned since Angela was still here.in less then 20 min i had Taken apart repaired and set up my system that i have here.in the middle of it i smiled and laughed because at one point i thought i would never understand anything about tvs and such.so i make this promise to myself that i will continue to live as much as i can because there is those that can't anymore and i want all my friends waiting for me when i goto heaven.i also thought that in my age of 25 i have come from a shy fat little kid to a somewhat cool guy and im respected by my friends and loved by my peers i have more in emotional happiness that i could ever ask for and i will personally make sure that i will not waste my life or talent.and if at all possible i will be greater then i am right now so that later down the line i can look back at this post and say i remember when i was less then myself and all i thought about was nothing and all i did was everything as the years of my youth passed quicker with each passing year..................................i will not be the same person but i will always be myself .