Where have I been?
I was busy trying to come up with the ultimate birth control for all of Arda. Just put it in the water supplies and we'd be baby free. Porn and ale for everyone.
Then Sam said to stop playing with the chemicals under the sink. I did not stop because he told me too. I was just bored.
But I left the chemicals out by accident.
And Sam tripped through them over my outstrechted foot, and magically turned into a bison.
I put him in the pasture to graze, but then there wasn't anyone to make me tea to stare at all day. Plus he ate like the WHOLE field. You would think he was some hairy, horned, pig.
So we traveled to Sri Lanka where a mystic transformed the bison back into Sam.
The smell, unfortunately, is his parting gift from bisonhood.