....graphic langauge....
Here is a link to my latest drama. I'm doing this cuz it will piss Ashley off.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/disturbedroses/2904.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/disturbedroses/3094.html
disturbedroses (disturbedroses) wrote,
@ 2005-06-28 21:58:00
Current mood: indescribable
Current music: The hum of the Air conditioner
Well what can I say?
So I decided I need some help. But not because Im depressed and disturbed, those I can deal with, they dont get me into much trouble. I need help because im addicted to sex. Not that I have had sex.......in a VERY long time, just I always finding it hard not to concentrate on it. Like yesterday when I was in the pool with my boyfriend, every move he made would get m thinking, fanatizing what it would be like just to make love in the water. And every touch just made it worse. And he wasn't helping, I think he had it on the mind to because well he never makes resisting easy. Ya I need help.
Anywayz so Mom is driving me crazy! I seriously can take it anymore, I swear if I hear her say ASHLEY any more I will gag her and leave. Im sick and she doesn't care. Im tired she doesn't care. I tear my rotator cuff she doesn't care and then the day after I did it she tells me that I should of told her and dad becaused accidents are free. I did. in fact two minutes after it happened she called me and I told her, her exact words were "Im sorry but you have to work, jost tough it out and stop beimg such a hypochondriac." I told dad to and he was like Im sorry I just cant take you to the hospital today, who would watch the Kids? So I told her that and of course in her usual style she tells me to shut up because Im being a smartass. I cant stand her. She makes my life a living hell because she wants to make her life easier. I mean its my LAST summer living with my parents. I mean wouldn't you try to make it as happy as possible so they can look back on it with fondness? I just want her out of my life, I dont care how it happens. I dont wish death on her, but if she were to just dissapear I wouldn't mind it at all. I know its a horrible thing to say. Trust me it hurts to say stuff like that b/c I wish it were different. I cant even have her at my wedding b/c I KNOW she'll ruin it.
Anywayz I have the sweetest b/f EVER! Hes sooooo perfect at least for me. I know that Im just being optimistic but I really hope we get married. He can be the biggest ass amd thats the way I like it. Its not that he means to hurt me, its just that he looks at the world with sarcasm, thats how he puts up with that asshole of a stepfather he has. And when his sarcasm gets to me, he makes everything better. And he makes me so much stronger than I could ever hope to be. And when I cry he wipes every tear away, Looks into them with so much love it over powers me and then he kisses my eyes, literally kissing every tear away. I have always felt in control in my relationships, and always extremely insecure, but with him, he makes it so that it seem like I am the most wonderful person in the world and that I can do anything. I dont know how he does it. He is the greatest and Im bragging now so I'll stop.
So good night!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:22
"I mean its my LAST summer living with my parents. I mean wouldn't you try to make it as happy as possible so they can look back on it with fondness?"
No. If anything they would want to... picture it as this. You're a car. You're running on fumes, they want to get as much performance out of you as they possibly can before you run out of gas (aka move out) if anything they would want to increase your work load. You're parent's aren't the type that would be real big on regrets anyway. Even if they are, they would hide it because they're both VERY prideful, from what I saw in that one week there.
The only time when they aren't puffing out their chests are when they - the two superpowers - clash. The time your mom was talking to your dad about being a bully, you could tell he was broken. It was like she broke him and he would only be that submissive when she was talking to him "like that" and NO ONE else.
Your mom seems like she puts off this really tough persona to scare anyone off that would get to know her and find out she is really a big softy. She probably sees that as a weakness. I know I do. She screams and yells at the kids because she feels like she has no control over them - being a woman probably makes her especially feel weak. So, already she has the two strikes against her, which isn't good for you or your brothers and sisters.
If you asked my true opinion? I think she has a troubled marriage. She craves love and affection. I am guessing, deep down she feels like you kids ruined her perfect little fantasy world she had going with your father. How she got to see him whenever she wanted. He gave her all the attention she needed, cuz there WERE no kids. I think why she maxes out your dads credit cards are because that is like some form of attention - if she's always getting new things, she feels attractive and sexy. I think she is so preppy right now because acceptance feels good to her. That's why she knows so many people, that's why she buys so much for herself, that's why she needs a lot of alone time.
