(no subject)
Somehow she managed to place that thought of hope back in my head. Im not surprised but I was doing good for the longest time. Even after the first night, I had no hopes. But it must have happened during that next day because I found myself actually considering it... but that soon changed that night. I wasnt mad at all, but those thoughts in the back of my head that questioned everything that I was about to do and thinking spoke up.
They told me that I was wasting my time. I sat there looking into the pool and realized that I was setting myself up to drown. I was last on the list and all it would take would be a phone call and I would be done. There would be no security in a relationship like that, none at all. There wasnt before... and there definetely wont be now.
It was interesting that next day as well. It started out as a normal day but I soon recieved a phone call from someone I havent seen or talked to in months. We talked for a while and she was going to come up to the store. It wasnt much longer when I recieved another phone call and Superman was needed again. I put on my cape and I took care of what I needed to. It was a strange feeling... a familiar feeling... but I couldnt quite figure out what it was. As I was leaving back to my store, I almost caught on to it and I wish I did, but I lost my train of thought when my phone rang again. Superman was needed somewhere else.
I know what that feeling was though. Again, I wish I would have caught it earlier but I at least know what it looks like now so I can watch out for it. That feeling was hope... It was hope in disguise. That bastard.
By that afternoon though, after my visit from such a long time ago left, I thought I actually had to make a decision. I thought that things were going so great and that it was ironic that I was faced with a decision that coud lead to so many different outcomes. On one hand, I had a future of always being wanted and security. The only thing that was unsure was if things would work out due so many uncontrollable emotions that would be involved. And one my other hand, I had a future where I would be happy but nothing would be sure. I would have to wake up everyday and wonder when I would finally "get the boot" and hope that day wouldnt come.
How could I actually be happy living like that? Why would someone even consider putting themselves in that position when they know what the outcome is. Would would someone be so willing to place themselves there. Neither of them are healthy relationships... what makes these two so different? The answer is hope. Its hope.... I actually sat there thinking about which route to take and got excited that there might have actually been a future... damn you hope. Gosh, Im a fool.
They will try again... both of them... to get inside and plant those thoughts of hope... but it wont work this time. I know what it looks like now... I know many of its tricks and different faces... and I am putting a plan to stop it for good. The only way to stop it for good though... is to put down the source from which it came. I am just needing one final piece...
They told me that I was wasting my time. I sat there looking into the pool and realized that I was setting myself up to drown. I was last on the list and all it would take would be a phone call and I would be done. There would be no security in a relationship like that, none at all. There wasnt before... and there definetely wont be now.
It was interesting that next day as well. It started out as a normal day but I soon recieved a phone call from someone I havent seen or talked to in months. We talked for a while and she was going to come up to the store. It wasnt much longer when I recieved another phone call and Superman was needed again. I put on my cape and I took care of what I needed to. It was a strange feeling... a familiar feeling... but I couldnt quite figure out what it was. As I was leaving back to my store, I almost caught on to it and I wish I did, but I lost my train of thought when my phone rang again. Superman was needed somewhere else.
I know what that feeling was though. Again, I wish I would have caught it earlier but I at least know what it looks like now so I can watch out for it. That feeling was hope... It was hope in disguise. That bastard.
By that afternoon though, after my visit from such a long time ago left, I thought I actually had to make a decision. I thought that things were going so great and that it was ironic that I was faced with a decision that coud lead to so many different outcomes. On one hand, I had a future of always being wanted and security. The only thing that was unsure was if things would work out due so many uncontrollable emotions that would be involved. And one my other hand, I had a future where I would be happy but nothing would be sure. I would have to wake up everyday and wonder when I would finally "get the boot" and hope that day wouldnt come.
How could I actually be happy living like that? Why would someone even consider putting themselves in that position when they know what the outcome is. Would would someone be so willing to place themselves there. Neither of them are healthy relationships... what makes these two so different? The answer is hope. Its hope.... I actually sat there thinking about which route to take and got excited that there might have actually been a future... damn you hope. Gosh, Im a fool.
They will try again... both of them... to get inside and plant those thoughts of hope... but it wont work this time. I know what it looks like now... I know many of its tricks and different faces... and I am putting a plan to stop it for good. The only way to stop it for good though... is to put down the source from which it came. I am just needing one final piece...