Mr. Zsasz, you have a palindrome waiting on line one. Mr. Zsasz, you have a palindrome on line one.
Was it a cat I saw?
Yes, Wikipedia, it was a cat that Michael saw today. Or rather, kittens. Cute, nimbly, cuddly little kittens.
Monday. Bloody Monday.
I think everyone hates Mondays. But, when you think about it, Monday isn't such a bad day. It has the bad reputation that was unfairly placed upon it years ago by the barbers of the 1920's. Back in those days, Monday was a holiday for Barbershops, and so, anyone that wanted their hair trimmed or neatened up for Tuesday Brunch had to wait until, well, Tuesday Thus, everyone would go to the Barbershops on Tuesday, but they would wake up early so that they might secure a place in line. Back in those days, Barbershops didn't take what people might know as appointments (It was known as hooliganing). Instead, they had ticker tape. And, with this ticket tape, the line for the stock market would form. People would buy stocks based on what number was on their ticker tape. For instance, if the number read AGS550, the person would be inclined to buy 550 shares of American General Steel. This was seen as unorthodox by the "rationalists" of the 1920's, but they were soon put to the stake for their heresy. Regardless, when 1929 came around, and Terrible Tuesday (Some might known it as Black Tuesday? Yeah, you're wrong. This is my fucking story, chap, so sit down, and shut the fuck up.), people rushed into the Barbershop for their weekly shape up. And, as we all remember from World History class with the good reverend, on October 22nd (He was fucking wrong; there are special rules about history that say a stock market crash cannot occur within a certain number of weeks of Columbus Day, it's all very technical), when the orange juice futures plummeted, causing mass hysteria that the price of uranium futures might follow suit. The resulting hysteriacal wave of selling futures led to a drop in the prices of all of the stocks in the entire New York Stock Exchange, thus ruining Tuesday's life forever. He is now on several different medications and has therapy 3 times a week. Subsequently there were 30512 barbers murdered in the city of New York on October 22nd, thus nearly making the species of Homo Barberus extinct.
Not that you have a little history, let's look at why the other days really should suck more than Monday.
Tuesday, as we have shown, is actually a really bad day. All of this stuff about it being a "productive" day? Yeah, that's bullshit. Socialist party propaganda, designed to make you think you actually are getting something acomplished. Yeah, like workers actually get stuff done
Wednesday? It's the middle of the week. It's just one more day between you and your weekend. Plus, it's another of those "productive" days. And it's another day between you and your pub crawl. And, it's another day in the boring office.
Thursday is probably the most tolerable day of the entire work week. Except that, like MTV on speed, crank, meth, heroin, skag, junk, oxy, and a host of other illicit Schedule 1 narcotics, it still isn't anymore interesting than watching grass grow.
Friday is probably the single worst day of the week. Why? Because it's there, at the end, taunting you. You know that if you skip Friday, you will be fired. If you have Fuck-around Fridays or Friday Fuckfests, you will be fired. Nothing is worse for your career than your boss walking in on you sexing up your sexretary. Except maybe for him walking in on Saturday Secretary Sex, because that just shows him that you think the office is only a place for fucking around.
Now that we've shown the bad parts of the other days, let's look at Monday, shall we?
It's the day after Sunday, and nobody, I mean, nobody goes out partying and drinking and doing all sorts of the Devil's substances on the Lord's Day. So therefore you are probably most rested Monday morning. If you're tired, try sleeping. It tends to have this great effect of making you feel like you're rested. If your office has a very relaxed drug policy, try any of the following narcotics: skag, junk, meth, speed, crack, coke, cocaine. They, while being somewhat highly illegal in the U.S. and most other nations, and highly followed by the DEA and Interpol, tend to have a very stimulating effect on the human body. If you're work just plain blows, aside from "the standard", that is, well... we've alll seen Runaway Jury. Or, quit your day job, as the expression doesn't go, and join these folks. http://www.capalert.com/capreports/runawayjury.htm
Anyway, my time has run short. You enjoy your day. I'll be back later.