Ashley, your mom is what we call "high maintenance" she requires a lot of attention. I think ever since your dad cheated on her she hasn't been able to trust him, again completely. I think all of that tension and stress she has; you know, where she'll sporadically blow up on you and be pissed as hell? I think all of that comes from a feeling of under appreciation; under appreciation as a woman, as a mother and as a wife. Look at who does all the baby sitting and looking after the kids? You. What does she do during the day? She takes naps. That is a sign of boredom, a sign of desperation, a sign of anxiety. She is waiting for something to come. Maybe it's for when your father gets home? Did you notice (at least when I was there) How she acted different when your dad wasn't home, than how she acted when he WAS home? Do you notice how she flirts with guys a lot? That is because she (I think) isn't getting that affection and time of day from your dad. Sadly, she passed that "I need affection, I need attention!" onto you.
Think of it as living with someone that you love but you think they don't love you back. What is that going to make you? Depressed. It's going to make you edgy; cuz you're pissed that they're not paying attention to you. She also has bi-polar tendencies.
I think she has oppositional defiance, bi-polar, ADHD and depression. Who knows? She might be regretful that she didn't get to finish being a kid - or a teenager rather. They got married at what, seventeen? She's probably bitter. Not to mention she probably has some sexual frustration. You were talking about being addicted to sex earlier, well think of how long it's been since she's done that with how many kids are in your house... you wouldn't even be able to do it silently. Probably once a year? Bullcrap. I'd be pissed as hell all the time too if I had sex once a year. We won't get into anymore details.
But you get the gist of it. Think about why a girl flirts: attention, affection, belonging and risk. Think about how placeless your mom probably feels since she does "almost nothing" from what you say, around the house. Just think about all that next time she gets mad.
disturbedroses
2005-06-30 01:48
Oh no Kevy my performance has ALWAYS been to make her happy. I have worked my ass off an I would like to at least have a happy summer!
My fathe is not prideful, hes not puffed up. He like you thinks sarcastically. My father is superman and he gives my moher nothing but lov attention and affection. He works SOOOOOO HARD to make her happy, so don go spouting of like you know him at all.
My mother does wear a mask but its not what you think it is. I dont need your help trying to see what my mother is like. And dont tell me Im selling her short, I give her the respect and love she doesn't deserve. All my life I have been trying to mak her happy.
Kevy I wasn't an accident, mom wanted to get pregnant, So dont try an act like you know the facts to that either. Mom chose this life and now matte how u guys want to think she didn't it was her choice.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-30 03:47
Excuse me?
Is this what I get for trying to give you more than a shit in the fucking face like when I asked you for advice recently and it looked like something a dyslexic retarded chicken would write?
Look I never said i knew you're fucking Dad. Don't compare me to him either ya dumb bitch, I'm not gonna take that shit from you. I was just trying to help. So, like you said "Shut your," fucking "mouth about," shit "you don't know about."
You don't need my help trying to see what your mother is like huh? yet you constantly bitch about how much you don't understand her and can't get why she is the way she is. Good job on that gigantic contradiction, there, ya gigantic mistake.
You seriously just chewed through and burned my last nerve like the rat you are.
"Kevy I wasn't an accident, mom wanted to get pregnant, So dont try an act like you know the facts to that either. Mom chose this life and now matte how u guys want to think she didn't it was her choice. "
lawdy fuckin doo, I don't care. Also, I just wanted to point out another contradiction, one of an infinite amount: you say that you wish your mom would disappear. I am sure she didnt choose that life. Not only that but I am most definitely sure that she wanted to kill herself when she never found out her daughter was a cheating whore, a fucking two time offender in the same year. I bet Jeff is very impressed with you.
So, go screw yourself hard, cause i could give a fuckless about you right now. All i did was try to help, half of that psychological examination was bullshit anyway, I made it up as a went along and how your parents acted. As a third party observer, it's a no brainer that I was spouting off. Not only that but I don't know him at all, that's what makes my perception so valid - see what your tiny little brain can't comprehend is that other people see you better than you see yourself. Not only that but your opinion is a little biast. I didn't even say anything 'bad' about your father. It's funny cuz you can say all this shit about you wanting your mom to die and to disappear but you get all anal retentive when I tell you some observations from broken memories - they were broken thanks to you. I appreciate the fucking boring time you showed me there. You're a terrific hostess. I guess after all that's all you sat alone and did while i was there, sit in your room... eat twinkies... get fatter and fatter, almost to the point where you would pop like the hindenburg, in a blaze of brand name clothing and... look... I'm not going to do this again.
