(no subject)
I missed you today. Your eyes, that's what I missed the most, how you used to look at me. Memories always fail me, I think I made up great happenings, events in my mind that made things easier. So this whole time the lies I've been spilling out were real in my head just to help me keep on breathing as the passing days go by. I took it hard when you left, the hardest I think, the depression set in the tears went away and the coldness and the pain just stayed with me. I never said goodbye so everytime before I lay down I close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep next to you and try to remember your smell. So for the six hours that I would normally sleep I lay there in bed pretending to sleep next to you well aware of my suroundings, wide awake but eyes shut tight, thinking of you and how happy you used to make me feel. I wish we never fell apart, I didn't know why we had to seperate but I've got all these holes in me that I just want to fill with alcohol and tears. The tears stopped comming but I can always buy the the beer, always see myself with you with a nice hazey view thanks to the bottles I call my therapy. Now I finally understand what pushes people to the bottle, if these poor souls felt a tenth of what you made me feel..and then it be gone..AND THEN IT BE GONE!!! I'll join the masses, join the march, my eyes are finally open to what a great destraction it can be. So I'll drink untill your voice comes back, till your face becomes clear then I'll lay down and pretend you were here, how it used to be. I'll hear you talking to me, playing with my hair, I'll close my eyes....hug the air and pretend to be asleep next to you..