Sincerely,
Michael
Yes, Wikipedia, it was a cat that Michael saw today. Or rather, kittens. Cute, nimbly, cuddly little kittens.
Monday. Bloody Monday.
I think everyone hates Mondays. But, when you think about it, Monday isn't such a bad day. It has the bad reputation that was unfairly placed upon it years ago by the barbers of the 1920's. Back in those days, Monday was a holiday for Barbershops, and so, anyone that wanted their hair trimmed or neatened up for Tuesday Brunch had to wait until, well, Tuesday Thus, everyone would go to the Barbershops on Tuesday, but they would wake up early so that they might secure a place in line. Back in those days, Barbershops didn't take what people might know as appointments (It was known as hooliganing). Instead, they had ticker tape. And, with this ticket tape, the line for the stock market would form. People would buy stocks based on what number was on their ticker tape. For instance, if the number read AGS550, the person would be inclined to buy 550 shares of American General Steel. This was seen as unorthodox by the "rationalists" of the 1920's, but they were soon put to the stake for their heresy. Regardless, when 1929 came around, and Terrible Tuesday (Some might known it as Black Tuesday? Yeah, you're wrong. This is my fucking story, chap, so sit down, and shut the fuck up.), people rushed into the Barbershop for their weekly shape up. And, as we all remember from World History class with the good reverend, on October 22nd (He was fucking wrong; there are special rules about history that say a stock market crash cannot occur within a certain number of weeks of Columbus Day, it's all very technical), when the orange juice futures plummeted, causing mass hysteria that the price of uranium futures might follow suit. The resulting hysteriacal wave of selling futures led to a drop in the prices of all of the stocks in the entire New York Stock Exchange, thus ruining Tuesday's life forever. He is now on several different medications and has therapy 3 times a week. Subsequently there were 30512 barbers murdered in the city of New York on October 22nd, thus nearly making the species of Homo Barberus extinct.
Not that you have a little history, let's look at why the other days really should suck more than Monday.
Tuesday, as we have shown, is actually a really bad day. All of this stuff about it being a "productive" day? Yeah, that's bullshit. Socialist party propaganda, designed to make you think you actually are getting something acomplished. Yeah, like workers actually get stuff done
Wednesday? It's the middle of the week. It's just one more day between you and your weekend. Plus, it's another of those "productive" days. And it's another day between you and your pub crawl. And, it's another day in the boring office.
Thursday is probably the most tolerable day of the entire work week. Except that, like MTV on speed, crank, meth, heroin, skag, junk, oxy, and a host of other illicit Schedule 1 narcotics, it still isn't anymore interesting than watching grass grow.
Friday is probably the single worst day of the week. Why? Because it's there, at the end, taunting you. You know that if you skip Friday, you will be fired. If you have Fuck-around Fridays or Friday Fuckfests, you will be fired. Nothing is worse for your career than your boss walking in on you sexing up your sexretary. Except maybe for him walking in on Saturday Secretary Sex, because that just shows him that you think the office is only a place for fucking around.
Now that we've shown the bad parts of the other days, let's look at Monday, shall we?
It's the day after Sunday, and nobody, I mean, nobody goes out partying and drinking and doing all sorts of the Devil's substances on the Lord's Day. So therefore you are probably most rested Monday morning. If you're tired, try sleeping. It tends to have this great effect of making you feel like you're rested. If your office has a very relaxed drug policy, try any of the following narcotics: skag, junk, meth, speed, crack, coke, cocaine. They, while being somewhat highly illegal in the U.S. and most other nations, and highly followed by the DEA and Interpol, tend to have a very stimulating effect on the human body. If you're work just plain blows, aside from "the standard", that is, well... we've alll seen Runaway Jury. Or, quit your day job, as the expression doesn't go, and join these folks. http://www.capalert.com/capreports/runawayjury.htm
Anyway, my time has run short. You enjoy your day. I'll be back later.
Sincerely,
Michael