I just want you to know you're a real jack ass for writing "so don't go spouting off like you know him at all" and "i dont need your help to see what my mother is like" when you clearly do. You ask everyone for clarivoyance on that subject all the time, or do you just enjoy being a professional victim? The next one is funny, "Kevy I wasn't an accident, mom wanted to get pregnant, So dont try an act like you know the facts to that either.
Mom chose this life and now matte how u guys want to think she didn't it was her choice. " cuz i never said anything about you being an accident, i merely said that your mom might resent having children cuz then with children your dad can't give her as much attention. You automatically assume that means you since you're the first born, but dont flatter yourself. I would never hold you in such high regard.
You think this was harsh? call 1-800-I-C-O-U-L-D-G-I-V-E-A-F-U-C-K-L-E-S-S because I was holding back.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:22
Now, I'm not saying this is all your fault or that she's not in the blame, I'm just trying to tell you what I know; so maybe you'll have a better understanding of why your parents are the way they are.
Don't sell your mom short though, think of how much you two have in common. Obviously she's addicted to sex too! hahaaha I'm kiddin... no I'm not. but anyway. Just think about it.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:23
Sorry about the two posts... I wrote 3655 characters and the max is 3300. I had to split it up.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:53
"Anywayz I have the sweetest b/f EVER! Hes sooooo perfect at least for me. I know that Im just being optimistic but I really hope we get married. He can be the biggest ass amd thats the way I like it. Its not that he means to hurt me, its just that he looks at the world with sarcasm, thats how he puts up with that asshole of a stepfather he has. And when his sarcasm gets to me, he makes everything better. And he makes me so much stronger than I could ever hope to be. And when I cry he wipes every tear away, Looks into them with so much love it over powers me and then he kisses my eyes, literally kissing every tear away. I have always felt in control in my relationships, and always extremely insecure, but with him, he makes it so that it seem like I am the most wonderful person in the world and that I can do anything. I dont know how he does it. He is the greatest and Im bragging now so I'll stop."
Now, I'm going to respond to this as fairly as possible. Just know that, in responding, I am going to let you know what i think and have thought about thsi whole thing.
You know, it's ironic, you described me as "exactly like Jeff" you said, "I dont ever want you and Jeff together because you would just be such a terror" but maybe that was because you didn't want me to find out you two were together? I guess even to this day I don't understand... I don't understand where I went wrong; how it went wrong; why it went wrong. I don't understand it, Ashley. I know you're going to reply with "Oh kevy, it's all my fault, I'm going to hell, I'm a horrible person." blah blah blah. I don't want that this time. I want truths. I want honest analysis.
You know what the worst part about all of this is?? I remember driving somewhere recently and thinking, "If I had the chance to give her a real kiss, would she have cheated on me?" but the 'kick in the balls' part, is that I couldn't even have done that when I came down to visit; not only did you have a boyfriend but I had two days to make that 'move' I took those two days to get used to being around you and feeling out how you are to be around. You know why? because you have changed - you have changed A LOT.
Sometimes I get a little bit jealous that you think so highly of Jeff. Don't get me wrong, I love Skye to death, but she never talks about me that way. I know it's not because I'm not any of those things you mentioned. I want you to read a quote from a movie. I'm not quoting it because I feel that way in regards to you, but because I want you to think about it. That's it, just think about it: "Do you know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless? Feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness... even if it's never gonna be with you?" - Albert Brennaman ~ Hitch
I have a very distinct way of making my point. I make it strong and unmistakable; I make it so there is no denying the truth to the eloquently arranged characters on the screen, or logical systematic way I deliver it in person.
I wish Jeff and You the best of luck in the future. May you have a happy, vibrant, love-filled relationship through eternity.
disturbedroses
2005-06-30 01:27
I hate to say these things, because I dont want to have to defend my father because you should know these things. My father NEVER cheated on m mother, it was the other way around. So get the facts straight. And you really dont know my mother, most of what you dscribed was your mother. So before posting what you think you know, get the facts straight.
