My Trip To Manhattan - Chapter One
Hello Everyone!!
I’d like to tell you all a bit about my “Vacation” (and I use the term very loosely!) in NYC over the past weekend.
Things were still pretty much still up in the air as far as a schedule for the weekend by the time I was heading out to SeaTac! My first time flying Jet Blue was a very interesting experience. I had a middle seat which meant that even with their advertised ‘extra inches’ it was still a tight squeeze! I happened to jot down a few things in one of my GIR notebooks throughout the flight. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I did living it.
JUNE 8 - 2:00-ish - somewhere over Spokane
Okay. SO perhaps this will be a diary of my whatever it turns out to be. I’m keeping myself busy doing crosswords as the elderly Jewish man to my right has his tray down pulling out little slips of different shapes and colored paper to add up his expenses. You would think I am making this all up but life is too wonderfully predictable.
Leave it to me trapped in a center seat. Here I sit trapped between two Gentlemen. To my left who appears to have been spit out of Colorado time warp from a John Denver concert many years ago and do not forget the altah kakah cooking the books while simultaneously and continually flipping through the thirty-some DirectTV channels on the seat back in front of him.
I will stick to my crossword puzzles for now, as beverage service is beginning! Hurray!! Time for a nice little double Scotch!!
*****
Somewhere over Billings, Montana - I think
Well, the “Snack & Beverage” service was okay. After I downed my Double Scotch I managed to procure some unsalted cashews and a semi-stale chocolate chip cookie.
Did I mention that I’m wearing my suit? Yes, tie and everything, looking very mature even if I’m not acting like it. But leave it to me to get chocolate smudged on my neatly pressed, clean white shirt within seconds of opening the cookie! Lord knows that back at the airport bar I knocked over my first drink (Yes, I headed straight for the bar) right into my OWN LAP!! I tell ya, it has to get better!!
WAIT - I spoke too soon!!
Okay - so remember the old Jewish curmudgeon - he has stopped adding up receipts and begun reading. But this doesn’t keep him from leaving the little TV on - BLARING even with the speakers in his ears.
Oh yeah - I remember now… He mentioned something about taking off his hearing aids to his wife rather loudly for the moment.
BLARING!!!
5:45 Central Time - Somewhere between Fargo, ND and Watertown, SD
HURRAY!!! This third Scotch is helping me cope with the little nuisance from the man seated in front of me. No, he hasn’t put his seat so far back that I lose all feeling in my legs. No. He is using a laptop computer that has a battery that is very low because it makes a little “beep” noise - CONSTANTLY SINCE TAKE-OFF!!! It’s like a Chinese Water Torture. Even the old Jewish man’s wife called for the stewardess to ask if it was some sort of warning that she should be concerned about. As if at any minute - POOF - the wing falls off. She just wants to be prepared.
Then there is something that at first glance appeared almost quaint but as the flight has worn on even looking their way gives me a facial tic!! They’re separated by the aisle - from what I overheard some superstition that she always requests for luck.
Are you getting the picture? She’s continually ringing for help while he’s waking the dead with the odd comment or statement. He’s been told since the first time he spoke to soften his tone - but it seems to be getting louder.
The denim and polyester covered lump on my left seems to only do two things: sleep with his mouth open and eating his chosen snacks as if it were his first food in months.
Oh yeah - when I went to the bathroom a bit ago I realized that I had (don’t be offended or shocked) a metal cock-ring in my suit pocket.
HOW SAD IS IT THAT IT WASN’T EVEN ENOUGH TO SET OFF ONE SINGLE BUZZER!!
I’m getting another Scotch.
That is all I wrote on my flight. I shared a ride into the city with a random person (nice gay business man) in a SUV pretending to be a town car for the early 30-something Puerto Rican couple who were our drivers.
It actually was quite wonderful because after we dropped off the other guy I asked if they could drive me down Broadway through Times Square on the way to Michael’s apartment. WOW! It’s so different now that it took me a minute or two to figure out where we were and what used to be there twenty years ago.
That’s all for now - I’ll give you another installment a little later today.
M’wah - M.