oh the times....
Ok so I am writing this because Dorn told me to...
Anyways, the guy prompted me with the question of whether or not I would stay here for free grad school and a monthly living stipend, given the chance. He asked only because he noticed me liking school and liking being up here, whereas in the past this was not necessarily true. I can't lie, being the Big 10 Champions helps. It really helped give this place a more positive atmosphere, and rightfully so, they revived their seemingly fallen heritage in one season. However, I also think it’s because now I have years of school to look back on. I can look back on freshman year and remember the rude awakening I received in all aspects. I had harder and much more school work, I had to take care of myself, I was in a TOTALLY different place, I was surrounded with more diversity than before, and I watched my relationships around me change, or fail. I had to endure squalid living conditions in the dorms, and had to figure out exactly what worked for me and how to get by with good study and eating habits and time management. It was a time for me to wonder who the hell I was and what my priorities were. Sophomore year was met with many new friendships, the majority of my friends now were made that year, but it was also met with a much greater work load, much more stress, less than desired results, and a huge feeling of let down once I came home. I really felt like I worked hard as hell for two years and got nothing that I had aimed for. I really felt bad about that for a while. Today is a new day though, as is well documented in this blog; junior year has been the ultimate college pay-off for me. I now live in an apartment, and Drew, Andy, and Braymer are such great roommates. My classes are all classes I enjoy, and I am doing better in school than ever before in my whole life. I was invited into an honor's society, and got myself a co-op. Everything I have tried for is all coming together. I have great relationships, and great successes. I guess this is what everyone means by "the best times of your life", and thankfully I am having a good time if this turns out to be true.
But this leads me to the other reason why I am happier at school. It’s going to end soon. I am going on co-op next semester, and while it’s worth it, I am going to miss my friends up here, especially Andy since he is moving out after next semester. It’s a hard truth to face but soon I will have a job, and even more responsibilities than I have now. Another drawback is that my great friendships here at school (and home as well) have the possibility of coming to an end. I hope to stay in touch with as many as possible, but I know that is not 100% possible. It’s going to end soon, and subconsciously I am trying to soak it all up it seems. I guess it’s all hitting me now - I am almost a fucking adult. I spent most of my life wondering what it would be like to "grow up" and do all the shit I am doing now, and it’s weird. Shit, I can remember playing with Ninja Turtles and pretending my family room was Dimension X, now I have fully designed and built a sound card that converts 8-bit digital signals into listenable audio. If you told me back then that I would know and understand and put into practice the things I know now I would have called you a liar because I never wanted to be a “scientist” or an “inventor”.
I don't feel like my life is over, it’s just a new stage. But anyone who knows me knows I don't like change. Oh well, these are the thoughts of graduating seniors, and I am not graduating. I got a whole 'nother three semesters of hard work, good friends, fun times, and delaying the inevitable - finishing growing up. Here’s to the next year or so…
Anyways, the guy prompted me with the question of whether or not I would stay here for free grad school and a monthly living stipend, given the chance. He asked only because he noticed me liking school and liking being up here, whereas in the past this was not necessarily true. I can't lie, being the Big 10 Champions helps. It really helped give this place a more positive atmosphere, and rightfully so, they revived their seemingly fallen heritage in one season. However, I also think it’s because now I have years of school to look back on. I can look back on freshman year and remember the rude awakening I received in all aspects. I had harder and much more school work, I had to take care of myself, I was in a TOTALLY different place, I was surrounded with more diversity than before, and I watched my relationships around me change, or fail. I had to endure squalid living conditions in the dorms, and had to figure out exactly what worked for me and how to get by with good study and eating habits and time management. It was a time for me to wonder who the hell I was and what my priorities were. Sophomore year was met with many new friendships, the majority of my friends now were made that year, but it was also met with a much greater work load, much more stress, less than desired results, and a huge feeling of let down once I came home. I really felt like I worked hard as hell for two years and got nothing that I had aimed for. I really felt bad about that for a while. Today is a new day though, as is well documented in this blog; junior year has been the ultimate college pay-off for me. I now live in an apartment, and Drew, Andy, and Braymer are such great roommates. My classes are all classes I enjoy, and I am doing better in school than ever before in my whole life. I was invited into an honor's society, and got myself a co-op. Everything I have tried for is all coming together. I have great relationships, and great successes. I guess this is what everyone means by "the best times of your life", and thankfully I am having a good time if this turns out to be true.
But this leads me to the other reason why I am happier at school. It’s going to end soon. I am going on co-op next semester, and while it’s worth it, I am going to miss my friends up here, especially Andy since he is moving out after next semester. It’s a hard truth to face but soon I will have a job, and even more responsibilities than I have now. Another drawback is that my great friendships here at school (and home as well) have the possibility of coming to an end. I hope to stay in touch with as many as possible, but I know that is not 100% possible. It’s going to end soon, and subconsciously I am trying to soak it all up it seems. I guess it’s all hitting me now - I am almost a fucking adult. I spent most of my life wondering what it would be like to "grow up" and do all the shit I am doing now, and it’s weird. Shit, I can remember playing with Ninja Turtles and pretending my family room was Dimension X, now I have fully designed and built a sound card that converts 8-bit digital signals into listenable audio. If you told me back then that I would know and understand and put into practice the things I know now I would have called you a liar because I never wanted to be a “scientist” or an “inventor”.
I don't feel like my life is over, it’s just a new stage. But anyone who knows me knows I don't like change. Oh well, these are the thoughts of graduating seniors, and I am not graduating. I got a whole 'nother three semesters of hard work, good friends, fun times, and delaying the inevitable - finishing growing up. Here’s to the next year or so…