And as for us.....Kevy if we reakky need to diecuss this it needs to be a little more private, I do not want to have people prying inro my buisness. Im sorry you feel this way but its kinda unfair to Skye..... I mean how do u think she feels knowing that you were thinking of Kissing me. So in private would be the place to do it.
Thank you for wishing Jeff and I happiness. I wish you and Skye the same.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-30 04:03
BULL FUCKING SHIT HE DIDNT CHEAT! LOL!!! He cheated on her then she cheated on him to get him back. It was all explained to me from MY mother who it was told from YOUR mother! Get out of your shell.
"So get the facts straight."
HHAAAAAAAHAHAHA right, cuz you know my mother. Way to contradict yourself again.
"but its kinda unfair to Skye"
DON'T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT'S FAIR AND WHAT'S NOT MOTHER FUCKING FAIR YOU GUTTER SLUT!! YOU BROUGHT ME ALL THE WAY TO YOUR FILTHY FUCKING HICK ASS TOWN, I SPENT A FUCKING SHITLOAD OF MY MONEY AND MY TIME TO FLY OUT TO SEE YOU THEN YOU DUMP ME TWO DAYS LATER!!! AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH YOU HAVE TO FLIRT WITH JEFF ON NEW YEARS!! RIGHT THE FUCK IN FRONT OF ME!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT?? I'M GLAD THAT SONG HURT, I'M GLAD I MAKE YOU CRY, IM GLAD YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ALL OF THIS!! AND DON'T YOU EVER IN YOUR MOTHER FUCKING LIFE TYPE SKYE'S NAME AGAIN!!! DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING THINK HER NAME!!! SHE IS TEN TIMES THE PERSON YOU ARE!! DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT FAIR TO ME, DONT YOU EVER TELL ME YOU LOVED ME, DONT YOU EVER TELL ME THAT, DON'T YOU MOTHER FUCKING EVER!!! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME, AND I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOU, I NEVER DID. THE ASHLEY I KNEW TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE HATED CHEATED, YET THIS YEAR YOU'VE DONE IT TWO FUCKING TIMES, ONCE TO ME AND ONCE TO JEFF!!! PRIVATE MY FUCKING ASS, YOU BROUGHT THIS PUBLIC WHEN YOU BROUGHT SKYE INTO IT!! I WISH YOU THE WORST TORMENT POSSIBLE, I WISH YOU TO EVERYDAY HAVE TO GET YOUR EYE LIDS PULLED OFF AND YOUR EYES STUCK WITH THOUSANDS OF SMALL PINS TILL YOUR VISION BECOMES BLURRY, AND AFTER AND OOOOONNNLY AFTER YOU CAN'T SEE DO YOU GET THE MERCY OF GETTING EACH INDIVIDUAL RIB BROKEN WHILE YOU RUN A TRIATHOLON, AFTER YOU'RE PUKING UP BLOOD I HOPE SOMEONE POURS ISOPOLYPROPIL ALCOHOL DOWN YOUR SCARRED AND TENDER THROAT WHILE BEATING YOU. EVEN THAT TOURMENT WOULDN'T BE WORTHY OF THE MISDEADS, LIES AND BULLSHIT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH!!! YOU SHOULD KISS JEFF'S FEET FOR STILL HAVING THE IGNORANCE AND SHALLOWNESS TO STAY WITH YOUR IDIOTIC WORTHLESS PITIFUL DUMB ASS!!!!
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP, I WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE GENUINE!! BUT JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE, IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I NEED TO HAVE SOME SPASTIC BITCH WITH AN EATING DISORDER TELL ME HER TWO CENTS INSTEAD OF NOT TAKING IT PERSONAL!! I FUCKING HAAAAAAAATTTEE YOU, I HOPE YOU FUUUUUUUCCKKING DIIIIIIIEEE!!
whereispasadena
2005-06-29 07:33
you're a great guy kevin.
i'm glad i met you when i did.
i know we've both changed, for the better, and i'm glad and proud to see that you're being the bigger man here.
disturbedroses
2005-06-30 01:35
You know you dont know Jeff and you dont know the facts to this at all, so b4 u go spouting of this crap about being the bigger man, you better know EVERY last detail.
