(no subject)
hahaha oh wow. did you feel that one? it hit low, then dug in and worked its way up, tearing apart everything on its way. now its out but its left a hell of an impression. my heart is about to beat through my chest and i just cant seem to get enough air. its a good reminder to let me know im still alive. and boy am i. i dont think i could handle this kind of reminder more than once in a blue moon.
so whats it gonna take to power through this one? im trying something new this time. i let the pictures pile up in my head. the worst kind. the ones that hurt. the ones that cut so deep they cut straight through. and i force myself to see them. over and over and over again. if this is what it takes to get through it, then ill live through the worst introspective nightmare i can possibly think of.
i force myself to see the awful truths; and fabrications that are even worse. but i wont break. ill play them through my head so many times, until theyre no more than simply sights.
ill keep reacting until i stop. until theres simply no response to it anymore. until im ironclad.
and then.
well, then.
then ill fix something else. im not gonna be sub par anymore. i dont like to settle for anything less than exactly what i want, and im not gonna settle with being anything less than i know im capable of.
besides, im getting bored of all the lazyiess and being mediocre. id rather stand out. im an attention-hog like that. heh.
on that note, i should probably stop writing. i need to finish up these online modules for my intro to clinical medicine class. as useless as they seem, they need to get done. then i can get outta here and get myself a haircut finally and come back and start studying for physio. if im gonna be awesome, im gonna have to start studying earlier than the day before the exam.
been eating a lot better lately, too. aside from a chinese food binge friday night, ive been staying in for food a lot more, and eating healthier. no more soda and hotpockets and nachos and shit like that. id like to go to the beach more than just once this summer, so ive got about 2 months to get out of lazy fatass mode and do something about it. i gotta start fitting the gym into my daily routine. fuck getting ripped, i just want to look respectable.
saturday is the ambulance ltd concert with jeff. ive been looking forward to this for a while. except my tickets are in nashua. so i think im gonna have to take a quick trip home friday to pick em up. serenas gonna be in town this weekend, too. and i think jim is gonna be up. that obviously means debauchery, and copious amounts of it. i think i may have to make an exception to the drinking rule this weekend, cuz i never see these people. no smokes though. thats still out. itll be a half victory haha
ok i gotta get back to work. this crap needs to get done, and if i dont do it, ill just end up sitting around doing nothing. which wouldnt be such a bad thing normally. but i might as well try to stick with this whole "get rid of bad habits" kick
...maaan this is gonna be difficult.
so whats it gonna take to power through this one? im trying something new this time. i let the pictures pile up in my head. the worst kind. the ones that hurt. the ones that cut so deep they cut straight through. and i force myself to see them. over and over and over again. if this is what it takes to get through it, then ill live through the worst introspective nightmare i can possibly think of.
i force myself to see the awful truths; and fabrications that are even worse. but i wont break. ill play them through my head so many times, until theyre no more than simply sights.
ill keep reacting until i stop. until theres simply no response to it anymore. until im ironclad.
and then.
well, then.
then ill fix something else. im not gonna be sub par anymore. i dont like to settle for anything less than exactly what i want, and im not gonna settle with being anything less than i know im capable of.
besides, im getting bored of all the lazyiess and being mediocre. id rather stand out. im an attention-hog like that. heh.
on that note, i should probably stop writing. i need to finish up these online modules for my intro to clinical medicine class. as useless as they seem, they need to get done. then i can get outta here and get myself a haircut finally and come back and start studying for physio. if im gonna be awesome, im gonna have to start studying earlier than the day before the exam.
been eating a lot better lately, too. aside from a chinese food binge friday night, ive been staying in for food a lot more, and eating healthier. no more soda and hotpockets and nachos and shit like that. id like to go to the beach more than just once this summer, so ive got about 2 months to get out of lazy fatass mode and do something about it. i gotta start fitting the gym into my daily routine. fuck getting ripped, i just want to look respectable.
saturday is the ambulance ltd concert with jeff. ive been looking forward to this for a while. except my tickets are in nashua. so i think im gonna have to take a quick trip home friday to pick em up. serenas gonna be in town this weekend, too. and i think jim is gonna be up. that obviously means debauchery, and copious amounts of it. i think i may have to make an exception to the drinking rule this weekend, cuz i never see these people. no smokes though. thats still out. itll be a half victory haha
ok i gotta get back to work. this crap needs to get done, and if i dont do it, ill just end up sitting around doing nothing. which wouldnt be such a bad thing normally. but i might as well try to stick with this whole "get rid of bad habits" kick
...maaan this is gonna be difficult.