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30 Days of Truth: Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for
I've only told one person the following things before, and that is Shannon McNutt.
I blame myself for my brother's learning disability. He has had a very difficult time reading throughout the years. It makes me so sad to watch him struggle to pronounce things and spell easy words wrong, only to be told off by Grammar Nazis for being "careless." It breaks my heart. And I blame myself for this for two reasons.
The first reason sounds probably sounds silly. And mean. You see, when I was younger, for some reason, I was very bitter towards my brother. I think this is because I craved attention, and he was the one who got it because he was younger than I was. Nevertheless, we were very close and I spent most of my time around him. And I remember that whenever he would say something wrong or what I thought was stupid, I would hit him on the top of the head.
I think when I was in about 3rd grade, I found out that your soft spot does not entirely stop being soft until you're five years old. I was doing this to him when he was probably 3. I don't really know why I did this to him, but I have felt terrible ever since. And when we began to notice him having a problem with reading, the guilt started. I feel like I did some sort of brain damage to him, and I've never really forgiven myself for it.
The second reason is because my mother needed my help. She bought Hooked on Phonics and would ask me to work with him on it. I probably did it once, but other than that, I didn't. I was a kid when this happened as well, so I should be able to understand that I thought it was boring and was antsy. Still, I was in probably 5th grade, so I feel like I should have been old enough to be selfless for a second and help my brother out.
Another thing I have to forgive myself for is for not getting the best grades in high school. I'm probably not going to forgive myself for this anytime soon, but at some point I'm going to have to. Actually, I should forgive myself for middle school because that's what lead to my habits in high school. I did not see how important it was to learn until it was too late. Then I got my act together. By that time, it was senior year, though. So the 4.0 in my senior year means nothing when I failed my A.P. U.S. History class in my Junior year. I could have gone to U of M, where is where I really wish I was right now, and I hate myself for not being able to get in now.
Finally, the last thing I need for forgive myself for are for all the stupid little things I say and the little awkward moments I have in life that I tend to drone on forever. It always bothers me hours later, and I still feel humiliated even when other people probably don't care.
I've only told one person the following things before, and that is Shannon McNutt.
I blame myself for my brother's learning disability. He has had a very difficult time reading throughout the years. It makes me so sad to watch him struggle to pronounce things and spell easy words wrong, only to be told off by Grammar Nazis for being "careless." It breaks my heart. And I blame myself for this for two reasons.
The first reason sounds probably sounds silly. And mean. You see, when I was younger, for some reason, I was very bitter towards my brother. I think this is because I craved attention, and he was the one who got it because he was younger than I was. Nevertheless, we were very close and I spent most of my time around him. And I remember that whenever he would say something wrong or what I thought was stupid, I would hit him on the top of the head.
I think when I was in about 3rd grade, I found out that your soft spot does not entirely stop being soft until you're five years old. I was doing this to him when he was probably 3. I don't really know why I did this to him, but I have felt terrible ever since. And when we began to notice him having a problem with reading, the guilt started. I feel like I did some sort of brain damage to him, and I've never really forgiven myself for it.
The second reason is because my mother needed my help. She bought Hooked on Phonics and would ask me to work with him on it. I probably did it once, but other than that, I didn't. I was a kid when this happened as well, so I should be able to understand that I thought it was boring and was antsy. Still, I was in probably 5th grade, so I feel like I should have been old enough to be selfless for a second and help my brother out.
Another thing I have to forgive myself for is for not getting the best grades in high school. I'm probably not going to forgive myself for this anytime soon, but at some point I'm going to have to. Actually, I should forgive myself for middle school because that's what lead to my habits in high school. I did not see how important it was to learn until it was too late. Then I got my act together. By that time, it was senior year, though. So the 4.0 in my senior year means nothing when I failed my A.P. U.S. History class in my Junior year. I could have gone to U of M, where is where I really wish I was right now, and I hate myself for not being able to get in now.
Finally, the last thing I need for forgive myself for are for all the stupid little things I say and the little awkward moments I have in life that I tend to drone on forever. It always bothers me hours later, and I still feel humiliated even when other people probably don't care.