Im not trying to be mean, your two cnts just wasn' needed.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-30 04:04
that's brooke you waste of oxygen.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/disturbedroses/2904.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/disturbedroses/3094.html
disturbedroses (disturbedroses) wrote,
@ 2005-06-28 21:58:00
Current mood: indescribable
Current music: The hum of the Air conditioner
Well what can I say?
So I decided I need some help. But not because Im depressed and disturbed, those I can deal with, they dont get me into much trouble. I need help because im addicted to sex. Not that I have had sex.......in a VERY long time, just I always finding it hard not to concentrate on it. Like yesterday when I was in the pool with my boyfriend, every move he made would get m thinking, fanatizing what it would be like just to make love in the water. And every touch just made it worse. And he wasn't helping, I think he had it on the mind to because well he never makes resisting easy. Ya I need help.
Anywayz so Mom is driving me crazy! I seriously can take it anymore, I swear if I hear her say ASHLEY any more I will gag her and leave. Im sick and she doesn't care. Im tired she doesn't care. I tear my rotator cuff she doesn't care and then the day after I did it she tells me that I should of told her and dad becaused accidents are free. I did. in fact two minutes after it happened she called me and I told her, her exact words were "Im sorry but you have to work, jost tough it out and stop beimg such a hypochondriac." I told dad to and he was like Im sorry I just cant take you to the hospital today, who would watch the Kids? So I told her that and of course in her usual style she tells me to shut up because Im being a smartass. I cant stand her. She makes my life a living hell because she wants to make her life easier. I mean its my LAST summer living with my parents. I mean wouldn't you try to make it as happy as possible so they can look back on it with fondness? I just want her out of my life, I dont care how it happens. I dont wish death on her, but if she were to just dissapear I wouldn't mind it at all. I know its a horrible thing to say. Trust me it hurts to say stuff like that b/c I wish it were different. I cant even have her at my wedding b/c I KNOW she'll ruin it.
Anywayz I have the sweetest b/f EVER! Hes sooooo perfect at least for me. I know that Im just being optimistic but I really hope we get married. He can be the biggest ass amd thats the way I like it. Its not that he means to hurt me, its just that he looks at the world with sarcasm, thats how he puts up with that asshole of a stepfather he has. And when his sarcasm gets to me, he makes everything better. And he makes me so much stronger than I could ever hope to be. And when I cry he wipes every tear away, Looks into them with so much love it over powers me and then he kisses my eyes, literally kissing every tear away. I have always felt in control in my relationships, and always extremely insecure, but with him, he makes it so that it seem like I am the most wonderful person in the world and that I can do anything. I dont know how he does it. He is the greatest and Im bragging now so I'll stop.
So good night!
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mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:22
"I mean its my LAST summer living with my parents. I mean wouldn't you try to make it as happy as possible so they can look back on it with fondness?"
No. If anything they would want to... picture it as this. You're a car. You're running on fumes, they want to get as much performance out of you as they possibly can before you run out of gas (aka move out) if anything they would want to increase your work load. You're parent's aren't the type that would be real big on regrets anyway. Even if they are, they would hide it because they're both VERY prideful, from what I saw in that one week there.
The only time when they aren't puffing out their chests are when they - the two superpowers - clash. The time your mom was talking to your dad about being a bully, you could tell he was broken. It was like she broke him and he would only be that submissive when she was talking to him "like that" and NO ONE else.
Your mom seems like she puts off this really tough persona to scare anyone off that would get to know her and find out she is really a big softy. She probably sees that as a weakness. I know I do. She screams and yells at the kids because she feels like she has no control over them - being a woman probably makes her especially feel weak. So, already she has the two strikes against her, which isn't good for you or your brothers and sisters.
If you asked my true opinion? I think she has a troubled marriage. She craves love and affection. I am guessing, deep down she feels like you kids ruined her perfect little fantasy world she had going with your father. How she got to see him whenever she wanted. He gave her all the attention she needed, cuz there WERE no kids. I think why she maxes out your dads credit cards are because that is like some form of attention - if she's always getting new things, she feels attractive and sexy. I think she is so preppy right now because acceptance feels good to her. That's why she knows so many people, that's why she buys so much for herself, that's why she needs a lot of alone time.
