Just a Car Crash Away? The Anti-Messiah Contra Antichrist Superstar!!
Two Saturdays ago, I watched Marilyn Manson practically devour the stage at the Donington Download Festival; twas a great performance for all parties, full of costume changes, glam rock spectacle, and fucking great tunes, old and new!
Two days earlier, I read a rather interesting interview with the eponymous lead singer in which he talked of the ( Read more... )
Two days earlier, I read a rather interesting interview with the eponymous lead singer in which he talked of the ( Read more... )
and i don't mean manson, (although i've been getting back into his music coincidentally), i mean the issue of dependence between two people.
because of all the recent betrayal/rejection/other-half-missing issues i've experienced lately, this sort of thing has been on my mind.
specifically, i was all sad to be alone for the first time in four years.
when i recently starting seeing some one new sort of accidentally, at first i was worried about being on the "rebound;" looking for love and getting super attached to someone just because i was all sad and lonely.
but then it occurred to me that since i've been single i've had a lot more time to learn to be with me; i've tried things i'd never have been motivated to do before, developed new interests and met some wonderful new people.
i realized i don't want love, i want to live.
sorry for spilling the personal beans, this subject is just very relevant to the shit i've been dealing with recently.
i even thought about making a journal entry about it.
but back to my point; the fact is, we all need to learn to get very comfortable with being in the company of just ourselves, because the only person who is going to be there for you 100% of the time is you.
at some point, we are all left alone for one reason or another, and if you can't bear to be isolated with only yourself for company you're going to be continually "on the rebound" and/or clinging to "love" out of fear of lonliness. and as i learned the hard way, even "functional" relationships are capable of breeding this dependence.
as pointed out above, it's always important to remember that no man is an island, but i have certainly learned in recent times that it's also important to be okay with being alone, if only to learn to be okay with being your own best friend.
it's the self-love you are talking about here; the virtuous selfishness our discussions often come back to, and the lacking of informed self-interest in much of the population.
before i had this experience i had never before noticed just how many songs on the radio are about "love," or betrayed love. and i wonder, how many people will never find truly lasting functional love, and isn't that really just fine that many don't? are we really all defined by our "better halves," or lack there of???
"better half:" what an appropriate idiom to describe the issue at hand; the idea that none of us are really any good without another person specifically validating our worth with their constant approval/companionship!
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I'll be honest here - I really do want me a ladyfriend quite a bit. However, I also want to feel fully comfy in my own skin juuuuust that little bit more and not be controlled by this urge of mine, as I'd really despise myself if I became another fucking remora who needed others to feel at home with myself. Sometimes it can feel like a tug of war, but I generally keep a hold of myself.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you say "learn to be okay with being your own best friend".
It would be cool if you did write about your perspective in more detail on your journal like you planned.
And I love talking to you too, Sheila! ^_^
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^_^
i think i will
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