(no subject)
Just when I thought life was looking good, it seems like a big boot just came along and kicked me to the ground...here i lay. I can't fathom how everything can just go SO wrong in the course of a few days, how the empires I spent so long building have fallen. God Bless Bri Dana, God Bless Louisiana. God Bless.
Friends-wise I'm back to that same point of hanging out by myself, of having my phone not ring, but desperatly wishing it would. Im even so lame as my parents left all weekend and I STILL didnt stay out past my curfew or have anyone spend the night because I guess there must be something about me that turns people away...what is it? I find myself a good kid, i can hold a conversation and im nice...I have all Sunday to sit and to do nothing, I dont have work and I dont have friends and im starting to resent myself for that so im not so sure its going to be fun to hang out with myself.
Then in all of this there is Joey, the kid who I had finally moved on, I got it..HE DIDNT LIKE ME. Oh but of course as my luck would have it two nights ago he sat down and told me how much he respected me, that he liked me, and that he thought i was a intelligent, funny, beautiful girl that just "clicked" with him, I was the perfect girl he said and he was sorry for being an asshole, we would take it slow so we were positive this was the right thing to do. I tried to laugh it off like I didnt believe him but I got home and for some reason I did, I did believe the things he said and I thought maybe he can be someone to help me get through alot of this thats happening...but why? Why would I be allowed to have a sliver of happiness?! I dont know, thats such an out-of-reach goal I guess. My life is a tredmill...im running all the time but not getting anywhere. But here comes the climax of the joey story...I called him last night and he answered but said he would "maybe hang out" and "he will call me back" but he didnt. But I knew he wouldnt, I knew from the second the words came out of his mouth and traveled the phone lines to my ear, the wierd thing is this kid, joey, and I he is like the male affliction of myself, we think the same we get all bent out of shape over the same things and we are both trying to convince ourselves that we aren't going to be happy if we date...when we both KNOW we would be. All of this because we both just got out of seven-month long relationships and are scared to get hurt again, but you cant live like that you have to trust again and KNOW that something that wonderful will come around again, it wasnt ment to be...Joey, give me a chance...you said it yourself something about us just fits like puzzle pieces. Please.
Friends-wise I'm back to that same point of hanging out by myself, of having my phone not ring, but desperatly wishing it would. Im even so lame as my parents left all weekend and I STILL didnt stay out past my curfew or have anyone spend the night because I guess there must be something about me that turns people away...what is it? I find myself a good kid, i can hold a conversation and im nice...I have all Sunday to sit and to do nothing, I dont have work and I dont have friends and im starting to resent myself for that so im not so sure its going to be fun to hang out with myself.
Then in all of this there is Joey, the kid who I had finally moved on, I got it..HE DIDNT LIKE ME. Oh but of course as my luck would have it two nights ago he sat down and told me how much he respected me, that he liked me, and that he thought i was a intelligent, funny, beautiful girl that just "clicked" with him, I was the perfect girl he said and he was sorry for being an asshole, we would take it slow so we were positive this was the right thing to do. I tried to laugh it off like I didnt believe him but I got home and for some reason I did, I did believe the things he said and I thought maybe he can be someone to help me get through alot of this thats happening...but why? Why would I be allowed to have a sliver of happiness?! I dont know, thats such an out-of-reach goal I guess. My life is a tredmill...im running all the time but not getting anywhere. But here comes the climax of the joey story...I called him last night and he answered but said he would "maybe hang out" and "he will call me back" but he didnt. But I knew he wouldnt, I knew from the second the words came out of his mouth and traveled the phone lines to my ear, the wierd thing is this kid, joey, and I he is like the male affliction of myself, we think the same we get all bent out of shape over the same things and we are both trying to convince ourselves that we aren't going to be happy if we date...when we both KNOW we would be. All of this because we both just got out of seven-month long relationships and are scared to get hurt again, but you cant live like that you have to trust again and KNOW that something that wonderful will come around again, it wasnt ment to be...Joey, give me a chance...you said it yourself something about us just fits like puzzle pieces. Please.