Ashley, your mom is what we call "high maintenance" she requires a lot of attention. I think ever since your dad cheated on her she hasn't been able to trust him, again completely. I think all of that tension and stress she has; you know, where she'll sporadically blow up on you and be pissed as hell? I think all of that comes from a feeling of under appreciation; under appreciation as a woman, as a mother and as a wife. Look at who does all the baby sitting and looking after the kids? You. What does she do during the day? She takes naps. That is a sign of boredom, a sign of desperation, a sign of anxiety. She is waiting for something to come. Maybe it's for when your father gets home? Did you notice (at least when I was there) How she acted different when your dad wasn't home, than how she acted when he WAS home? Do you notice how she flirts with guys a lot? That is because she (I think) isn't getting that affection and time of day from your dad. Sadly, she passed that "I need affection, I need attention!" onto you.
Think of it as living with someone that you love but you think they don't love you back. What is that going to make you? Depressed. It's going to make you edgy; cuz you're pissed that they're not paying attention to you. She also has bi-polar tendencies.
I think she has oppositional defiance, bi-polar, ADHD and depression. Who knows? She might be regretful that she didn't get to finish being a kid - or a teenager rather. They got married at what, seventeen? She's probably bitter. Not to mention she probably has some sexual frustration. You were talking about being addicted to sex earlier, well think of how long it's been since she's done that with how many kids are in your house... you wouldn't even be able to do it silently. Probably once a year? Bullcrap. I'd be pissed as hell all the time too if I had sex once a year. We won't get into anymore details.
But you get the gist of it. Think about why a girl flirts: attention, affection, belonging and risk. Think about how placeless your mom probably feels since she does "almost nothing" from what you say, around the house. Just think about all that next time she gets mad.
disturbedroses
2005-06-30 01:48
Oh no Kevy my performance has ALWAYS been to make her happy. I have worked my ass off an I would like to at least have a happy summer!
My fathe is not prideful, hes not puffed up. He like you thinks sarcastically. My father is superman and he gives my moher nothing but lov attention and affection. He works SOOOOOO HARD to make her happy, so don go spouting of like you know him at all.
My mother does wear a mask but its not what you think it is. I dont need your help trying to see what my mother is like. And dont tell me Im selling her short, I give her the respect and love she doesn't deserve. All my life I have been trying to mak her happy.
Kevy I wasn't an accident, mom wanted to get pregnant, So dont try an act like you know the facts to that either. Mom chose this life and now matte how u guys want to think she didn't it was her choice.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-30 03:47
Excuse me?
Is this what I get for trying to give you more than a shit in the fucking face like when I asked you for advice recently and it looked like something a dyslexic retarded chicken would write?
Look I never said i knew you're fucking Dad. Don't compare me to him either ya dumb bitch, I'm not gonna take that shit from you. I was just trying to help. So, like you said "Shut your," fucking "mouth about," shit "you don't know about."
You don't need my help trying to see what your mother is like huh? yet you constantly bitch about how much you don't understand her and can't get why she is the way she is. Good job on that gigantic contradiction, there, ya gigantic mistake.
You seriously just chewed through and burned my last nerve like the rat you are.
"Kevy I wasn't an accident, mom wanted to get pregnant, So dont try an act like you know the facts to that either. Mom chose this life and now matte how u guys want to think she didn't it was her choice. "
lawdy fuckin doo, I don't care. Also, I just wanted to point out another contradiction, one of an infinite amount: you say that you wish your mom would disappear. I am sure she didnt choose that life. Not only that but I am most definitely sure that she wanted to kill herself when she never found out her daughter was a cheating whore, a fucking two time offender in the same year. I bet Jeff is very impressed with you.
So, go screw yourself hard, cause i could give a fuckless about you right now. All i did was try to help, half of that psychological examination was bullshit anyway, I made it up as a went along and how your parents acted. As a third party observer, it's a no brainer that I was spouting off. Not only that but I don't know him at all, that's what makes my perception so valid - see what your tiny little brain can't comprehend is that other people see you better than you see yourself. Not only that but your opinion is a little biast. I didn't even say anything 'bad' about your father. It's funny cuz you can say all this shit about you wanting your mom to die and to disappear but you get all anal retentive when I tell you some observations from broken memories - they were broken thanks to you. I appreciate the fucking boring time you showed me there. You're a terrific hostess. I guess after all that's all you sat alone and did while i was there, sit in your room... eat twinkies... get fatter and fatter, almost to the point where you would pop like the hindenburg, in a blaze of brand name clothing and... look... I'm not going to do this again.
