Because White Skin Must Be Earned
Ah, my people. The South Side Irish.
The Irish are great freedom-fighters. The only problem is that for many of them freedom-fighting started and stopped with the sons and daughters of the auld sod. You see, our freedom was hard won. We "earned" our trip out of subjugation and slavery. Therefore, everyone else on the bottom still has to swim through the same river of rancid prejudice we did to achieve equality, dammit. And since this America everyone has a level playing field, right? What? I can't hear you. Skin color? 300 years of slavery? What does that have to do with it? How is that like anything we went through back in Èire?
Anyway, we Irish never had a period in Chicago history where the best career opportunities for a young Irishman involved either slogging through pig guts for 16 hours a day or getting involved with organized crime. Why, do you have any idea how many hours old-time Irish-American entrepreneurs had to work to get where they were back then? And Bathhouse John Coughlin and Hinky-Dink Kenna worked their fingers to the bone to get us to vote five times in each election and collect all that graft. We were possessed of an innate moral superiority, you see, living in flea-infested tenements, 10 or more to a room, stretching out a can of cream of mushroom soup for a week or more with a smile on our lips and a song in our hearts and never once cutting corners or taking a hand-out. All we did was go to church and get beaten by nuns. And we never, EVER engaged in any sort of substance abuse, I'll have you know. Say, pal, that whiskey isn't serving itself.
But these black people? Gimme gimme gimme. You'd think that when Daley Sr. sent the highways through their neighborhoods way back when, they'd have found some way to deal with having their homes and businesses ripped apart. And why do they think all cops are racist? Why, the last time cousin Tim was pulled over for speeding down Garfield Blvd., our cousin, Sgt. Tom gave him a good talking to, and he never did it again. And maybe if the black folks organized themselves a bit better, white people wouldn't have hurled bricks at Martin Luther King's head when he tried to march through Cicero. By God, if we'd stayed in those neighborhoods instead of running to the south suburbs, we would have shown them a thing or two about keeping their porches swept and their schools crime-free! As long as they didn't expect us to pay for it with our taxes. Oh, and if they remained on their block, of course. Because we're still waiting for them with bats down in certain neighborhoods.
Hey, I'm not racist for pointing all this out. Bill Cosby said the exact same thing. I think. Anyway, I never once owned a slave.
And begorrah, look at me baptismal certificate! They went and made th' good Laird a NAYgur! Saints presarve us.
On a serious note, this op-ed piece is how "conservative," God-fearing, Republican-now-that-they-have-money, Irish-Chicagoans talk in public. Among folks they trust to agree with them, they say shit that would burn off your ears.
Trust me on this.
The Irish are great freedom-fighters. The only problem is that for many of them freedom-fighting started and stopped with the sons and daughters of the auld sod. You see, our freedom was hard won. We "earned" our trip out of subjugation and slavery. Therefore, everyone else on the bottom still has to swim through the same river of rancid prejudice we did to achieve equality, dammit. And since this America everyone has a level playing field, right? What? I can't hear you. Skin color? 300 years of slavery? What does that have to do with it? How is that like anything we went through back in Èire?
Anyway, we Irish never had a period in Chicago history where the best career opportunities for a young Irishman involved either slogging through pig guts for 16 hours a day or getting involved with organized crime. Why, do you have any idea how many hours old-time Irish-American entrepreneurs had to work to get where they were back then? And Bathhouse John Coughlin and Hinky-Dink Kenna worked their fingers to the bone to get us to vote five times in each election and collect all that graft. We were possessed of an innate moral superiority, you see, living in flea-infested tenements, 10 or more to a room, stretching out a can of cream of mushroom soup for a week or more with a smile on our lips and a song in our hearts and never once cutting corners or taking a hand-out. All we did was go to church and get beaten by nuns. And we never, EVER engaged in any sort of substance abuse, I'll have you know. Say, pal, that whiskey isn't serving itself.
But these black people? Gimme gimme gimme. You'd think that when Daley Sr. sent the highways through their neighborhoods way back when, they'd have found some way to deal with having their homes and businesses ripped apart. And why do they think all cops are racist? Why, the last time cousin Tim was pulled over for speeding down Garfield Blvd., our cousin, Sgt. Tom gave him a good talking to, and he never did it again. And maybe if the black folks organized themselves a bit better, white people wouldn't have hurled bricks at Martin Luther King's head when he tried to march through Cicero. By God, if we'd stayed in those neighborhoods instead of running to the south suburbs, we would have shown them a thing or two about keeping their porches swept and their schools crime-free! As long as they didn't expect us to pay for it with our taxes. Oh, and if they remained on their block, of course. Because we're still waiting for them with bats down in certain neighborhoods.
Hey, I'm not racist for pointing all this out. Bill Cosby said the exact same thing. I think. Anyway, I never once owned a slave.
And begorrah, look at me baptismal certificate! They went and made th' good Laird a NAYgur! Saints presarve us.
On a serious note, this op-ed piece is how "conservative," God-fearing, Republican-now-that-they-have-money, Irish-Chicagoans talk in public. Among folks they trust to agree with them, they say shit that would burn off your ears.
Trust me on this.