(no subject)
I need to stop being such an asshole...I don't like it.
This weekend trip to Hawaii was really all about revelations for me. I think that within this past year, my life has pretty much taken off, and I went along with it without really thinking about where it would take me. Hawaii is just one of those places where nothing else really matters...you'd never get tired of viewing the horizon that meshes with the warm blue waters from that scenic spot which overlooks half the island. Just the friggin simple life I forever yearn. I'd really consider a move out there. Somehow, I just feel this weird connection to the place like it was a place in which I was meant to be...it just feels really comfortable. Out of all the places I've been in the world, Hawaii is probably the only place where people don't really question what I am...they just think I'm local. People are also uber-laid back...it's a perfect fit.
I watched a luau performance while I was there and saw Tahitian and Hawaiian dancing. It made me feel sorta sad...it reminded me so much of my little sister who was really damn good at it when she danced. I just don't know what happened to her. It's gotten to the point where I don't really care about what decisions she makes, but then I've also realized how distant I am now with the rest of my siblings. It's pretty horrid...and it took a graceful woman in a white dress for me to figure this out. I'm potentially spending the last year in the Bay Area before I make my move...potentially spending my last year with family...with friends...yet I'm wasting it away...
What happened to me? I complain about money-hungry gluttons, yet that's what I've become. I've spent over $5000 in the last three months...and I don't even have to pay for food or rent anymore.
I'm potentially trashing a two-year relationship with the most good-hearted guy I've ever met who puts me on a pedestal...makes me feel special like no other...
Calvin was right...I am going to hell...
I've lost control of my life...
I wanna try to slow down my life for the remainder of this semester...
I've lost sight of what is important to me...
I need to figure out who and what is most important to me...
I need to let those people know who they are and show it...
I don't wanna lose anyone I love because I'm being an irrational jerk...
I need to step back and figure my shit out however long it takes...
Please don't hate me for the decisions I make cuz it's really for the best...
Maybe not for now but for the future...
I love you dearly...always will...
Ke kali nei...I am waiting...
This weekend trip to Hawaii was really all about revelations for me. I think that within this past year, my life has pretty much taken off, and I went along with it without really thinking about where it would take me. Hawaii is just one of those places where nothing else really matters...you'd never get tired of viewing the horizon that meshes with the warm blue waters from that scenic spot which overlooks half the island. Just the friggin simple life I forever yearn. I'd really consider a move out there. Somehow, I just feel this weird connection to the place like it was a place in which I was meant to be...it just feels really comfortable. Out of all the places I've been in the world, Hawaii is probably the only place where people don't really question what I am...they just think I'm local. People are also uber-laid back...it's a perfect fit.
I watched a luau performance while I was there and saw Tahitian and Hawaiian dancing. It made me feel sorta sad...it reminded me so much of my little sister who was really damn good at it when she danced. I just don't know what happened to her. It's gotten to the point where I don't really care about what decisions she makes, but then I've also realized how distant I am now with the rest of my siblings. It's pretty horrid...and it took a graceful woman in a white dress for me to figure this out. I'm potentially spending the last year in the Bay Area before I make my move...potentially spending my last year with family...with friends...yet I'm wasting it away...
What happened to me? I complain about money-hungry gluttons, yet that's what I've become. I've spent over $5000 in the last three months...and I don't even have to pay for food or rent anymore.
I'm potentially trashing a two-year relationship with the most good-hearted guy I've ever met who puts me on a pedestal...makes me feel special like no other...
Calvin was right...I am going to hell...
I've lost control of my life...
I wanna try to slow down my life for the remainder of this semester...
I've lost sight of what is important to me...
I need to figure out who and what is most important to me...
I need to let those people know who they are and show it...
I don't wanna lose anyone I love because I'm being an irrational jerk...
I need to step back and figure my shit out however long it takes...
Please don't hate me for the decisions I make cuz it's really for the best...
Maybe not for now but for the future...
I love you dearly...always will...
Ke kali nei...I am waiting...