I just want you to know you're a real jack ass for writing "so don't go spouting off like you know him at all" and "i dont need your help to see what my mother is like" when you clearly do. You ask everyone for clarivoyance on that subject all the time, or do you just enjoy being a professional victim? The next one is funny, "Kevy I wasn't an accident, mom wanted to get pregnant, So dont try an act like you know the facts to that either.
Mom chose this life and now matte how u guys want to think she didn't it was her choice. " cuz i never said anything about you being an accident, i merely said that your mom might resent having children cuz then with children your dad can't give her as much attention. You automatically assume that means you since you're the first born, but dont flatter yourself. I would never hold you in such high regard.
You think this was harsh? call 1-800-I-C-O-U-L-D-G-I-V-E-A-F-U-C-K-L-E-S-S because I was holding back.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:22
Now, I'm not saying this is all your fault or that she's not in the blame, I'm just trying to tell you what I know; so maybe you'll have a better understanding of why your parents are the way they are.
Don't sell your mom short though, think of how much you two have in common. Obviously she's addicted to sex too! hahaaha I'm kiddin... no I'm not. but anyway. Just think about it.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:23
Sorry about the two posts... I wrote 3655 characters and the max is 3300. I had to split it up.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-29 06:53
"Anywayz I have the sweetest b/f EVER! Hes sooooo perfect at least for me. I know that Im just being optimistic but I really hope we get married. He can be the biggest ass amd thats the way I like it. Its not that he means to hurt me, its just that he looks at the world with sarcasm, thats how he puts up with that asshole of a stepfather he has. And when his sarcasm gets to me, he makes everything better. And he makes me so much stronger than I could ever hope to be. And when I cry he wipes every tear away, Looks into them with so much love it over powers me and then he kisses my eyes, literally kissing every tear away. I have always felt in control in my relationships, and always extremely insecure, but with him, he makes it so that it seem like I am the most wonderful person in the world and that I can do anything. I dont know how he does it. He is the greatest and Im bragging now so I'll stop."
Now, I'm going to respond to this as fairly as possible. Just know that, in responding, I am going to let you know what i think and have thought about thsi whole thing.
You know, it's ironic, you described me as "exactly like Jeff" you said, "I dont ever want you and Jeff together because you would just be such a terror" but maybe that was because you didn't want me to find out you two were together? I guess even to this day I don't understand... I don't understand where I went wrong; how it went wrong; why it went wrong. I don't understand it, Ashley. I know you're going to reply with "Oh kevy, it's all my fault, I'm going to hell, I'm a horrible person." blah blah blah. I don't want that this time. I want truths. I want honest analysis.
You know what the worst part about all of this is?? I remember driving somewhere recently and thinking, "If I had the chance to give her a real kiss, would she have cheated on me?" but the 'kick in the balls' part, is that I couldn't even have done that when I came down to visit; not only did you have a boyfriend but I had two days to make that 'move' I took those two days to get used to being around you and feeling out how you are to be around. You know why? because you have changed - you have changed A LOT.
Sometimes I get a little bit jealous that you think so highly of Jeff. Don't get me wrong, I love Skye to death, but she never talks about me that way. I know it's not because I'm not any of those things you mentioned. I want you to read a quote from a movie. I'm not quoting it because I feel that way in regards to you, but because I want you to think about it. That's it, just think about it: "Do you know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless? Feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness... even if it's never gonna be with you?" - Albert Brennaman ~ Hitch
I have a very distinct way of making my point. I make it strong and unmistakable; I make it so there is no denying the truth to the eloquently arranged characters on the screen, or logical systematic way I deliver it in person.
I wish Jeff and You the best of luck in the future. May you have a happy, vibrant, love-filled relationship through eternity.
disturbedroses
2005-06-30 01:27
I hate to say these things, because I dont want to have to defend my father because you should know these things. My father NEVER cheated on m mother, it was the other way around. So get the facts straight. And you really dont know my mother, most of what you dscribed was your mother. So before posting what you think you know, get the facts straight.
