IN HONOUR OF BURNS NIGHT
Saumar is somewhere in France, but maybe some Scots drifted across the channel at the dawn of time on inflated sheep’s stomachs and in this way introduced their filthy eating habits to the French.
“The thrilling sense of taint” will be a source of inspiration to La Belle, ♥ girl and the other fodder eating members of their extended family. Because I am an aspiring Michelin Star chef I hunted far and wide for a traditional Haggis recipe. (I’m actually lying - I just Googled “Haggis” and downloaded the first link I could find and I will never, ever cook it)
Here it is;
Actual Scottish Haggis - how to make it
A champion Haggis should be firm and slightly sticky (wtf - sticky to what? The roof, the floor, ones tongue?) with no tendency to dry out or crumble too much. Most traditional Scottish butchers sell their own home made Haggis and guard the recipe fiercely. This recipe is from the Glasgow Cookery Book from around 1926.
Be aware that this recipe includes lungs and windpipes and other things that don't tend to appear in cut out 'n' keep recipe cards. If you want to avoid these gruesome bits or aren't allowed to eat them (hello, America!), try the Haggis-lite recipe instead.
(Ignore people who tell you to put a rock in with your simmering Haggis then throw out the beast and eat the rock - they are Philistines with no sense for the finer things in life.)
Ingredients.
1 sheep’s pluck. i.e. the animals heart, liver, and lights (lungs). (Pluck? Of fuck!)
Cold water.
1 sheep’s stomach (empty).
1lb lightly toasted pinhead oatmeal (medium or coarse oatmeal).
1-2 tablespoons salt.
1 level tablespoon freshly ground black pepper.
1 tablespoon freshly ground allspice.
1 level tablespoon of mixed herbs.
8oz finely chopped suet. (I am not going to chop up my suit - Armani is too expensive)
4 large onions, finely chopped.
(lemon juice (or a good vinegar) is sometimes added as well as other flavourings such as cayenne pepper)
Directions
Wash the stomach in cold water until it is thoroughly clean and then soak it in cold salted water for about 8-10 hours.
Place the pluck in a large pot and cover with cold water. The windpipe (????) ought to be hung over the side of the pot with a container beneath it in order to collect any drips. Gently simmer the pluck for approximately 2 hours or until it is tender and then leave the pluck to cool.
Finely chop or mince the pluck meat and then mix it with the oatmeal. Add about half a pint of the liquor in which the pluck was cooked (or use a good stock). Add the seasonings, suet and onions, ensuring everything are well mixed.
Fill the stomach with the mixture, leaving enough room for the oatmeal to expand into. Press out the air and then sew up the haggis. Prick the haggis a few times with a fine needle. Place the haggis it in boiling water and simmer for approximately 3 hours.
…..And before dinnertime you get into your car and drive to the closest MacDonald’s, stab yourself in the heart with a Sgian Dubh and drive into the nearest Loch at full speed munching away at your Big Mac.
I have never eaten Haggis but I have eaten the local equivalent called “afval” (offal) once under extreme duress. No wonder William Wallace gave himself up to be tortured to death. I think the very idea of another Burns Night drove him to insanity.
Maybe, just maybe, there’s a case to be made to become Vegan or Vegetarian……
“The thrilling sense of taint” will be a source of inspiration to La Belle, ♥ girl and the other fodder eating members of their extended family. Because I am an aspiring Michelin Star chef I hunted far and wide for a traditional Haggis recipe. (I’m actually lying - I just Googled “Haggis” and downloaded the first link I could find and I will never, ever cook it)
Here it is;
Actual Scottish Haggis - how to make it
A champion Haggis should be firm and slightly sticky (wtf - sticky to what? The roof, the floor, ones tongue?) with no tendency to dry out or crumble too much. Most traditional Scottish butchers sell their own home made Haggis and guard the recipe fiercely. This recipe is from the Glasgow Cookery Book from around 1926.
Be aware that this recipe includes lungs and windpipes and other things that don't tend to appear in cut out 'n' keep recipe cards. If you want to avoid these gruesome bits or aren't allowed to eat them (hello, America!), try the Haggis-lite recipe instead.
(Ignore people who tell you to put a rock in with your simmering Haggis then throw out the beast and eat the rock - they are Philistines with no sense for the finer things in life.)
Ingredients.
1 sheep’s pluck. i.e. the animals heart, liver, and lights (lungs). (Pluck? Of fuck!)
Cold water.
1 sheep’s stomach (empty).
1lb lightly toasted pinhead oatmeal (medium or coarse oatmeal).
1-2 tablespoons salt.
1 level tablespoon freshly ground black pepper.
1 tablespoon freshly ground allspice.
1 level tablespoon of mixed herbs.
8oz finely chopped suet. (I am not going to chop up my suit - Armani is too expensive)
4 large onions, finely chopped.
(lemon juice (or a good vinegar) is sometimes added as well as other flavourings such as cayenne pepper)
Directions
Wash the stomach in cold water until it is thoroughly clean and then soak it in cold salted water for about 8-10 hours.
Place the pluck in a large pot and cover with cold water. The windpipe (????) ought to be hung over the side of the pot with a container beneath it in order to collect any drips. Gently simmer the pluck for approximately 2 hours or until it is tender and then leave the pluck to cool.
Finely chop or mince the pluck meat and then mix it with the oatmeal. Add about half a pint of the liquor in which the pluck was cooked (or use a good stock). Add the seasonings, suet and onions, ensuring everything are well mixed.
Fill the stomach with the mixture, leaving enough room for the oatmeal to expand into. Press out the air and then sew up the haggis. Prick the haggis a few times with a fine needle. Place the haggis it in boiling water and simmer for approximately 3 hours.
…..And before dinnertime you get into your car and drive to the closest MacDonald’s, stab yourself in the heart with a Sgian Dubh and drive into the nearest Loch at full speed munching away at your Big Mac.
I have never eaten Haggis but I have eaten the local equivalent called “afval” (offal) once under extreme duress. No wonder William Wallace gave himself up to be tortured to death. I think the very idea of another Burns Night drove him to insanity.
Maybe, just maybe, there’s a case to be made to become Vegan or Vegetarian……