smiths
there are many, real, blood, honorary, special to me (and specific orts networking)
there are things to be said about the smiths and i dont feel qualified to say them, drunk and so far from "home" (what is home? the country where i was born? i don't feel that. i feel at home. im in a comfy chair in a comfy kitchen in a hermosa beach house. i like this feeling.)
i feel so beautiful. my life is so complete and beautiful and worth it when i am here. everything is 3d. i live in a two dimensional transitory world where i am constantly trying to be somewhere else, and the piano plays in a manner i can only cry over. i am not stoned. i am happy. i am recognising this, i am unfamiliar with this, it has taken a year, i have had the girl but not the home, right now i have both, it grounds me. now i need to secure this place and own it. its important to want it, but more than that these amazing people make me believe i deserve it.
my sister in law is talking about motion and she is stoned. caitlin is here. she is beautiful too. these women (for that is what they are, these women, these writers, these life forces, these gems amongst waves of mediocrity) and megan, my first real friend of amie's. it was so important to me to know her friends. and now they are my friends, i am trusting them and getting drunk with them and loving them like they are my own. and it is the most loving thing that she can share these people with me. she is a very loving thing. i love that we are not perfect. recently people often ask me how we "are", i suppose that means how is our relationship. there isnt an answer to that, i think my smile says it al. i always want people to see inside of me to the core that rests on the laurels of us. i rock and wonder if anything can be perfect if perfection is not knowing love, fearing love, seeing love feared and overcoming those fears to have it and hold it and talk about it and want to keep waking up next to it no matter what the time difference. i know it is going to be hard when i go back. but something has altered. i feel a difference, a relaxation and a security that wasnt there before. i feel established. i feel a year is a good point to be knowing that i will come back in february or soon enough and she will have lasted with a smile. and i know whatever happens that i have the honesty and the intent to make it forever and that is what counts to me, to my pride, to my honour. to do what is right by those that i love and myself. myself is staying here even when my body flies away from here, that is different to before.
it is all pie. pumpkin. i had so much to give thanks for this year. and one year ago i didnt even know what the day meant.
thank you.
there are things to be said about the smiths and i dont feel qualified to say them, drunk and so far from "home" (what is home? the country where i was born? i don't feel that. i feel at home. im in a comfy chair in a comfy kitchen in a hermosa beach house. i like this feeling.)
i feel so beautiful. my life is so complete and beautiful and worth it when i am here. everything is 3d. i live in a two dimensional transitory world where i am constantly trying to be somewhere else, and the piano plays in a manner i can only cry over. i am not stoned. i am happy. i am recognising this, i am unfamiliar with this, it has taken a year, i have had the girl but not the home, right now i have both, it grounds me. now i need to secure this place and own it. its important to want it, but more than that these amazing people make me believe i deserve it.
my sister in law is talking about motion and she is stoned. caitlin is here. she is beautiful too. these women (for that is what they are, these women, these writers, these life forces, these gems amongst waves of mediocrity) and megan, my first real friend of amie's. it was so important to me to know her friends. and now they are my friends, i am trusting them and getting drunk with them and loving them like they are my own. and it is the most loving thing that she can share these people with me. she is a very loving thing. i love that we are not perfect. recently people often ask me how we "are", i suppose that means how is our relationship. there isnt an answer to that, i think my smile says it al. i always want people to see inside of me to the core that rests on the laurels of us. i rock and wonder if anything can be perfect if perfection is not knowing love, fearing love, seeing love feared and overcoming those fears to have it and hold it and talk about it and want to keep waking up next to it no matter what the time difference. i know it is going to be hard when i go back. but something has altered. i feel a difference, a relaxation and a security that wasnt there before. i feel established. i feel a year is a good point to be knowing that i will come back in february or soon enough and she will have lasted with a smile. and i know whatever happens that i have the honesty and the intent to make it forever and that is what counts to me, to my pride, to my honour. to do what is right by those that i love and myself. myself is staying here even when my body flies away from here, that is different to before.
it is all pie. pumpkin. i had so much to give thanks for this year. and one year ago i didnt even know what the day meant.
thank you.