And as for us.....Kevy if we reakky need to diecuss this it needs to be a little more private, I do not want to have people prying inro my buisness. Im sorry you feel this way but its kinda unfair to Skye..... I mean how do u think she feels knowing that you were thinking of Kissing me. So in private would be the place to do it.
Thank you for wishing Jeff and I happiness. I wish you and Skye the same.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-30 04:03
BULL FUCKING SHIT HE DIDNT CHEAT! LOL!!! He cheated on her then she cheated on him to get him back. It was all explained to me from MY mother who it was told from YOUR mother! Get out of your shell.
"So get the facts straight."
HHAAAAAAAHAHAHA right, cuz you know my mother. Way to contradict yourself again.
"but its kinda unfair to Skye"
DON'T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT'S FAIR AND WHAT'S NOT MOTHER FUCKING FAIR YOU GUTTER SLUT!! YOU BROUGHT ME ALL THE WAY TO YOUR FILTHY FUCKING HICK ASS TOWN, I SPENT A FUCKING SHITLOAD OF MY MONEY AND MY TIME TO FLY OUT TO SEE YOU THEN YOU DUMP ME TWO DAYS LATER!!! AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH YOU HAVE TO FLIRT WITH JEFF ON NEW YEARS!! RIGHT THE FUCK IN FRONT OF ME!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT?? I'M GLAD THAT SONG HURT, I'M GLAD I MAKE YOU CRY, IM GLAD YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ALL OF THIS!! AND DON'T YOU EVER IN YOUR MOTHER FUCKING LIFE TYPE SKYE'S NAME AGAIN!!! DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING THINK HER NAME!!! SHE IS TEN TIMES THE PERSON YOU ARE!! DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT FAIR TO ME, DONT YOU EVER TELL ME YOU LOVED ME, DONT YOU EVER TELL ME THAT, DON'T YOU MOTHER FUCKING EVER!!! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME, AND I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOU, I NEVER DID. THE ASHLEY I KNEW TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE HATED CHEATED, YET THIS YEAR YOU'VE DONE IT TWO FUCKING TIMES, ONCE TO ME AND ONCE TO JEFF!!! PRIVATE MY FUCKING ASS, YOU BROUGHT THIS PUBLIC WHEN YOU BROUGHT SKYE INTO IT!! I WISH YOU THE WORST TORMENT POSSIBLE, I WISH YOU TO EVERYDAY HAVE TO GET YOUR EYE LIDS PULLED OFF AND YOUR EYES STUCK WITH THOUSANDS OF SMALL PINS TILL YOUR VISION BECOMES BLURRY, AND AFTER AND OOOOONNNLY AFTER YOU CAN'T SEE DO YOU GET THE MERCY OF GETTING EACH INDIVIDUAL RIB BROKEN WHILE YOU RUN A TRIATHOLON, AFTER YOU'RE PUKING UP BLOOD I HOPE SOMEONE POURS ISOPOLYPROPIL ALCOHOL DOWN YOUR SCARRED AND TENDER THROAT WHILE BEATING YOU. EVEN THAT TOURMENT WOULDN'T BE WORTHY OF THE MISDEADS, LIES AND BULLSHIT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH!!! YOU SHOULD KISS JEFF'S FEET FOR STILL HAVING THE IGNORANCE AND SHALLOWNESS TO STAY WITH YOUR IDIOTIC WORTHLESS PITIFUL DUMB ASS!!!!
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP, I WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE GENUINE!! BUT JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE, IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I NEED TO HAVE SOME SPASTIC BITCH WITH AN EATING DISORDER TELL ME HER TWO CENTS INSTEAD OF NOT TAKING IT PERSONAL!! I FUCKING HAAAAAAAATTTEE YOU, I HOPE YOU FUUUUUUUCCKKING DIIIIIIIEEE!!
whereispasadena
2005-06-29 07:33
you're a great guy kevin.
i'm glad i met you when i did.
i know we've both changed, for the better, and i'm glad and proud to see that you're being the bigger man here.
disturbedroses
2005-06-30 01:35
You know you dont know Jeff and you dont know the facts to this at all, so b4 u go spouting of this crap about being the bigger man, you better know EVERY last detail.
Im not trying to be mean, your two cnts just wasn' needed.
mrcleanandfresh
2005-06-30 04:04
that's brooke you waste of oxygen.