Rock
Cool: Finding this goddamned thing on the shelves of a thrift store not known for the quality or coolness of its merchandise.
Even cooler: Discovering this inscription on the bottom,
leading me to imagine the possibilities that:
1. It was a love token, fashioned by a young male burnout for his lady love. Horrified, she rejected him, sadly, leading him to renounce his former satanic life and get a haircut. Pleased, his father paid his way through fundamentalist christian college, where he met Ralph Reed and struck a lifelong friendship. Unfortunately, he learned too much about Reed's ties with Abramoff, and is currently a dessicated corpse lying beneath the sands of Death Valley. If he were still alive, he'd appreciate the irony that his current appearance mimics this former trinket of his.
2. Bought in a Minneapolis head shop, it once rested on the mantel of "Pat," a headbanging garage band frontman, after he received it from a black magic honey during a week of dissipation and sexual abomination. Later, he got high on demon weed one stormy night and hung himself while listening to the backward masked commands to KILL HIMSELF on The Blizzard of Ozz. Unfortunately, it was the night of Samhain, and his blood intermingled with the wax of a black candle he'd bought on a lark at the Occult Bookstore. This, combined with Ozzy's subaudible chants from Crowley's Liber AL vel Legis, sub figura CCXX, have ensured that the former lead guitarist will return as Satan's personal Fucke-Beeste, seizing young virginal cheerleaders in his bony grip and impregnating them with the Devil's Foul Crimson Seed. Hence and therefore shall he father ye Antichrist, instigate the Babalon working, and raise gas prices to quadruple digits.
3. What do you think happened?
Even cooler: Discovering this inscription on the bottom,
leading me to imagine the possibilities that:
1. It was a love token, fashioned by a young male burnout for his lady love. Horrified, she rejected him, sadly, leading him to renounce his former satanic life and get a haircut. Pleased, his father paid his way through fundamentalist christian college, where he met Ralph Reed and struck a lifelong friendship. Unfortunately, he learned too much about Reed's ties with Abramoff, and is currently a dessicated corpse lying beneath the sands of Death Valley. If he were still alive, he'd appreciate the irony that his current appearance mimics this former trinket of his.
2. Bought in a Minneapolis head shop, it once rested on the mantel of "Pat," a headbanging garage band frontman, after he received it from a black magic honey during a week of dissipation and sexual abomination. Later, he got high on demon weed one stormy night and hung himself while listening to the backward masked commands to KILL HIMSELF on The Blizzard of Ozz. Unfortunately, it was the night of Samhain, and his blood intermingled with the wax of a black candle he'd bought on a lark at the Occult Bookstore. This, combined with Ozzy's subaudible chants from Crowley's Liber AL vel Legis, sub figura CCXX, have ensured that the former lead guitarist will return as Satan's personal Fucke-Beeste, seizing young virginal cheerleaders in his bony grip and impregnating them with the Devil's Foul Crimson Seed. Hence and therefore shall he father ye Antichrist, instigate the Babalon working, and raise gas prices to quadruple digits.
3. What do you think happened?